Especially for children's behavior and appearance, many parents hold different attitudes and ideas, whether to scold them in public regardless of the occasion, or to estimate their self-esteem and educate and criticize them behind closed doors.
Dragon Boat Festival coincides with the weekend. Mr. Li took his wife and children back to his grandmother's house for the Spring Festival. As soon as he entered the house, Mr. Li's sister's family had already arrived home. We agreed to have a reunion dinner at noon.
After eating and drinking enough, it is inevitable to say some household words. Looking at the children playing together, Mr. Li's sister started a cliche again: "Oh, brother and sister-in-law, our nephew is five years old." Why hasn't he opened it yet? " Look at these eyes. Why didn't they inherit any of your advantages? "Mr. Li responded:" Small eyes are afraid of embarrassment, focus! "
The children who were still playing at first became depressed as soon as they heard the conversation between their father and aunt. They sat back to their mother and cried and insisted on going home. Grandparents also blame their aunts. They can't always talk nonsense in front of their children, who are already sensible. Talking like this will hurt their self-esteem.
Why do some parents like to comment on their children's shortcomings in public
I think my child is too young to understand.
Some parents are so careless that they always pay no attention to their words when speaking in front of their children. Especially when talking about children, they think they don't know anything about childhood novels, and they will unscrupulously comment on their shortcomings in public.
Some parents don't listen to others' praise for their children, fearing that their children will be complacent when they hear the praise, and they will respond to others' praise quickly by exposing their shortcomings, showing their humble attitude towards parenting. Some parents with bad temper even criticize and abuse their children in public, which is a terrible educational concept. Such behavior will make the child's character emotional and irrational.
When parents are angry, they are grumpy and outspoken.
Educating children, the most taboo is that parents bring home bad emotions at work, which affects children's emotions. Some parents encounter unsatisfactory things at work. When they are naughty, they lack patience and stability. They often neglect to control their temper, lack self-cultivation, and always vent their inner irritability on their children.
When you are angry, you yell at your child and speak openly, regardless of your child's inner feelings. Such behavior will bring serious psychological harm to children, leading to children's personality becoming weak and worried, or tending to the serious consequences of violence.
Parents like to educate their children in public, no matter what the occasion.
When some parents are dissatisfied with their children, they like to criticize them in public, such as poor academic performance, long melon dates and so on. These words can easily make children rebellious, leading children to think that their parents don't like themselves, so they take a broken attitude and go to extremes, even if they make mistakes.
In children's minds, parents are not good to themselves and have no hope, so they simply give up studying, or think they are ugly and start pursuing fancy clothes, hoping to cover up their other shortcomings. The more parents say that they are not good, they deliberately do it in a bad direction, in this way to retaliate against their parents' criticism.
How can I be a parent who respects children?
Protect children's self-esteem
Don't think that children are young, but in fact they need respect and understanding from others. At this time, parents should pay attention to protecting their children's self-esteem from harm. If they find their own shortcomings, it is best to choose a private and quiet occasion when criticizing their children, and communicate with them alone, instead of immediately criticizing and accusing them in front of everyone and making them make a fool of themselves in public.
Parents should encourage their children to maintain their self-esteem if they look ordinary or are laughed at by others. Appearance is inherited from one's own genes, which is not the fault of children. Children can be encouraged to study hard in other aspects and make up for the lack of appearance with their own specialties.
When children's self-esteem is protected by their parents, children will become more confident and face their shortcomings bravely. Parental care is the cornerstone of children's healthy growth. Don't destroy children's self-esteem because of their own ignorance.
Let children always feel the love of their parents.
The child is his own. Since he was born, you should love him well. Even if the child looks ordinary and not smart enough, it is not a reason not to love the child. Because love is a kind of "catalyst", when children feel the love and trust of their parents, I believe there will be a miracle one day, and you will see the excellent side of children.
Therefore, parents should express their love without reservation in parenting education, so that children can clearly feel that their parents love him, have confidence in him and trust him!
Through such psychological perception, children have a great sense of security, have enough confidence in what they do and their own abilities, and find their own advantages from self-confidence, regardless of their external shortcomings. At the same time, doing so can avoid the harm caused by negative emotions to children, and even if they are criticized and ridiculed, they will not easily doubt their abilities.
When others praise their children, respond politely.
The famous saying "Modesty makes people progress" runs through the traditional educational concept of China people all the time, that is, one should be modest. Some parents, especially when others praise their children, always say very modest things to deal with each other. In fact, they are very satisfied and happy inside, but they don't recognize the advantages of their children, but use their shortcomings to be polite.
Then, how should parents respond when others praise their children, especially when they are present? We can thank each other politely, or pay back each other's children. On this occasion, parents should not respond by denying others' praise to their children in front of them, otherwise it will seriously hit their self-confidence. Regardless of the child's face, let the child's self-esteem be hurt.
In short, parents who expose their shortcomings in public are unwise parents, because doing so will not only hurt their children's self-esteem, but also alienate the parent-child relationship and fail to achieve effective educational purposes. Therefore, parents should pay special attention to their educational attitude in parenting education, and communicate with their children rationally and objectively in the face of their shortcomings;
Never criticize children with bad temper and fierce words in public. What parents should do is to protect their children's self-esteem, help them build a confident outlook on life and create their own wonderful future life.