Before you figure out how to give a girl a sense of security in a long-term relationship, you must first figure out what a sense of security is. The so-called sense of security is the psychological demand for stability and security. A sense of security is more of a spiritual thing, and it is an internal need as an advanced animal.
A sense of security can be materialistic or spiritual, which can be embodied in a beautiful big house and endless money, and can also be extended to a warm greeting and a firm look. ......
"A sense of security means that no matter how busy you are at work, you have to work overtime and socialize late. As long as I remember that I have a home and someone is waiting for me at home, I feel at ease. I just want to go home. "
"A sense of security means that whenever I face an important choice, he silently supports me behind my back, because I know that no matter whether I succeed or fail, happy or depressed, he is the one who has always been with me."
People at different levels have different needs for safety. People who often go hungry will feel very happy and satisfied after three meals, while the super-rich who run amok on Wall Street every day may worry about their personal safety every day.
When you are uncertain about something or someone's next action, you will feel unsafe. Society and feelings are the same. Many times, the reason why a relationship ends is the uncertainty of future life. If your role in this relationship fails to give the other person a life goal and win the trust of the other person in time, it will lead to insecurity and even suspicion. If one of the two sides in a relationship has persistent suspicion, even the two sides with the best emotional foundation will gradually lose the most precious thing in love-trust.
Trust is the lubricant of friction in emotional life and the basis of building a sense of security, so is the sense of security in long-term relationships.
The sense of security in a long-term relationship can be divided into two stages: first, the sense of security at the beginning of the initial establishment of feelings; It is a long-term stability factor and a higher level of security. The degree and demand of the two guarantees are different.
When the relationship is initially established, the sense of security that the other party needs may only be whether you are reliable and how to behave. In the middle and late period of a long-term relationship, when you want to move on to a higher level (marriage), the sense of security becomes whether you are responsible or not and whether you are responsible for the whole family.
This is determined by the female physiological structure and historical evolution. In the distant primitive society, the threat of hunger and disease will make women more cautious when choosing a partner. Pregnancy in October will not only cause mobility inconvenience, but also lead to loss of life, which requires women to give priority to those with high safety factor when choosing partners and make the most beneficial choice for themselves.
Vagrant education (WeChat official account ID: puamaplangji) believes that everything is divided into two aspects, and the security of long-term relationships is divided into external establishment and internal creation. External establishment is to make the other party feel that you are a safe person through some methods or means. Internal cultivation is to make the other person feel that you have been providing her with a sense of security and convince her that her choice is right. A truly strong sense of security requires "both internal and external training."
External establishment method 1: respect each other. Undeniably, men's physiological structure and other social attributes (spirit and perseverance) make men occupy a more active position in daily life. In life, we often see examples of men not respecting women enough: "How can you speak for a woman?" "Men talk, women don't interrupt" ... Although women are vulnerable groups, they are eager to be respected. Traditional culture does make women unpopular in social history, but as men in the new era, they should fully respect girls, which is the first step to establish a sense of security. No girl will like a boy who doesn't respect herself, let alone a long-term relationship.
External establishment method 2: tolerance. Tolerance means that as a broad-minded man, getting along in a long-term relationship is actually a process in which two people grind away the edges and corners for each other. Imagine that you care more about a little thing than a girl, and the other party will only think that you are a petty hypocrite. A real man should look at the flowers blooming in front of the court and the clouds rolling in the sky. Men should be broad-minded and have a big picture. A girl can rush to your tolerance everywhere, and her natural security will be doubled.
External establishment method 3: get rid of the people around her. Women are emotional animals, and are often more easily influenced by their surroundings than men. In bubble learning, one trick is very useful-get her best friend before you get her. Many times, we confide in girls, but we still can't stand a word from our girlfriends, the golden rule. When we build a sense of security for the girl again, we can do the opposite, get rid of the people around her, and let the people around her feel that you are a reliable person, and the effect is better.
Built-in: Simply put, built-in is to make the other person feel that everything you do has only one purpose-for her. Creating inner security is to enhance your control over her and her sense of certainty about your motives. Let her have great expectations for you, your behavior, your attitude towards her. The strength of security depends on her trust in you, and the source of security is the stability and reliability of your long-term security. When everything she wants is the same as your behavior pattern, she will always feel safe.
Everyone has a tendency to yearn for inner world stability, desperately earning more money to buy a bigger house, a better car, and finding a more beautiful girl ... Finally, we found that what we originally wanted was inner world stability.
In fact, the sense of security is not to get anything, but a feeling of being needed in the deep heart. Grasping this is the magic weapon to provide security in your long-term relationship.