The first section "post-80s" status of father education
Nowadays, the first generation of only children who grew up after family planning, "post-80 s", have begun to become fathers. Their unique thoughts and unconventional behaviors are subverting the traditional father role and no longer imitating their parents' educational methods; They are treating their next generation with the perspective and way of their own generation. However, there are some problems and disadvantages in their educational methods, which have also aroused widespread concern in society.
First, the absence of the role of father.
With the rapid development of social economy, people who should be fathers can't play the role of real fathers in the family. Because they are busy with their careers, they often entrust their children to their wives or parents, thus neglecting to educate their children and making them lack fatherly love. The "post-80 s" fathers are divided into three categories. First, most fathers think that providing children with a superior growth environment is the ability to meet all their material needs; The second thinks that he has no experience in educating children and can't educate them well, so he doesn't participate in the task of educating children; Third, follow the traditional division of family roles in China and the traditional concept of "women take care of their husbands and educate their children". Moreover, due to the increasing pressure of life in modern society, post-80s women should also participate in social work. Moreover, in the case of limited time and energy, the mother's education for her children is also lacking to a certain extent, and the father can't fill the missing education in time, which leads to the incomplete family education of her children.
Second, the "post-80s" father education problems
We made a random survey on the children's education status of 100 "post-80s" fathers, and found that the biggest problem of "post-80s" fathers in children's education is the dislocation of their fathers' educational roles, followed by traditional and wrong educational concepts and methods. The "post-80s" fathers have no time to accompany their children, and their awareness of re-learning is weak. The conflict and imbalance between ideal self and realistic self and their own immaturity are also the main problems in children's education, as shown in Figure 3. 1.
Most of the education received by the "post-80s" fathers is solid skill-based learning or exam-oriented education, which mainly focuses on the cultivation of ability and ignores the cultivation of psychology. It can be said that it is a generation bound by standardized education. "Post-80s" fathers don't want their children to repeat the same mistakes, so they pay more attention to their uniqueness, personality and all-round development, instead of simply letting them pursue high marks on the test paper.
Through investigation, we found that the parenting experience of "post-80s" fathers mainly comes from the teaching of the elderly. In addition, "post-80s" fathers will learn scientific parenting knowledge through parenting books or online. Children's education mainly depends on themselves, and parents need help to take care of their children when they are busy at work. The "post-80 s" fathers like to give their children more room for free development.
The second section analyzes the education of fathers born after 1980s.
First, there is a lack of father's participation time.
With the rapid development of society, the pace of life is getting faster and faster, and everyone in every family is under the pressure of life. Some "post-80 s" fathers want to grow up with their children, but they are unable to do so. As the pillar of the family, my father needs to be busy with his work all day in order to support his family. In the early morning, the child has already rushed to the company to work before waking up; At night, I may work overtime, and often come home after my child falls asleep. I have no time to communicate with my child and I can only feel helpless.
20 12 June, China News Network reported: Research shows that fathers play a great role in raising children, and China fathers have insufficient time to raise children; At the same time, the international long-term research and analysis of about 1 1000 on parents and their children confirmed that in the process of children's growth, father's care is as important as maternal love, and even plays a greater role in shaping children's character. Canal, emeritus professor of family studies at the University of Connecticut in the United States, pointed out that if children continue to feel the recognition and recognition from their fathers, then this positive feeling will be closely related to their good conduct when they grow up, such as less hostility, independence, self-esteem, stable and rich emotions, responsiveness and positive outlook on the world.
Communication between father and son is an important carrier to maintain parent-child relationship. In some adolescent families, due to the lack of communication between father and son, the way is improper, and even conflicts may arise between father and son. There is a little fable that once reflected such a' father-son relationship': a child wants to borrow his father's time for an hour and pay his father's salary so that he can spend more time with his father. This reflects the child's desire and attention to his father.
A psychologist found through investigation that boys whose children have contact with their fathers for at least two hours every day can show more lively personality, get along more harmoniously with others and be more manly than boys who have contact with their fathers for less than six hours in a week. However, in society, few children can get enough companionship from their fathers.
Second, my father's awareness of re-learning is weak.
According to Zhao, a graduate student of East China Normal University, there are 69. 2% of fathers said that the biggest difficulty in participating in family education is the lack of correct methods and knowledge to educate their children, but their awareness of re-learning is very weak. As shown in figure 3. 7、3。 8 shows that the total number of people surveyed is 698, and there are only 1 1 before and after the birth of the child. 03% fathers often read books about how to educate their children; Only 10. 65,438+07% fathers have attended various social training courses on how to educate their children.
