Although Miss Li and her husband are both middle school teachers, her husband almost ignores the children, which is quite "Buddhist". When she quarreled with her children, her husbands kept away as if their sons were not her. Miss Li's son is studying in a 985 college, but she thinks family education is a failure. His son is smart and savvy, but he also has many bad habits, such as sleeping late and not reading. She said she couldn't control the children under her nose. She said the children were in the top three.
Although Miss Li and her husband are both middle school teachers, her husband almost ignores the children, which is quite "Buddhist". When she quarreled with her children, her husband stayed away as if his son were not his son.
After going to college, Mr. Li has been unable to control his children, and his son's problems have become more and more serious. His academic performance dropped rapidly. He failed in his freshman year, and now he is a sophomore, so he may fail.
Now that his son has become like this, Mr. Li feels responsible, and her husband is even more responsible. She is worried that her son will graduate normally if he continues to play like this.
1)
Being admitted to 985 University shows that you are smart, but why do parents who are teachers think that education is a failure? We don't know the specific situation, but at least two problems can be seen from Teacher Li's description.
The first question: Father's absence.
I remember a very popular TV series about the influence of father's absence on children's growth. In this play, the mother is in an absolutely strong position in the family. When family conflicts occur, the father basically chooses to avoid or escape, which leads to three children in their family, the eldest, the second and the third, all of whom have different degrees of personality defects.
The phenomenon of "father's absence" exists partly because of the influence of traditional family education concepts and partly because the mother herself is too strong. What exactly is the situation at Mr. Li's house? We don't know. Maybe both factors exist.
We know that what parents say and do is very important. Father and mother share different roles and responsibilities and play different roles in this process. Father's absence will lead to a decline in prestige. For example, a mother said that a child is worth three sentences, mainly because the father's authority is gone, and no one in the family has the ability to restrain the child's outrageous behavior.
In fact, "absence of father" is a common phenomenon in today's society. The White Paper on Parent-child Companionship in China shows that more than half of the families give their children to their mothers, and only 12.6% give their children to their fathers.
The second problem: lack of communication skills
When the mother talks, the children don't listen, and the other half doesn't cooperate with her in education. It is very likely that this mother lacks communication skills.
If you want to have a harmonious family relationship, you must know how to communicate, not only with children, but also with the other half.
Adults and underage children have their own ideas, not only in their studies, but also in their daily lives. As parents, we should respect our children, pay attention to their reactions and attitudes in the process of communication, take care of their feelings, and don't always follow their own ideas.
If you always treat the "older children" who go to college as "children" with this condescending attitude, communicate with your children in a lesson-like tone, and don't respect their own individual needs, then a lot of words said by parents will definitely be very contradictory to your children. In addition, when communicating with your wife or husband, you should also pay attention to skills. Listen to each other's opinions and let him (her) take the initiative to participate and be willing to participate.
2)
Since there is a problem, we must solve it.
First of all, we must solve the problem of father's absence. Mom should not complain because dad is away, but try to create opportunities for dad and children to get along. In the process of getting along with them, don't get involved in their "private communication" too much, and give my father some space to play freely, even if his educational philosophy and communication methods are different from his own, don't interfere.
At the same time, mothers should also explore the bright spots of their fathers, "accumulate" some interesting things in the process of father-son communication, and often show them to their fathers or listen to them, so as to enhance their parenting awareness and sense of responsibility in family education and make them feel that they play an important role in their children's education and emotional connection.
What needs to be emphasized is that the mother should not be too strong, but should exercise a little restraint and try to establish the authority of the father in front of the children.
Secondly, we must solve the communication problem. The premise of communication is mutual respect. Whether communicating with children or partners, we should respect each other, accept and understand each other's behavior, and appreciate each other's bright spots.
We should also learn to listen. When children talk to us, we should listen carefully and patiently and respond positively, not perfunctory. If there are some conflicts in communication, try to control your emotions, let go of your desire to control, and don't abuse and punish your children casually.
In fact, the best education method is "demonstration". Parents strive to be themselves, pass on the excellent qualities such as diligence, sureness, firmness and optimism to their children, and bring positive influence to their children with their words and deeds, so that their children can truly become excellent.