Children's egocentricity will affect their life path, so do you know how to get rid of children's egocentricity? Here's how I can get my children out of themselves. I will talk about the causal relationship between alienated labor and private property.

You are not the center, you are not the little emperor.

With the hit of "Where is Dad?" in the third season, we spent another wonderful summer with happiness, tears and emotion. Babies are really cute, dads are really funny, and the most important thing is that we have learned a lot of parenting experience from star dads. Although some places are not as good as everyone expected, this is their real life. There is nothing to criticize except praising them. Recalling the pictures of each issue, there will always be some shots and words in my mind. Just like in the latest episode of the show, when Liu Ye took Enoch to find the house where they lived, Star Dad's words made me want to write something.

Do you remember when they came to the room, Enoch climbed into bed happily? At this time, the master grandpa came over and turned on the electric fan for them enthusiastically, and exchanged a few commonplaces with Liu Ye. At this point, Enoch was lying in bed, chanting in his mouth. Grandpa asked Enoch how old he was, but Enoch didn't answer in words, just indicated how old he was with his fingers. Seeing this, Liu Ye said to Enoch with some disappointment, "Who do you think you are? Adults talk to you and you don't listen. Grandpa is talking to you here. Dad is talking to you. We're talking. You are not the center. You are not a little emperor. Ask you to do it and educate you. This is a must ... ". Dear mom and dad, will we often encounter the same situation in our lives? Children are immersed in their own world, regardless of other people's feelings, which makes us feel humiliated and angry. It's not really the child's fault. The reason why they behave like this stems from "children's self-centeredness".

Get out of the misunderstanding of egocentrism

What is "egocentric"? Egocentricity is a psychological term put forward by psychologist Piaget. Piaget once did a three-mountain experiment: three hills were randomly placed on a three-dimensional sand dune model. First, let the children observe the model from different directions, then let them look at four photos of sand dunes taken from four directions, and let them point out which photo another person (experimenter or doll) saw in different directions. Without exception, children think that the sand dunes seen by another person are the same as those seen by themselves. This experiment shows that children at this stage do not have the ability to choose opinions-to understand things objectively from the standpoint and viewpoint of others, and to think and look at things completely from their own perspective, which is self-centered. He pointed out that the lack of coordination in activities and the lack of distinction between subject and object are the roots of psychological egoism. That is to say, once a child is born, he is in the nastic movement stage (0-2 years old). He lives in a universe without objects and has no self-awareness. This is an extremely egocentric stage. In the pre-operation stage (2-7 years old), children can communicate with others by language, and their understanding of the world has formed a representation. Children began to use the word "I" to mark the establishment of self-awareness. Children in this period often hear "I want …, I want …, I don't want … my …", which shows that they have entered a new self-centered stage. At this stage, children cannot. For example, if you think sugar is delicious, you think others like it very much. Egocentrism is an inevitable stage in the development of children's early self-awareness.

Egocentric = selfish? Many parents like to say that their babies are self-centered and selfish. For example, babies don't share with their children every time they eat, or parents can't get what they want. At this time, mothers will think that their children are so stingy, and sometimes they will say "cheapskate". Can you see the difference between this behavior of babies and what we adults usually call egoism and selfishness? Of course, babies are very young and tend to focus on their own needs and interests and think for themselves. The reason why babies behave like this is not because they are selfish and generous, but because they are subject to their psychological and intellectual development level. Adults talk about selfishness and egoism from a moral point of view. True selfishness means that when individuals face conflicts between their own interests and those of the other party, they will give priority to their own interests regardless of the loss of the other party. In addition, selfish people usually realize that their actions may harm the interests of others while being selfish, and will still do what they can according to their own interests. However, all the behaviors that our babies show based on their own will are just unintentional. They never want to go back and hurt anyone around them, so self-centeredness is not the same as selfishness.

Is egoism always negative in the growth of children? Of course not. Just as everything has two sides, we usually see the back of egoism. What is the front of it? The "egocentrism" I understand is actually caused by the characteristics of children's thinking development. Perhaps parents can better understand the various self-centered behaviors that children have. So when we know that children are "self-centered", we know that children are growing up. This growth is shown in: 1. The needs of children have increased. In the past, children may only be satisfied with eating and sleeping and feel comfortable, but now babies need to buy toys, ice cream and constant companionship from their mothers. 2. The child's ability has been enhanced, from crying to language expression, from passive satisfaction to independent action. In a sense, children who show "egocentricity" are normal children. Piaget also believes that children have animistic thinking characteristics, especially self-centered children. At this stage, children, like people, are conscious of everything in the world, and their actions and changes are purposeful and conscious activities, so they often regard toys as partners in life and play and talk with them. For example, a child was playing with his toy car and it ran into a ditch. He thinks it is "disobedient"; I accidentally bumped into the table. He thought it was the fault of the table and it was intentional, so he asked his parents to hit the table several times. Such thinking characteristics are not harmful to children's growth, at least it shows that they have imagination and can connect some experiences of life observation with the surrounding things. Therefore, as parents, there is no need to be surprised or annoyed by their children's egocentricity.

