Cultivate the quality of self-confidence through self-knowledge

Self-confidence means having confidence in yourself and believing in your own strength and potential. Self-confidence requires a scientific and correct understanding of yourself. The so-called correct understanding of oneself refers to the real understanding of oneself, the comprehensive understanding of oneself and the understanding of one's own development. To know yourself scientifically and correctly, first, rely on your own practical activities and gain experience through personal practice; Second, rely on the accurate evaluation of others and know yourself with the correct help of others.

Therefore, self-confidence refers to confidence in yourself on the basis of scientific and correct understanding of yourself. Self-confidence is not that people subjectively think that they have no shortcomings, but that they can overcome shortcomings and have the ability to overcome them; Self-confidence is not a dogmatic belief that people should have no shortcomings, but a belief that even if they have some shortcomings, it will not affect their overall Excellence and pride. Self-confidence is not blindly thinking that you are ahead of others, but that you will not completely belittle yourself, deny yourself and lose the courage to move forward because you have some defects. Confident people believe that they have potential. Confident people think that everyone can have their own characteristics different from others and find their own suitable position. Therefore, self-confidence is a belief in oneself based on a correct understanding of the whole world science.

Cultivate the quality of self-improvement through self-demand

Self-improvement means being enterprising, being good at making demands on yourself and inspiring yourself, and having a spirit of striving for strength and endless struggle. Self-improvement is a voluntary request from the heart, not imposed from the outside by teachers and parents; Self-improvement is a purposeful and planned request for yourself on the basis of a correct understanding of yourself, not an impulsive emotion, not a blind comparison out of jealousy. There are different levels of self-improvement. On the one hand, it is restricted by age conditions, on the other hand, it is influenced by the level of understanding, especially values. Therefore, from motivation to content, self-improvement can be divided into several levels, such as meeting the needs of survival, physical desire, emotion, vanity, realizing lofty ideals and so on.

Cultivate the quality of self-reliance through self-practice

Self-reliance means being brave in practice, being brave in responsibility, overcoming difficulties stubbornly and realizing your own requirements in a down-to-earth manner. Self-reliance embodies pragmatic style and ability to do things, not "giant of language, dwarf of action"; Self-reliance requires conscious and practical work and the ability to solve various practical problems as the foundation. Self-reliance refers to the ability to work independently and a responsible attitude, rather than the mentality of relying on others everywhere, having no original opinions and liking to follow the crowd. Self-reliance is an extremely important quality in life. Only through self-practice can we produce the quality of self-improvement. Self-practice is the most important of the four links. Without practice, self-awareness and self-demand will become an armchair strategist. Teachers and parents should try their best to help students complete this extremely important step from thinking to doing. This step seems simple, but it is a substantive step related to the greatness or smallness of motivation and a key step related to the success or failure of things.

Cultivate the quality of self-esteem through self-evaluation

Self-esteem is self-respect. What should you respect yourself? Self-esteem should have a standard, and the core issue of self-esteem is the evaluation standard. Therefore, the Soviet psychologist Cohen said, "Self-esteem is an individual's value judgment", and self-esteem is the standard to defend one's value pursuit. Self-esteem should be a pursuit of self-value that embodies social value, a pursuit that points to far-reaching goals in life, rather than a superficial pursuit of vanity and face, let alone self-esteem for narrow purposes. The famous James formula is: self-esteem = achievement/pursuit. This formula applies to everyone, but for everyone, the real specific content may be completely different, because everyone may have different standards for achievement and pursuit. Therefore, in real life, everyone's self-esteem performance is very different. For example, some people regard contributing to human development as their pursuit; Others regard enjoying life as their only pursuit; Some people even regard "face" as an important pursuit. So their self-esteem performance must be different. Although the performance is different, for everyone, because it is the most fundamental pursuit of people, it is exactly the same in importance. It is necessary to guide children to build self-esteem with correct standards, evaluate their behavior with correct standards, form their own powerful spiritual motivation with correct value pursuit, and prepare to contribute to mankind with their creative labor, so as to improve their value in this way. Let children neither bow and scrape to others, nor allow others to discriminate and insult themselves, and have a sense of integrity beyond material interests in their hearts.

