Educating children should vary from person to person.
This is a universal truth. But it is easier said than done, which requires parents to have a correct understanding of their children first. Every child has his own personality characteristics, and the formation of personality depends on many factors, both innate and acquired.
As early as 2500 years ago, Hippocrates, known as the "father of western medicine", divided the innate temperament of human beings into four types: sanguine, mucinous, depressive and choleric.
To sum up: sanguine is characterized by liveliness and agility; Stable and firm mucus; Depression is slow and gentle; Bile is impulsive and extroverted. Parents are advised to teach students in accordance with their aptitude on the basis of understanding their children's innate temperament.
For example, if a child is depressed and introverted, parents need to take more encouraging and gentle measures to guide him. If the "tiger mother" comes on the scene violently, the children will only get worse and worse. On the other hand, if a child is timid, he is easily emotional. When asking him to be "steady" and "slow", be prepared psychologically, because it requires more patience.
Respect the laws of children's psychological and physical development.
Just like the physiological laws such as "three turns, six sitting, seven rolling and eight crawling", psychological development is also regular.
The strict management advocated by Professor Qian must be implemented according to this growth law, and the management that violates the law will become "shadow education".
Piaget, a famous psychologist, divides children's cognitive development into four stages, and each stage can only develop in sequence. For example, children before the age of 7 have not yet established the ability of abstract thinking and think by appearances.
In other words, if you ask: There are five apples in each of the three piles, how many are there? The child will figure out that it is 15. However, the multiplication formula of "35 15" is a pure number, which is abstract, and it is normal for children to forget.
Some time ago, a video was popular on the Internet, in which a little girl cried and recited "recite 15 is too difficult ... 35 ...35 ..." and almost collapsed, while her mother was instructing "recite 15 ..." again in a dignified and calm voice. Through the screen, she can feel her mother's mood of "seeking a woman to become a phoenix", but her mother does not follow the characteristics of children's psychological development and blindly violates the law, and the result of education can only be one.
Convert external driving force into internal driving force
Driving force is also called power. Freud believed that any action we take is under the action of driving force. The stronger the driving force, the greater the acting force.
Internal drive is motivation, which is what you want to do from the heart; The external driving force is the force or temptation of external force.
Tell a story to illustrate this point: an old man living alone lives in his bungalow. There is a large green area in front of the bungalow. Every day when the old people take a lunch break, there are always a group of children playing football on the green space. Deeply disturbed by it, the old man thought of a way:
In the first week, he took out 10 yuan to these children every day and said, Grandpa, I am lonely, and I like you to make a scene outside the window. The children accepted and played football more vigorously. A week later, the old man said that he could only spend 5 yuan at a time, and the children reluctantly agreed to continue playing football. Another week passed, and the old man really had no money for the children. Now the child quit: no money? Who will play football for you without money?
In this example, the old man successfully changed the internal driving force of children's playing football (playing football for love) into the external driving force (playing football for money). The same is true of children's study. Those familiar promises, such as "I'll buy you something as long as you do well in the exam" and "How to do it as long as you do well in the exam", are all external drivers. The essence of happy education is to change the external driving force into the internal driving force and make children fall in love with learning. Such strict education will promote children's growth and will not leave a shadow.
In addition, children's ability to imitate is extremely strong, which is also their innate ability, and the first "role model" for children to imitate is their parents.
So, if parents often complain that "he doesn't listen to anything I say", how about reflecting on your example? Because children are more willing to watch you do it than listen, so is the so-called "teaching by example is better than teaching by example".
When we are worried that our children can't write their homework well, we don't urge them to write quickly. What time is it? Why don't you know to hurry? " Why don't you take a book and tell your child: Next is my reading time. I'm going to wait for a detailed plan for half an hour, and then sit by and read quietly.
In this process, children will be very clear about their homework time and learn to make their own plans, and this ability to know what they should do next and quickly make plans and put them into practice will be a lifelong asset.
In the first week, he took out 10 yuan to these children every day and said, Grandpa, I am lonely, and I like you to make a scene outside the window. The children accepted and played football more vigorously. A week later, the old man said that he could only spend 5 yuan at a time, and the children reluctantly agreed to continue playing football. Another week passed, and the old man really had no money for the children. Now the child quit: no money? Who will play football for you without money?
In this example, the old man successfully changed the internal driving force of children's playing football (playing football for love) into the external driving force (playing football for money). The same is true of children's study. Those familiar promises, such as "I'll buy you something as long as you do well in the exam" and "How to do it as long as you do well in the exam", are all external drivers. The essence of happy education is to change the external driving force into the internal driving force and make children fall in love with learning. Such strict education will promote children's growth and will not leave a shadow.
In addition, children's ability to imitate is extremely strong, which is also their innate ability, and the first "role model" for children to imitate is their parents.
So, if parents often complain that "he doesn't listen to anything I say", how about reflecting on your example? Because children are more willing to watch you do it than listen, so is the so-called "teaching by example is better than teaching by example".
When we are worried that our children can't write their homework well, we don't urge them to write quickly. What time is it? Why don't you know to hurry? " Why don't you take a book and tell your child: Next is my reading time. I'm going to wait for a detailed plan for half an hour, and then sit by and read quietly.
In this process, children will be very clear about their homework time and learn to make their own plans, and this ability to know what they should do next and quickly make plans and put them into practice will be a lifelong asset.