Case background

Background 1:

Teachers of first-line education occasionally find signs of "puppy love" among senior students, especially sixth-grade students, which are embodied in the following points:

1, boys and girls "fall in love with red rocks" and write "love letters";

2. Gossip in the class-"So-and-so boy likes so-and-so girl", "So-and-so girl has been staring at so-and-so boy recently" and "So-and-so boy is waiting for so-and-so girl somewhere after school today" ...

3. Intimate relationship. Couples, boys and girls on or off campus, even hug or kiss in a "secret" way that is close to public.

Students suddenly become very concerned about dressing up, wearing fashionable clothes, in the classroom. Occasionally reading extra-curricular books or playing mobile phones under drawers, your grades decline.

Background 2:

Ma Tongxue, 13 years old, a boy from Class 6 (1), is a squadron learning committee member. He is a "handsome boy" with lively and cheerful personality, talkative, full of masculinity and excellent academic performance, and has a "girl affinity" in school. His mother is a kindergarten nurse and his father works in an environmental health center. His family environment is relatively superior and happy.

Xu, 12 years old, a girl from Class 6 (1), is a "mass". She is introverted, mature in appearance, fashionable in dress and below average in academic performance. She has lived with her grandparents for a long time. Her parents divorced a few months ago, and the family environment was relatively unhappy.

I am a male, 27 years old. I came to work in our school in September 2009. I took over the Chinese teaching of Class 4 (1) and have been the head teacher ever since.

Case flow

Story 1:

At the beginning of school, according to the teacher's reaction, during class, xu teacher always twisted his head and whispered to the desk behind him, but refused to change after repeated instructions. This happens occasionally in my Chinese class and quality club class. After my patient criticism and education, the situation has improved. However, the good times did not last long, and the two students "re-applied the same trick". I have to accept Mr. Wang's suggestion and move from Xu's "sight" to another group. Who knows, the good times didn't last long. These two "guys" actually "beat the cows across the mountain"-they even "winked" every other group and even talked when the teacher wasn't paying attention. To this end, I also talked to their parents, but after a period of time, the effect is still not obvious;

Story 2:

One day, when I was correcting my homework in Chinese class, xu teacher whispered to me again. They are still talking after I motioned them not to talk in class twice. As a result, I criticized them by name. Who knows, a naughty boy in the class said loudly: "xu teacher likes Ma Tongxue!" " There was an uproar in the class. I immediately stopped the "rumor" of the naughty boy to stabilize the "people's heart".

Story 3:

When doing morning exercises, I found several times that two tall men, Xu and I, were not doing exercises seriously in the back, but chatting secretly there. After criticism and education, the situation has improved, but this move of "Yuanyang" has entered the sight of other discerning female teachers and then reached my ears. Did they really play puppy love? I can't believe it.

Story 4:

The other day, I heard from the English teacher in the next class that she met our class and Xu alone in Shuicheng one day, and they might be "dating". Now, I kind of believe that they are really "puppy love".

Story 5:

At noon two days ago, during the break, I temporarily went to the class to correct my homework. When I entered the door, the scene almost scared me silly-hugging Xu behind the teacher, his mouth pressed against Xu's neck. Before I could speak, the students who were playing in the class shouted, "Ma Tongxue, Miss Li is here!" Ma Xu's two classmates separated at once, and when they saw me, they looked embarrassed. I still didn't speak and pretended not to see anything, but Ma Tongxue, who had a guilty conscience, immediately explained to me: "We are good friends!" "Playing games ..." There was a burst of laughter in the class, and some shy girls ran to the corridor or downstairs to "strike up a conversation".

Now I finally understand. ...

Afterwards, under the guidance of Mr. Liu, an old math teacher, I talked with Xu Jin respectively, and the results confirmed what I saw and heard. He and Xu admitted their "mistakes" respectively, and verbally indicated that they should correct this "mistake" and concentrate on their studies. To this end, I also promised them that I would not tell their parents for the time being and let them try to solve their emotional problems themselves.

I continued to observe the performance of these two students. ...

Case reflection

As a male teacher and head teacher who has just joined the work for more than two years, I take the sixth grade for the first time and deal with the situation of students' "puppy love" for the first time. In this regard, I consulted the old teachers and made the following analysis:

First, the scientific nature of the word "puppy love".

What is puppy love? Is it unscientific to say "puppy love"? Some emerging educators, psychologists and students think that the word "puppy love" is unscientific. Because teenagers accelerate their development in adolescence, they gradually mature sexually after the emergence of secondary sexual characteristics, and there is an adult trend both physically and psychologically. Therefore, it is a common situation in adolescence to have a good impression on the opposite sex or to have love behavior, which is the necessity of physical and psychological development. It should not be described as "puppy love" with subjective feelings.