Formation process

Self-education is a dynamic structure composed of four links. Most people put forward their own demands on the basis of self-knowledge; Guided by the goal of self-requirement, through self-monitoring, self-control and self-adjustment, we will constantly strive to achieve certain expected results; Then evaluate yourself with the values you recognize, and form a new understanding of yourself through this evaluation. On this new basis, a new round of self-education has begun.

self-consciousness

It is not easy to know yourself correctly. It is very important for a person to know himself correctly. Because how people know themselves, they will demand themselves and live according to their roles. However, it is not easy for people to know themselves correctly. For example, people's understanding of their looks is a complicated process. Because, from birth to death, people can't see their faces directly, only vaguely see their noses. People know their looks indirectly from water, mirrors, photos and videos. However, whether the image in the photo is really the same as your own appearance still needs the confirmation of others and your own inference. After a long period of practice and analysis, we can gradually form a more correct and stable understanding. When children over one year old look in the mirror for the first time, they often don't know that the image in the mirror is themselves. Some felt funny and reached out to touch it, some thought it was another child smiling at him, and some even felt scared because they didn't know what it was. When someone told him that "the child in the mirror is you", he still didn't believe it. He slowly observed that the mother in the mirror was the same as the real mother, and then he gradually confirmed that the image in the mirror was himself through inference. It is more difficult for primary school students to know their own advantages and disadvantages. At first, they just changed their knowledge into that of adults. My mother says I eat fast. My teacher says I write well. Turning other people's knowledge into their own knowledge also requires a long process of repeated integration. On the one hand, primary school students gradually increase their understanding of themselves through their own personal practice. For example, if he often runs ahead of others in the race, he will realize that he has an advantage in running; When lifting heavy objects, he won't know his strength until he can move what others can't ... On the other hand, primary school students will get comments from others in all aspects (for example, after grade one, they will add teachers' comments on the basis of parents' comments). These evaluations are sometimes the same, similar, sometimes different, or even completely opposite. These evaluations from personal practice and others, especially contradictory evaluations, will stimulate the child to think and urge him to constantly compare, analyze, reason and judge. This is a tortuous and complicated process. Through this process, he will get a more objective self-knowledge, but he still can't guarantee that everything is correct. Generally speaking, whether self-knowledge is correct depends on one's psychological quality and surrounding environmental conditions. Nowadays, some students mistakenly think that they are stupid, and some blindly believe the results of teachers or parents' wrong evaluation of him. It's not easy to know yourself. Everything that content constitutes itself is self-aware content. The most basic material understanding: have a physical understanding of your body, such as height, weight, hair length, black and white skin; Physiological understanding: such as good or bad appetite, how much sweating, fast or slow heartbeat, fat or thin body, strong or not; Understand the physical activity: such as strength, running speed, jumping speed, throwing distance ... Understanding the psychological level: such as emotional stability and variability, long and short memory, introversion or extroversion, ability level, temperament type and so on. Until the understanding of social and cultural aspects: such as loving the collective, caring for others' moral quality, ideals, outlook on life, values, knowledge accumulation, hobbies, habits and so on. These constitute people's self-knowledge, which is consistent with the self-concept of western psychological theory. According to the research, at the age of 4 or 5, 10, adolescence is the fastest period for self-concept. How to guide students to know themselves correctly in this period should be more careful, especially should attract the attention of educators. Although the content of limiting self-knowledge is very extensive, it is always limited by two aspects, which level everyone can achieve. On the one hand, as an object, to what extent am I exposed and displayed. If you fail all kinds of tests, it is not easy to find out how your memory ability is; It is difficult for people who have little contact with others to judge their own personality types; On the other hand, it is the maturity of my own central nervous system as the main body. For example, children can't understand their own thinking types and temperament characteristics, and it is impossible for primary school students to understand their pursuit of life with such abstract characteristics. They don't put forward such tasks themselves, and even if others do, they can't know themselves at this level. Correct premise and self-knowledge are the premise of correct self-education. Because what kind of self-knowledge you have will push you to act; What kind of self-knowledge will put forward matching requirements for yourself; People's motivation comes from the contradiction between the real self and the ideal self. The true self is what you know about yourself. If you don't know yourself correctly, feel inferior or proud, you can't provide real objective basis for your own development. Only with correct self-knowledge can we put forward our own requirements correctly and make self-education on a healthy road. There was a first-grade pupil who was faced with a pile of pieces of paper that could form the image of a horse when taking an intelligence test. She didn't try, just pushed with her hand and said, "I won't", because she was in an environment where teachers and parents often belittled her and became very inferior. Because of inferiority, I estimate myself too low, so I give up an opportunity to exercise myself and know myself. At the same time, another pupil of the same age, faced with this test, immediately said, "I can do it." Then she assembled it nervously. In fact, she didn't finish assembling it within the stipulated time, but she still didn't want to leave and pretended to say "I can do it". Although the latter student worked overtime to complete the task, she not only got valuable exercise opportunities, but more importantly, she once again enhanced her self-confidence.