Decentralization

Self-centeredness is a necessary stage for children to grow up. Children begin to have self-awareness at the age of one or two, and the peak of self-centeredness is at the age of three or four. With the improvement of children's social ability, language ability and intelligence and the expansion of their activities, especially at the age of five or six, children are becoming less and less self-centered and gradually aware of the existence of other people's opinions or viewpoints, thus distinguishing and coordinating their relationship with others in "concept or concept activities" and gradually completing decentralization. Therefore, everyone has "egocentrism", but there are individual differences. As children grow up, they will go beyond "self-centeredness" and become mature. However, if children are too self-inclined, or remain at the self-centered stage at the age of six or seven, the problem will be serious. How to better help children achieve self-centeredness, here are some suggestions for parents:

1, mom and dad should have a sense of "self-centeredness"

On the road, I often see my mother chasing the baby and saying, "Hurry up and put on your clothes, or you will catch a cold." The children kept pushing and shoving not to wear clothes. They all looked angry and even cried, but the mother still put the clothes on the children and kept nagging, "Why are you so disobedient?" A few days ago, a small class in kindergarten started hosting interest classes. Do you ask parents to sign up the baby? Several parents are very enthusiastic and signed up their children. Later, I asked them if their baby would like to go to kindergarten. The answer is no, the baby doesn't go to kindergarten every day. Kindergarten is not fun. In this case, what does it feel like for children to watch their classmates go home happily and take them for an extra hour? In fact, in real life, we parents always feel that our children are self-centered. Let's reflect on whether we are always self-centered in the name of love. If we don't have a good self-awareness, often strengthening children's behavior in this way will inevitably be detrimental to children's self-centeredness. Therefore, parents should have higher self-awareness ability, lower their expectations of their children, reduce their psychology of comparing with others, leave their dream psychology to their children and empathize with them more, instead of "quiet down" "shut up" and "throw you out of the door" according to our emotions. Maybe what the baby needs is our approval.

2. Don't take children as the family center.

Now there are many only children, even if they are not only children, there are not many brothers and sisters. Family loves children, and children can easily become the core of the family. All members of the family surround the children, and the love of the whole family is poured on them, giving them everything they want. What children experience is an unparalleled sense of superiority and special feeling. Children who grow up in such an environment are mostly self-centered. How to deal with it? First of all, it is very important for children to form a correct self-understanding, so we should cancel their "special" status at home, strive to meet their reasonable needs, resolutely refuse their unreasonable demands, and let the baby know that they are equal to other members of the family. Secondly, letting the baby learn to do something for other family members can reduce the baby's dependence on adults and enhance colleagues' sense of self-worth. Thirdly, we should give children "frustration education" appropriately and let them experience hunger, fatigue, difficulties or criticism. These experiences can weaken the baby's sense of self-centeredness. Of course, this way should be careful not to bring physical and mental harm to children.

3. Take children to participate in game activities.

What children like to play is games, which can help them to be self-centered easily. For example, hide and seek, first hide for the baby to find, and then the baby hides. In the process of searching and hiding, the baby will gradually understand his relationship with others. Another example is role-playing. I often play the role of teacher and student with my baby, or mother and daughter. In the process of playing the teacher and mother, she will go beyond "herself" to imagine how to behave in each other's position. The most important thing here is to let children participate in some group activities or group games. In group activities, he will feel the happiness of cooperating, being trusted and sharing with others. Of course, these all need parents or teachers to guide them during the game, because the children's own thinking or spiritual realm is not automated to such a high degree.

case sharing

Symptoms: Meet your needs immediately.

Mother took Tu Tu back from kindergarten, and my sister fell asleep on the way back. As soon as her mother put her sister to bed, Tu Tu excitedly said to her mother, "Mom, let's go downstairs and play in the community. Both Zaizai and Lulu are playing below. " Mother said, "Yue Yue just fell asleep. Let's go later." Tu Tu said with some disappointment, "Let's go now. I won't play with you anymore." Mom: "You can't go at this time. Why are you so good and obedient? " . Tu Tu: No! I want you to come with me now (start crying hysterically), and I'll go now (throw my toy to my mother).