In western society, it is considered normal for teenagers to fall in love, kiss and hug (besides, western society is more open and hugs between friends of the opposite sex are completely acceptable).

As long as they don't have sex or lead to teenage pregnancy, even in a conservative religious family, high school students over 16 will not be restricted from falling in love. In recent years, although some religious people have raised objections to unmarried sex, they only advocate premarital chastity, rather than prohibiting teenagers from falling in love.

In fact, in the west, the word "puppy love" does not exist. In China's cultural circle, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Vietnam and other countries and regions, and even East Asia as a whole, are not as hostile to adolescent love as Chinese mainland. However, most westerners think it is incomprehensible that China schools restrict students from falling in love.

In the old society of China, most marriages were arranged by parents. Although there are many young sons-in-law and few couples, it can only be called early marriage and early childbearing. As for love, it is not allowed at any age, not only puppy love is considered bad.

For the need of case study, I have to quote "Baidu Entry" (I hereby declare my gratitude to Baidu website), which is defined as follows:

1, narrow definition

Puppy love, literally, is puppy love. what is love ? Is it a secret love? No, it's someone who has already confessed (love letter, direct confession and so on). Strictly speaking, only when both men and women confess to each other can it be called love. If there is no confession, it can't be called love, let alone puppy love. Only the act of confession (love letter, direct confession, etc.). ) can be counted as love, and after it is counted as love, it is judged whether it is puppy love according to the stage of education. It is generally believed that love before college belongs to the so-called "puppy love".

2. Broad definition

Puppy love is not a formal and professional word, but it is widely used in Chinese mainland. In fact, there is no formal standard to define whether it is puppy love. It is obviously unscientific to classify teenagers' love for the opposite sex due to their normal physical and mental development as "puppy love" It is generally believed that teenage love will bring many problems, such as affecting teenagers' physical and mental health and academic performance, especially for girls, but generally it will not have too serious impact. Puppy love often ends in failure, and few of them can be together for a lifetime; Others think that puppy love is teenagers' exploration and study of the relationship between men and women, preparing for future love and marriage, and should not be excessively prohibited and suppressed.

3. The definition of adolescent love

Adolescence love refers to the love behavior that occurs in adolescence, or the love for the opposite sex. In China, traditional elders and exam-oriented educators generally believe that love before 16 should be counted as "puppy love" and strongly oppose this kind of love behavior. Yuan Mei's Wuziyu tells a story: A Buddhist monk in Wutai Mountain received a novice monk, who was only three years old at that time. Wutai Mountain is the highest. Master and apprentice practice at the top of the mountain and never go down. Ten years later, the teacher took his apprentice down the mountain. Shami knows nothing when he sees cattle, horses, chickens and dogs. The teacher told him because of his finger, "this cow can also plow the fields." This horse can also be ridden. This chicken and dog can also announce the dawn and watch the door. " Misha is passive. After a while, a young woman passed by, and Shami asked in surprise, "What is this?" Worried about his temptation, the teacher told him seriously: "This tiger, whoever dares to approach, will kill him, leaving no bones left." Misha is passive. Going up the mountain at night, the teacher asked, "What you saw at the foot of the mountain today, do you have the heart to miss him?" "I don't want anything but a tiger that eats people. I always feel that I can't give him up." This story illustrates a seed boy's desire for the opposite sex. However, in the field of science, teenagers' love for the opposite sex due to their normal physical and psychological development is classified as "puppy love" in a broad sense, which is contrary to science.

Second, why do young students "puppy love"?

Internal cause

1, the first is the natural instinctive function of adolescent sexual physiology and psychological development.

Adolescents who enter adolescence begin to have sexual awareness with their physical development. They began to look at the communication between boys and girls sensitively, and they watched every move of their opposite sex classmates. Gradually, one or more "ideal models" of the opposite sex are formed on the basis of good feelings for the opposite sex, and in the common communication of many men and women, the good feelings of the opposite sex in groups gradually turn to attachment to the individual opposite sex, forming one-on-one actions, that is, puppy love.

Students' psychological development can't keep up with the speed of physical development, and they lack self-control ability psychologically. They began to become interested in the opposite sex, began to show themselves, and began to attract the attention of others, but they didn't know how to master the discretion and how to stop.

2. Attract each other. Because boys have an open-minded and provocative side, many girls talk to individual boys if they don't want to talk, while women have a gentle and considerate side. Boys also want to be comforted by girls when they encounter some situations. In the long run, it may also cause young students to fall in love.

3. The role of teenagers' independent consciousness. They blindly yearn for and pursue the adult world, thinking that falling in love represents their maturity, while ignoring the cultivation, exercise and improvement of their psychological quality, which is a lack of rationality.