Self-demand

Self-demand is an important part of self-education. However, according to the author's investigation on the self-education ability of primary and secondary school students in Beijing in 1996, the weakest link among the four links is self-demand, which means that primary and secondary school students are best at what they say and do (self-evaluation), but poor in action (self-practice). It is particularly noteworthy that. If there is no self-demand, these four links of self-education can only be interrupted. There is no possibility of a spiral. Therefore, to promote self-education at present, the first thing to pay attention to is self-demand. Engels, who formed the motive, said: "Personally, all the motives of his actions must be transformed into the motives of his desires through his mind, so that he can act." To carry out self-education activities, self-demand and self-education is the most critical link. A student who thinks he is perfect and a student who thinks he is hopeless will not really educate himself, because although they have completely different views on themselves, their inner essence is the same, that is, they both come from wrong self-knowledge, so two seemingly opposite views lead to the same result, that is, they have no desire and motivation for self-education. It is pointed out that the target human is different from animals, and there will be a high-level representation in the mind before action, which means the establishment of the goal, blueprint and vision of self-education here. To establish an ideal and realistic goal, blueprint and vision, we need to fully grasp our current situation, our abilities and our needs. For example, a middle school student feels left out in class and is in a bad mood. At this time, he must first have a correct understanding of what his "needs" are. What he really needs is "respect from others", which is a need for self-esteem; Secondly, he also needs a realistic analysis of the status quo of being left out, because of his own paranoia, or the arrogance of others, or his own shortcomings; Then I have a correct estimate of my ability to solve this problem. On this basis, we can set ourselves a suitable goal: to make trouble in class and attract others' attention; Or buy people's hearts with money; Or win everyone's trust with your good behavior; Even, maybe some students just need to ease their paranoia and change their situation to meet their self-esteem needs. Arrangement plan is a high-level representation of the practice process of self-education, which includes action plan, steps, process management, methods and measures. This is a prerequisite for the practical process of achieving the goal. For primary and secondary school students, these may be difficult, but they are necessary. Without this solid arrangement, self-education may fail. Because self-education is a practical activity, we need to grasp it ourselves. Primary and secondary school students themselves are not good at overall planning and careful preparation, and the objective situation they face is often an ever-changing process. How to solve this contradiction? Practical experience has proved that if there are both long-term plans and short-term arrangements, long-term goals can fundamentally guide students, and short-term specific goals can ensure the gradual realization of plans, which may make students' self-education achieve phased results and enhance their confidence in progress.

