The author works in a parent counseling agency. According to decades of children's psychological counseling and education experience, it is pointed out that to solve children's problems, parents' problems must be solved first-the latter is the most important.
Yes, this is the case in today's society. I am a kindergarten teacher who has just finished her internship. When I came to kindergarten, I deeply realized the gap between children, good children and bad children, obedient and disobedient, polite and impolite. Why is the gap so big? Until a half-day activity of parents, I finally found the answer. Parents don't care about children, don't support teachers' work, parents don't care, children are indifferent, and parents are unreasonable. Now parents are used to giving the task of education to teachers. If parents teach well, they will say thank you in a perfunctory way. It must be the teacher's responsibility that the child is not good. In fact, the influence of parents on their children after the age of three is deeply rooted. Teachers want to change, not for a day or two. The most important thing is to cooperate with parents. Therefore, as parents, should we also calm down and reflect on ourselves and make ourselves better and more qualified?
Love and fear in education
"Raising children is a long journey. Every parent will experience these two emotions during the trip. Every move is sometimes out of love and more out of fear. " In our family, I am my sister and I have a younger sister. The so-called "big brother is father" parents left my sister's life and study to me for management and education because of work reasons. I love this sister very much, and I am also full of fear. In terms of study, she is about to enter middle school. She is not active or attentive to her studies. When she comes home, she always puts off her homework. I am helpless to see this situation. Although I have stepped into my job, I understand the pressure of my student days. She wants to escape from this reality. I want to understand her and help her finish it. However, I am full of fear about the consequences of my unreasonable ideas. My sister is only in primary school now. She has so much homework in junior high school and senior high school. Should I help her? Should I help her when she enters the society and looks for a job? I thought rationally over and over again. I can be an "emotional" sister, and I should never be an "emotional" sister. As an experienced person, I should tell her to do my own thing.
A patient life is often happier.
I just entered kindergarten, and I don't have much experience. I have a lot of pressure to study every day, and I don't want to talk when I drag my tired body home. However, every day, my sister and I are just the opposite. When I go home for dinner, I always nag in my ear and tell me what happened at school. Just as I was anxious to lock myself in my room and immerse myself in my little world, one day my sister suddenly said to me, "Sister! Why are you always in a hurry? " After that, my sister went into her room. I haven't been nagging in her ear for a few days. She works much faster and more consciously, but she is not happy. I lost my ability to listen, and she became silent. I always thought she was too young to understand my mind. It was not until that day that I woke up from a dream. My sister is right. I always urge her to do her homework and get up. I hate her wordiness and have no patience to slow down and wait for her. I kept saying that I loved her, but I didn't know that I hurt her invisibly. I brought the worst emotions to the people I love the most. In fact, everyone's young mind needs the careful care of us adults in the process of growing up. You can't be too careful what you say and do in front of your children.
Encouragement goes far beyond belittling.
Goethe said: "It is right to correct mistakes, but she should be encouraged to make progress." My sister went to junior high school and faced the first monthly exam. She did badly in the exam and was depressed when she came home. I went up to comfort her and asked her what was wrong. She told me the situation. I only said "I believe you" to my sister, and I encouraged her. Maybe an ordinary sentence became her motivation. On the second monthly exam, she made remarkable progress. Of course, this is inseparable from our joint efforts on weekdays, and during this period, we also pulled in the trust and affection between sisters. The so-called encouragement is not a simple sentence. Larry Crabbe and Dan Ahlander wrote a book called "The Essence of Encouragement", in which they said, "Encouraging others is not a skill that needs to be mastered, but an exposed accomplishment that only those who are sensitive and love others have."
Since God arranged for us to meet, it was a hard-won fate. One of the main tasks of parents is to expose their cowardice, show their children the essence of growth with their words and deeds-a complete, flesh-and-blood life, and always remind themselves to be better themselves. If parents are excellent, role models will naturally make your children excellent.