In Psychological Interpretation: Inner Children and Inner Parents, we mentioned the concept of "safe island", and this article will involve another important concept of psychology: Oedipus period. Specifically, this stage occurs when children are 3 to 6 years old, which is of great significance to the formation of children's personality traits.

A family must have such a relationship model: children and same-sex parents, children and opposite-sex parents, husband and wife.

Children before the age of three have no gender awareness, and they tend to have sex with their mothers, ignoring their relationship with their fathers. However, at the age of 3~6, children with gender awareness will first move closer to heterosexual parents, exclude same-sex parents and have a competitive relationship with them; At the age of 6~ 12, children turned to reconciliation with same-sex parents and began to identify themselves as boys or girls. /kloc-entered adolescence after 0/2 years old, and the good transition of the above relationship laid the foundation for the leap of this "rebellious period".

Among all kinds of relationship patterns caused by children's changing psychological characteristics, the only constant is the relationship pattern between husband and wife. Children's preference for same-sex parents or heterosexual parents will eventually be based on the relationship model between husband and wife. If this template is stable, then children can rely on this healthy template to develop a healthy mind. Otherwise, the child's psychological problems will be gradually exposed in his later life and will accompany him all his life, unless the same intimate relationship appears again to resolve this shortcoming.

Therefore, the relationship between husband and wife is the first in the family and the cornerstone of the healthy growth of children. This argument has practical scientific basis.

To understand the evolution of children's psychological state, we have to mention Freud's "Oedipus period".

Children at this stage have a strong sense of competition with same-sex parents, but in the competition with same-sex parents, ta will gradually realize a truth: Mom and Dad are powerful, I can't beat them, and I can only imitate them to gain the same powerful position as them.

So children will imitate the behavior of same-sex parents instead.

A harmonious relationship between husband and wife will inevitably send a message to children: I love my mother, my father loves my mother, and both my parents love me, so I am willing to be my child, which will dissolve the competition between me and my same-sex parents and turn the competition into a kind of motivation.

In family relations, we can also see that children influenced by their fathers love their mothers more than boys who are only attached to their mothers.

Similarly, under the influence of Oedipus plot, how can a boy live in a family with a poor relationship between husband and wife? Although the boy will succumb to his father's strength in consciousness, he will compete fiercely with his father in his subconscious. In a bad family relationship, it is impossible for a child to be a loved child with peace of mind, but he is unconsciously involved in this family competition. As an adult, even if he hates his father's behavior and wants to escape from the wrong relationship model between his parents, he will unconsciously re-enter the relationship model shown by his parents and enter the original life cycle because of the long-term lack of such feelings and expressions of love.

Only when children belong to children and parents belong to parents, and everyone plays his role and forms a healthy individual, can the whole family and society be harmonious.