In the history of human development, life is uncertain, and there are always many unpredictable things happening. People who are too strict with order often can't accept these facts, and their families may even be afraid, always hoping that everything for their children is under their control. Especially in terms of sex, the same is true. It is almost impossible for parents to control the changes in their lives; Fortunately, we can also control anxiety, as Ms. Hu Ping, an expert on children's sexual psychological development and sex education in China, said, "Children can learn to grow up by themselves for their parents who are anxious and afraid of sex appeal. Sweden, Germany, Japan, Finland ... Many countries have movies and books about children's sexual behavior that parents can read. When parents learn to grow up and don't turn sex into a problem or taboo, naturally they won't regard sex as a taboo, but they can look at sex like this. "
(1) Sex education is an unavoidable problem for parents and children.
There is a junior high school student's mother who works in a key middle school in the city. She is a senior intellectual and communicates with Professor Chen Ping whether the child has obsessive-compulsive disorder. Mother asked Professor Chen Ping, "My child can masturbate. What should I do? " Chen Ping Education replied: "Then how did you educate?" Mother replied, "Masturbation is dirty, so you shouldn't do it!" " Later, when the child heard me say this, he felt guilty. Every time he masturbates secretly, he feels dirty. He washed his hands desperately until his hands were chapped and bleeding, and he often washed his hands unconsciously. "Chen Ping immediately realized that children are anxious about masturbation, and washing their hands is a kind of forced resistance to anxiety, and children really need correct guidance.
However, not only children need correct guidance, but also mothers need guidance. First of all, let the mother's mind need to be liberated. Masturbation is the instinct of life, and occasionally masturbation is a healthy behavior. In addition to instinct, if children are too frequent, it may come from the pressure of life and students. Professor Chen suggested that mothers should communicate with their children more and take them to participate in group activities to distract their children. Masturbation can only temporarily help children get rid of anxiety.
Stress is the root of children's behavior, and this mother only embodies the phenomenon of masturbation and puts her negative influence on her children; The child's original pressure has not been released, and new pressures have followed, making things worse and leading to obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Children's pressure may not be eliminated in a short time, but parents' pressure on the negative impact of masturbation on children can be alleviated. As mentioned above, masturbation is the instinct of life, and occasionally masturbation is a healthy behavior. In fact, these pressures should not be imposed on children by parents. So, why is this parent so guided?
(2) Parents themselves lack a certain understanding of sexual growth.
The growth of our generation is itself a kind of deficiency. We have not received a scientific and systematic sex education, and we don't know how to educate our children correctly, so we are very anxious. There are certain reasons for this anxiety. For example, sexual behavior can lead to sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, but our parents only know these possible results, but they don't know how to teach and communicate with their children. Therefore, they directly issue bans and standards for all kinds of behaviors aimed at problems, and these bans and standards will have a negative impact on children and are extremely unfavorable to their growth.
We used to worry about getting pregnant, so the textbook taught "chastity". If a classmate is found to have sexual behavior, whether voluntary or involuntary, is this education impure and dirty? So, if it is involuntary, how do they view themselves?
There is some uncertainty in life, and no one can guarantee the occurrence of accidents. In case such an accident happens to your child, what does the child think of the concept of "chastity" that parents usually teach? Is it just to force them to commit suicide? !
Marriage Law of the People's Republic of China 1954 It is a good thing to abolish polygamy. At the very least, single sexual partners can reduce the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. However, only monogamy is used to regulate children. What should I do if my child encounters an irresponsible partner and suffers from domestic violence and abuse?
It is normal for parents to feel anxious about things they don't understand, but it is also normal to guide and protect their children through prohibition, slander and standards. But parents think that prohibition, filth and standards are nothing like anxiety, and anxiety may be passed on to the next generation or generations. Your prohibition, filth and standards are your protection for children, but they are likely to become their troubles. Faced with these troubles, parents should first grow up, strengthen their study and raise their awareness, instead of just saying, "I don't understand education."
(3) A correct understanding of sex is always the best way to solve anxiety.
With the rapid development of science and technology and information circulation in China, parents can learn in various ways. If you are afraid of your child getting pregnant, you can teach your child how to use contraception, and even tell your child where to get birth control pills. If you are afraid that your child will get sick because of sexual intercourse, you can give your child physical and disease education and provide reliable counseling services.
Sex education in Sweden is world-famous. Their school can talk about almost all the topics you want to know about sex: contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, drugs, abortion ... The teenage pregnancy rate in Sweden is almost zero. Not only that, Sweden has also set up institutions similar to "youth centers". One of its businesses is to provide adolescent counseling services on health and sex issues, and students can even get contraceptives at the center.
The success of Swedish education, and even the ways to deal with unwanted pregnancies, diseases, etc ... This information can be easily found even by an adult who has never received sex education. In that case, why does anxiety still exist? In fact, it depends on whether parents are willing to study.
(d) A distinction should be made between sexual liberation and sexual confusion.
For most parents, they see a lot of things like sex, one-night stands, underage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases ... and social chaos. They are worried that they will get out of control and start to lose order, so they should control it.
Do parents strengthen their sexual awareness and liberate their children's sexuality? When you think of sexual liberation, you will think of many P's, one-night stands, underage pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases ... in fact, this is a distortion of sexual understanding.
Sexual prohibition, filth, and standards are like covering a piece of white cloth. Sexual liberation is to take away the white cloth and have a good look before thinking. This metaphor may be too abstract. Simply put, sex is instinct, but your child may not know how to deal with this instinct. But as a parent, you can tell your child that the body is your tool and a map for exploration; Teach children how to explore the body safely, use this tool to respond to instinct and coexist with their own desires.
Since it is instinct, you insist on prohibition, standards, indifference and even covering it with white cloth. Of course, it is anxiety. It is easier to cause new and other problems; It is better to uncover the white cloth and teach the child what it looks like. Then the next communication, communicate with yourself and see your reaction to instinct; In this way, we can learn how to communicate each other's desires with another person in the future and enjoy a good sex life.
Prohibit and regulate underage children in front of sex, regulate children's behavior with "chastity", and never tell children what to do. On the contrary, how can a series of prohibitions, standards and norms achieve a bright future for children? On the contrary, children will be frightened by their parents' prohibitions, norms and standards. Parents can only face up to sexual problems and point out that they are not trapped by desire or forced by others. They can coexist with desire, learn to communicate with others, get along with others, and coordinate their sexual concepts and sexual life with others. How can it be promiscuous?
(v) Concluding remarks
Parents will still find it difficult to talk about their children's communication problems, but will you choose education, companionship, or prohibition, intimidation, standards, suppression and other means? The former is a perfect life for children, while the latter can only convey anxiety and anxiety to children.