Treatment: Children will have many needs when they grow up, and parents will often meet them as soon as possible, which encourages self-centeredness. In this way, children form the habit of immediate satisfaction, not realizing that the satisfaction of needs is sometimes subject to many restrictions, so try to train children to delay satisfaction.

So first of all, we should empathize with the children's feelings, and then try to give them alternative ways. "Good boy, you are so angry. You threw away all your toys and are still looking forward to playing, right? But my sister is sleeping, which really disappoints you. Why don't you watch cartoons first and wait until my sister wakes up before we go down? "

Symptoms: unwilling to share his things with others.

Four-year-old Linlin is playing her skateboard downstairs. She usually has a few friends who play well. Sometimes she plays with other people's toys or eats other people's food. Today, her friend didn't bring anything. When she saw Linlin's scooter, she wanted to ride it (at this time, Linlin was tired of playing, so the scooter was thrown aside), but her mother said a lot of nice things to Linlin, but it was useless. Finally, her mother gave the car to her friend by force, and Linlin took it back in tears. Her friend cried because the car was taken back, and her mother felt so embarrassed. Why is Linlin so stingy?

Treatment: Children aged three or four have begun to develop their own sense of ownership. We can't force a child to lose what he likes best. As a mother, she first told the baby that the car was hers and would not be lost. At the same time, her friends respect her very much, and they will only ride her car if she allows them. So a mother can tell her children, "Linlin, you love your car very much, don't you? Xiaomei promised to give it back to you only for a while. She also said that she would bring her frog car for you to ride next time. If you lend it to her for a while, she will like you more and become your best friend. ......

Conclusion: I remember in the preface of "Where is Dad?" broadcast in the last issue, the King said: "People should know how to be kind, love others and work hard. Don't give up because of a little setback. The most precious thing in the world is to have a loving heart. " Well said, baby, although you are not the center of the world, you will always be the prince and princess in your parents' hearts. In order to make you better adapt to the surrounding environment and grow up healthily, your parents may help you in various ways, so that you will pay attention to others besides yourself, and your heart will always be full of love and kindness.

First, private property and alienated labor.

In Marx's view, this is the problem: since human nature is a free and conscious activity, the product of labor should be the objectification of human essential strength; However, in the real capitalist society, workers' labor products are deprived by capitalists, who in turn use their own labor products to further squeeze workers, and labor products become alien to workers, which is the alienation of labor products. Marx pointed out that not only the product of labor is alienated, but also the process of labor, and the former is the basis of the latter. The labor process has lost its original meaning and is no longer free. Labor has become a kind of torture and a kind of pain: "He is not sure of himself in his own labor, …, and this kind of activity is his own loss." 54-55 From this, Marx deduced that "human nature is alienated from human beings", that is to say, human nature was forced to decline from "free and conscious activity" to a living activity just to maintain physical survival; The final result is "alienation between people", and people are in opposition. "When people are against themselves, they are also against others." The alienation of labor products, labor process, human class nature and alienation between people all reveal the alienation of labor itself (alienated labor). According to Marx's analysis, the alienated labor of workers creates the private property of capitalists, but at the same time, the fate of workers is poverty and slavery. "through alienated labor, ... he also allows people different from him to have non-self activities." 60-6 1 In a word, private property is made up of alienated labor and produced by it. Therefore, Marx's conclusion is that "it is true that capitalist private property is the premise, analyze it, proceed from it and develop it, and since private property is the result and product of alienated labor, following this logic, with the decline of one party, the other party will inevitably decline." At the same time, in the manuscript, Marx interprets private property as the product and result of history, which shows that private property is not an eternal sacred object, thus opening its thinking dimension.

Second, actively sublate communism as private property.