Self-practice

Self-practice is the most critical part of the four links of self-education. Without this link, self-education can only be a castle in the air. Although the intellectuals in China advocated self-cultivation, many people were divorced from reality and the masses, so they often turned self-cultivation into a kind of "thinking behind closed doors" far from real life, and further developed the bad habit of "not saying everything" and "sitting and talking" when facing the objective world, which indirectly affected children. Special attention should be paid to this at present. Unless we take the step of practice, self-education will always be empty talk. Self-supervision, the powerful motive force of self-education, the beautiful goal of self-education and the careful plan of self-education should all be tested and developed in practice. "Practice makes true knowledge" and "Practice is the standard for testing all truth" are also applicable in the process of self-education, but they are more complicated. Because this process is not only influenced by the outside world (such as the sound of vivid programs from the TV next door, students who have finished their homework come over and invite them to play football together, and so on). But there are also internal disturbances (such as their lazy habits, always worrying about problems that they can't solve, and so on). ), which will interfere with the implementation of the plan. Therefore, it is necessary to constantly monitor the process of their own practice, judge what happened, see which ones are different from the original design, analyze the reasons, and how to solve them ... It is even more difficult for children to supervise themselves. Their attention and thinking are mostly outward. They often just see others breaking the rules, but they can't find that they are also breaking the rules. In order to help them, some teachers or parents should not only remind them by necessary hints, but sometimes teach them to form their own images in their minds, so as to supervise themselves (for example, suggest them to imagine themselves flying into the sky and look down at how they do their homework). Self-control finds problems through self-monitoring. Some problems belong to the outside world without any interference, but subjectively there is no effort and the requirements are relaxed. For this bad habit, they can only solve it by their own willpower. Of course, perseverance can only come from the right purpose, so self-control is closely related to students' ideals and pursuits. On the other hand, external interference has caused their own psychological conflicts, and they can't stick to what they want to do (such as the temptation of the TV sound next door). This requires them to be good at reawakening their beautiful goals and strengthening their requirements again. For example, some students put aphorisms on their desks that can inspire them. These practices, as long as students volunteer, are often more effective. More importantly, students are tempered in the process of self-monitoring again and again, and initially get a successful experience, thus improving their self-confidence and sublimating their desire for self-improvement. The process of self-regulation and self-education is the same as anything else, and the actual situation is often different from what is expected, which requires being good at self-regulation in time. On the issue of adjustment, students often have two extreme performances: one is stubbornly ignoring adjustment completely, mistakenly thinking that this is the best performance of their determination. There used to be poor people who didn't stop until they invented the perpetual motion machine. In contemporary times, there are also thousands of lost people who are sent to paper mills in sacks and die unsatisfied. They never thought whether they had the subjective and objective conditions to be writers, but they still gritted their teeth and wrote one by one. And the other kind of people, the adjustment is too hasty and frequent. In the process of self-cultivation, he has a little obstacle objectively and a little difficulty subjectively, so he started his business again with drums and excused his fatal weakness of weak willpower under the pretext of self-adjustment. Generally speaking, it is best to emphasize "hold on for a while", because things are often the most difficult period before qualitative change, "the moment before dawn is the darkest", and many victories come from "hold on for a while". For cultivating psychological quality, it is better to fight hard than to retreat without a fight. Even if we can't all succeed, we can gain some experiences and lessons. Of course, when the situation is very obvious, we must be brave enough to adjust ourselves in time. From another point of view, it is also a kind of will exercise to retreat from the torrent and turn back.

self-assessment

If the process of self-education is compared to a spiraling chain, then self-evaluation is a link with special significance. This link will determine which track the self-study process will enter when it enters the next cycle. Qiao Anshan, a comrade-in-arms of Lei Feng, is eager to help others. After sending an old man who was knocked down by others to the hospital, he was framed by the old man and his family and imposed the hat of the perpetrator on Qiao Anshan. At this time, Qiao Anshan is bound to have a self-evaluation of his behavior. If he thinks that "saving lives is a false accusation" and "good intentions are not rewarded", it seems that he did a stupid thing because he didn't understand the current social reality. With this evaluation, he will definitely make up his mind not to do such stupid things in the future; Qiao Anshan, on the other hand, firmly evaluated this matter with noble communist thoughts, preferring to be wronged by himself and insisting on doing so in the future. He thinks this is the need of social progress. It can be seen that self-evaluation will definitely affect the direction of self-education.