If the "post-80s" fathers don't improve themselves in time, it will affect their mastery of science education knowledge, further affect their father's scientific education and guidance to their children, and eventually lead fathers to always follow an empirical model when educating their children. In some interviews, although some families subscribe to education-related newspapers and magazines, most "post-80 s" fathers have no time to read them. These fathers have poor enthusiasm for learning educational knowledge, which leads to the backwardness of their own educational concepts and affects the scientific education of their children. Because of some incorrect communication methods, the "post-80 s" fathers can't understand their children's real thoughts and the characteristics of their physical and mental development. In some families, some "post-80s" fathers don't know how to communicate with their children, even in some simple and rude ways.
Third, the role of father's own family education is misplaced.
The cognition of "post-80 s" fathers to their roles directly affects their actions. Some parents can't clearly understand their role in the family, lack commitment to family responsibilities and make little contribution to family education. Some fathers are forced by family pressure to raise their children in order to continue their offspring, but they don't want to have children voluntarily. Objectively speaking, they know that they are already a father, but they can't enter the role of father in time, and they lack care and education for their children.
Suzhou Canglang Experimental Primary School conducted a targeted survey on "Who cares more about children's education". 9. The results show that among 4 1 students' families, 25 are mainly managed and cared for by their mothers, accounting for more than 60%. There are four fathers in charge, less than10%; Less than 20% of the seven "ideas together and management together"; There are five children, usually in the charge of grandparents.
Fourth, traditional and wrong educational concepts and methods.
Under the influence of the traditional concept of "women take care of their husbands and educate their children" or "men are the masters outside and women are the masters inside", some "post-80 s" fathers evade their educational responsibilities at home. They just think of themselves as providers of family life. I focus on maintaining a good family life and try my best to provide a good material life for my family. Nowadays, the social competition is extremely fierce and the pressure of life is getting heavier and heavier, which makes some "post-80 s" fathers have to give up their educational responsibilities for their children and naturally put all the educational responsibilities on their mothers. Traditional ideas have a far-reaching impact on people's lives, which leads to the fact that in many families, fathers bear the responsibility of supporting their families and mothers bear the responsibility of educating their children, which also leads to the lack of education and fatherly love for children.
20 1 1, "the best fight between cows and children in history" became popular on the internet, which triggered a big discussion among netizens. According to a reporter's investigation, the father of the girl in the video is Mr. Lan, the owner of a restaurant in Renqiu City, Hebei Province. His view on education is obviously influenced by regional culture and personal experience. Mr. Lan from Inner Mongolia has inherited the tradition of nomadic people. He believes that in this era of the law of the jungle, children should be made to understand from an early age that they should dare to attack and fight back in the face of bullying. When Mr. Lan was about ten years old, he was bullied because he couldn't beat others in a fight. Later, he also experienced some hardships in the process of starting a business, so he realized that children must have the ability to protect themselves if they want to gain a foothold in society. Father's educational behavior directly reflects his own beliefs, experiences and value judgments. "This is an era of the law of the jungle", "Children are weak in character" and "no one dares to mess with them in class". For children who have not yet the ability to judge right and wrong, these "teachings" of their parents will affect the way they look at the world, others and themselves. In many traditional families in China, most of them follow the family education model of "loving mother strict father". Moreover, many "post-80s" fathers think that the way strict father treats his children is simple and rude, which seriously hurts their self-esteem.
They seriously neglected their children's independent personality and regarded them as their own private property, which led to children's fear of their father, and the relationship between father and son became tense, alienated and even broken, losing their father's due love and dignity. It is not difficult to find that there are more female teachers than male teachers on campus. It seems that education is the bounden duty of women. In education, female teachers tend to educate students emotionally, which makes students more receptive, which makes it more difficult for the male role of father to get close to children and get a good education.
5. The conflict and imbalance between father's ideal self and realistic self.
Everyone wants to get a good coordination between value and practice, but there is a big gap between ideal and reality. In the variety show "Where is Dad?", we can see that Tian Liang, one of the guests, once said that he wanted to be a kind father. However, Tian Liang also said that being a good father requires pressure, which is not as simple as imagined. Therefore, not all situations can be firmly controlled by themselves, and family education will not develop in an ideal state. In real life, there are many children of high officials, rich people and celebrities who deviate from their original intentions because of their fathers' negligence in educating their children, which leads to their children going astray. This series of events shows the gap between their father's educational ideal and reality, and the ideal education cannot be realized in reality. Many executives will put educating children and managing enterprises in the same important position. Everyone expects their children to become talents, but the facts mercilessly deny the educational methods of these fathers.