Marx's lifelong pursuit of theoretical achievements is the criticism of capitalism and the pursuit of communism on this basis, which are clearly reflected in the manuscript. Marx pointed out in the second notebook of Manuscript that "communism is a positive sublation of private property, that is, human self-alienation" 8 1. It is worth noting that Marx criticized two different forms of communism in his manuscript: one is the so-called "rough communism", and the other is "the abolition of the state, but it has not yet been completed, and it is still under the influence of private property, that is, the alienation of people" 8 1. Marx criticized them for not realizing the essence of private property. In his view, only by questioning the nature of private property can we understand the communist thought in the manuscript. On this basis, Marx put forward his point of view, "Communism is a positive sublation of private property, that is, human self-alienation, ... produced within the scope of all the wealth developed in the past." The author believes that "communism is a positive sublation of private property, that is, human self-alienation." 8 1 According to Marx's interpretation, the focus of this sentence is the positive sublation of private property. "The sublation of human self-alienation" has been recognized by the first two kinds of communism criticized by Marx, and they were criticized by Marx only because they did not understand the positive essence of private property. Therefore, it is not the problem of private ownership emphasized by Corniaux, but should start with "labor is the essence of private property" 138. Moreover, sublating private property and denying private ownership and adopting a new social system are two completely different understandings. According to Hegel's understanding, sublation means both "cancellation or abandonment" and "preservation or preservation", which is not the same as "elimination". Therefore, the author thinks that Marx wants to overcome the alienation phenomenon under the condition of private ownership by sublating private ownership, while retaining his meaning of "returning externalization to itself and objective movement" 1 12. Furthermore, our understanding of private property is a concept in the sense of economic relations, while private ownership is a concept in the sense of politics and law.

Third, thinking about the origin of private property.

The first reason is that, firstly, private property is not the result of alienated labor to a great extent. Its initial existence is only the external expression of the objective relationship between subject and object, which is obviously not the result of alienated labor. However, with the development of social productive forces and the expansion of labor scope, capital is further accumulated, so there is an employment relationship between rich private property owners and poor private property owners, which leads to the separation of labor and capital. With the development of this employment relationship, the alienation of human labor and human itself began to appear, and then this alienation gradually intensified in the subsequent development process. In other words, alienated labor only aggravated the accumulation of private property, but later, private property and alienated labor became interactive. On the basis of private property, alienated labor intensifies the accumulation of private property, and the alienation of human beings is more profound, and the separation between human beings and their own essence is more profound. When this relationship develops to the extreme, according to young Marx's understanding, the whole society presents the internal demand of sublating private property and realizing the return of human nature, which is Marx's communist thought in the manuscript mentioned above. Therefore, the author believes that private property is the premise and material basis of alienated labor. Alienated labor is only the consolidation and deepening of private property. The second reason is that by sublating private property, we can realize the return of human nature and realize communism, which is actually due to the return of fruits. When Marx admits that "alienated labor is the root of private property", which implies that the former is the cause and the latter is the result, then according to the logical thinking of solving the problem, that is, eliminating the cause and eliminating the result, alienated labor should be fundamentally eliminated in order to sublate private property. However, Marx said that "communism is a humanitarianism that abandons private property as its own intermediary". 1 12 "Therefore, it is the real possession of human nature through the combination of people and people; ....., consciously and within the scope of all wealth developed in the past. "8 1 However, the inherent privateness of wealth itself must be removed to make wealth more reasonable. But if this is the case, Marx's conclusion about private property and alienated labor is problematic with the road envisaged by Marx. The problem is that in the manuscript, he did not further explore the causes of alienated labor such as private property and its system. If he does this, he can draw the opposite conclusion: private property and its system lead to alienated labor, so the contradiction discussed here is solved.

Fourth, private property of labor and private property of capital.

In view of the contradiction between private property and alienated labor analyzed above, Marx made a breakthrough thinking in the second and third notebooks of Manuscripts. Marx pointed out at the beginning of Notebook II: "The relationship between private property potentially includes the relationship between private property as labor and private property as capital, and the relationship between these two forms of expression." On the one hand, from the perspective of private property as labor, private property itself is the product of labor. For this, Locke also admits that the subject of private property is an individual with subjective initiative, and this individual is also the owner of the means of production; Individual labor must deal with the nature around itself, which is an externalized labor. At this point, the objectification and externalization of individual labor can reasonably infer that private property is labor, which can reasonably solve the contradictory discussion about the origin of private property in Notebook I to some extent. On the other hand, from the perspective of private property as capital, it is undeniable that it is developed on the basis of private property of labor. In capitalist society, the accumulation of land and capital is a great driving force for this development and change. Once capital is produced, it has an independent form, and its natural and social regulations disappear. It has a certain dominant position over labor, labor products and social members and their relations. Coupled with wage labor in capitalist society, exploitation comes into being, and the result of exploitation is alienated labor, which also leads to the alienation of people. To sum up, alienated labor must be the result of private property of capital. At this point, we can have a clear understanding of labor alienation (objectification) → labor private property → capital private property → labor alienation. In a word, in the process of writing the manuscript, although there was a big time interval between the writing of Notes I and II, Marx's breakthrough distinction between private property of labor and private property of capital really eased the previous contradiction about the origin of private property to some extent, and made his logic and thinking clearer.

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