(2) External factors

1 First of all, the family, modern family life is getting richer and richer, and food and health products promote students' physical precocity. Especially girls are physically mature earlier than before.

Families often take a strictly forbidden attitude on this issue, not allowing children to have normal heterosexual contacts and blocking all books and periodicals about sexual knowledge and love descriptions, which leads to some children's rebellious mentality.

The direct cause of a considerable number of students' puppy love is the narrow social scope. The only child causes parents to care more about their children and are unwilling to let them leave their sight and go out to find a partner, which leads to more loneliness. Many families often only see children's material needs, but ignore children's desire for love and sexual guidance.

With the increase of divorced families, the number of "problem" teenagers is also increasing. Some children from divorced families lack the love of their parents and the warmth of their families. They lack the love of the opposite sex since childhood. As their physiology matures, the attraction of the opposite sex becomes stronger and stronger. Once the opposite sex pays more attention to them, it will easily lead to puppy love over time and seek comfort from peers.

Secondly, some schools and teachers take an evasive attitude towards this issue and prohibit individual contact between male and female students. Once any trace of puppy love is found, it will be indiscriminately characterized as "puppy love" and even publicly punished, which will often seriously dampen students' self-esteem.

3. Thirdly, it is the influence of social environment.

Nowadays, with the development of science and technology, society has brought convenience to mankind, but it has also brought many negative effects. Various media in the society often broadcast some scenes of underage love, which left a deep impression on students' hearts, from idolization to imitation, and finally strayed into the quagmire.

Social moral public opinion is more and more open to heterosexual communication. The direction of media public opinion is incorrect. Bad books, newspapers, vulgar and even yellow movies and videos also have a direct impact on young people's puppy love.

The development of society, the improvement of material conditions and the increase of entertainment places objectively facilitate the independent communication of middle school students. The popularity of telephones and computers, the temptation of internet cafes, game halls and discos, and some bad social atmosphere are all impacting the campus.

The following is a description of the reasons for puppy love on Baidu website for your reference (I hereby declare my gratitude to Baidu website):

1, worship type

This kind of teenager falls in love with each other. This kind of puppy love is very common. According to the different reasons of love, it can be divided into the following three categories:

(1) instrument type. This kind of puppy love is caused by the external appearance of loving each other, which is also the most common, but it is also the most difficult to sustain and stabilize. There are always handsome guys and beautiful women in school who are envied by the opposite sex, which includes this factor.

(2) professional knowledge. This is puppy love caused by appreciating each other's ability or their own expertise. This kind of puppy love is often the initiative of girls.

(3) Personality type. This kind of puppy love is produced because I like some qualities that I admire in the other person and lasts for a long time.

2. Curious

This is the phenomenon of puppy love because of curiosity about the opposite sex. With the continuous development of sexual consciousness, teenagers will be curious about the body, life, psychology and attitude of the opposite sex, which is a psychological phenomenon of teenagers. Teenagers are prone to sexual impulses, thus maintaining a sensitive attitude towards the opposite sex. In order to satisfy this curiosity, they made friends with the opposite sex.

3. Imitation type

This is the phenomenon of puppy love caused by imitating this behavior in society, film and television works, newspapers and books.

4. Consistency types

This is the phenomenon of puppy love caused by the pressure of peers around. For example, a love relationship that doesn't exist in the first place may be invented by people around you, that is, "rumors" or "gossip". In such an environment, under the pressure of public opinion, it is easy to admire it.

5. Pleasant types

Adolescent men and women, as classmates or even deskmates, will have a more detailed and thorough understanding of each other because of more communication and information transmission. In this case, puppy love is prone to occur. This is also an important reason for "classmate love" or even "deskmate love".

6. Compensation type

Some teenagers suffer setbacks in their study and life, and their self-esteem is damaged. In order to achieve the purpose of venting, they often look for the opposite sex to forget their pain and seek compensation. This kind of puppy love is integrated with real feelings and is easy to develop and deepen.

7. Reverse type

Due to social consciousness and public opinion, teenagers' sexual intercourse is often improperly interfered by their parents and teachers, which easily induces their psychology of "You forbid me to do this, but I will do it anyway". Under the influence of this rebellious mentality, normal and appropriate heterosexual communication may rapidly develop into puppy love.

8. Pathological types

In contemporary society, superior nutritional conditions are easy to lead to overnutrition, and the role of sex hormones contained in food or various special physiological diseases, family inheritance and other factors are easy to cause precocious puberty and even sexual metamorphosis. This is the main objective factor that induces adolescent puppy love.

Third, the advantages and disadvantages of young students' "puppy love".

(A) the "benefits" of puppy love.

Undeniably, in some cases, puppy love also has its advantages, which is very common among students. Some students think that puppy lovers often catch up with each other in grades to get each other's pleasure and preference, thus making their grades rise; There are also some bad characters and habits, which have been corrected because they have a kind of worship for someone, restrain themselves from liking anything everywhere in life, and take the standard of worship as the criterion of life. Puppy love can also make people exercise their social skills and enhance interpersonal relationships.

(2) The disadvantages of puppy love.

1, "puppy love" is not good for health. Because many dog lovers are emotionally unstable, impulsive, emotional and have poor self-control, they often have various negative emotions and affect their health. This will lead to a series of physical discomfort, and over time, symptoms such as digestive tract diseases and hypoglycemia may occur.

2. "Puppy love" is not conducive to mental health. For puppy love, puppy love is a process full of joy and depression. Because of their love for each other, puppy lovers often change their mood because of each other's harsh requirements; There is also pressure from parents, classmates and teachers because of puppy love, which leads to psychological imbalance; When they can't meet their lover, puppy lovers tend to be restless, addicted to fantasy and beg for comfort in fantasy. If this psychology develops too deeply, a few people will have sex with the opposite sex because they can't restrain their emotions.

3. Puppy love interferes with learning. It is very common that teenagers have poor self-control ability, often have no intention to study, and their grades drop. This is the most important reason why people who oppose puppy love oppose puppy love. Everything affects everyone differently. What is good for others may be bad for you, and so is puppy love. It depends on how you handle this matter.

4. "Puppy love" may lead to deviant behavior. Many psychologists believe that teenagers are enthusiastic, impulsive and have poor self-control ability. Therefore, many boys and girls in love can't control their feelings and have sex prematurely, which is the most serious harm caused by puppy love to both sides.

5, "puppy love" may lead to crime. Dog lovers are generally young and energetic, and are very sensitive to some events. Especially in front of his girlfriend, boys are angry with some behaviors that make them "jealous" and fight with some people, which leads to crimes.

There is another situation, because parents don't support it, the money spent on falling in love can't be taken out, which induces the idea of stealing. This is the most serious harm of puppy love to society.

Four, young students "puppy love", what should we do?

Teachers should play the role of listeners.

A successful educator should have enough patience and tolerance. Then, in the face of students' tendency of puppy love, he should have this accomplishment, regard himself as their friend, be willing to listen to them and help them solve problems. Only in this way can he know the students' truest thoughts and guide them in a targeted way.

2. Have a correct attitude and handling methods.

When we find that some boys and girls have close contacts, we should first distinguish whether their contacts are ordinary or puppy love. In fact, the communication between many boys and girls is just normal, and there is no motivation to fall in love. If we are suspicious of them, make groundless accusations, we will always label them as "puppy love", but remind those innocent children to let things happen. However, if they are found to be puppy love, teachers must treat them calmly and cautiously, understand their innocent feelings, respect their personality, help them analyze the reasons of puppy love in detail, point out the blindness of their love, educate them to correctly understand the harm that puppy love brings to their study progress and even their body and mind, help them establish correct sexual morality and lofty ideals, and guide them to return to the group and classmates.

3, aesthetic education, nip in the bud.

Psychological fluctuations will inevitably occur during the growth of students, and many things cannot be stopped in advance. Therefore, students should be given aesthetic education as soon as possible. On the one hand, let students understand that first love is the purest emotional flower in life, and we should cherish it whenever it blooms. On the other hand, let students understand that the closeness between the opposite sex is based on admiration. If you want to pay attention to yourself, you must make yourself better.

4. Actively carry out sexual knowledge education.

Primary school students have little knowledge of physical health in the course, and now it is a new subject to strengthen sexual knowledge education. In many scenes of movies, TV and other media, sexual exaggeration and exaggeration are undoubtedly important to children. The current situation is that sex education in schools lags behind social sex exaggeration and exaggeration. Don't stay at the level of morality and embarrassment, think more about protecting children.

Speaking of this question, I think of a certain adolescent physiology class in our class at the beginning of the semester. A teacher asked boys and girls to attend classes separately. I think this practice is debatable. Will the teacher's "avoidance" attitude towards sexual knowledge aggravate boys' and girls' fantasies about the opposite sex? From the waiting before class and the "after-class discussion" I observed, I confirmed my worry. Perhaps, the teacher has encountered the problem of considering the "dilemma" and is afraid that the students will be "more troublesome" if they know more. However, I still feel a little sorry for this teacher's practice. Why can't we have sex education naturally like male doctors in obstetrics and gynecology in hospitals?

5. Home-school contact. When the problem of young students' "puppy love" cannot be effectively solved unilaterally by the school, teachers may wish to actively contact their parents to jointly study and solve the problem.

6. Use social resources. Teachers can guide students and parents to use social psychological counseling and other institutions to solve the problem of "puppy love"