Last weekend, I invited my friend Xiaoli to have afternoon tea with me. Before everyone was seated, she began to complain that her son was making trouble for himself.
Xiao Li's five-year-old son Huzi is in the middle class in kindergarten. He has a lively personality. These days, the teachers and parents in the class group are "one-on-one" her. Either the strong mother "complained" that nothing scratched her son's wrist, or Yao Yao's mother "complained" that nothing broke her daughter's glass. Even the head teacher called her several times, asking her to do a good job in the children's ideological work when she got home.
Although Xiaoli called the teacher and parents to send WeChat for this matter, she sincerely apologized and went home to make sense. But it didn't last long. After a few days, kindergartens began to appear frequently.
In real life, there are not a few parents who are worried about their "Xiong Haizi" like Xiaoli. On the surface, those children who "make trouble" at school every day are either "troublemakers", "bullies", "grabbing toys", "shaking their fists" or playing pranks.
The book Children's Behavioral Psychology points out that children's behaviors are diverse, and there is a behavioral psychology different from that of adults behind each behavior. Only by grasping the psychology behind children's behavior is the key to solving the problem. Therefore, to solve the problem, we must first understand the definition of children's aggressive behavior and the psychological reasons behind it.
Aggressive behavior has different manifestations at different ages. Childhood is mainly characterized by emotional instability, bad temper, frequent anger and tantrums. Or if you are slightly unhappy, you will have a strong emotional reaction, such as crying, throwing things, grabbing toys, shouting, attacking others with words or limbs, etc.
A large number of children's psychological research shows that children's aggressive behavior and various conflicts between children appeared as early as two years old, and increased rapidly throughout the period of 0-6 years old.
Studies have shown that the proportion of preschool children's aggressive behavior is about 1 1%, and boys are generally more aggressive than girls, and their aggressive intensity is obviously higher than girls. Preschool children aged 4-5 years old are at a high incidence of aggression, but it will gradually decrease thereafter.
In life, some children attack directly by hitting and kicking people, and some children just like to play jokes and play tricks on others. These aggressive behaviors often appear in specific situations. So, what circumstances are easy to induce children's aggressive behavior?
① Imitating aggression: unconsciously imitating violence through TV, movies and online games.
(2) Entertainment attack: directly or indirectly attacking others with body language, insulting words or tools to meet their own happiness needs. Such as pranks, deliberately playing jokes on others.
③ Habitual attack: When continuous attack becomes a habit, you will have the desire to attack when you are depressed or excited, and the attack methods are changeable.
(4) Retaliatory attacks: Some children are bullied by other children and are psychologically unbalanced. They retaliated by "fighting back", which made the attack worse.
⑤ Aggressive behavior: When a child is treated unfairly at school or criticized by a teacher, he becomes angry from embarrassment and can't vent his emotions on the teacher, but only on his peers.
Under the above circumstances, children are prone to aggressive behavior, precisely because these situations either arouse children's curiosity and hope to become strong by imitating others, or induce children's inner desire to attack others. No matter what kind of situation or attack method, there are reasons behind it that we need to analyze.
0 1 Insufficient ability to distinguish right from wrong.
Children's self-awareness is developing, and their cognitive ability to themselves and things is limited. They can't tell right from wrong and don't know what to do and what not to do. Therefore, when they see those seemingly powerful violent scenes from games, movies and cartoons, they will unconsciously imitate them.
The lack of inner feelings leads to external aggression.
If a child lacks the care and companionship of his parents, then his heart must be lacking. When such children are frustrated and depressed, their parents are unable to guide them out of the predicament.
If parents just preach, control or even force their children to do things they don't want to do, children will feel angry and depressed. When they can't find an outlet, they will show aggression, so attacking behaviors such as crying, hitting people or losing their temper will become a way to protect themselves.
03 improper parenting style of parents
Many parents discipline their children in a way that lacks patience and love. They often bring negative emotions from the workplace into family life. When such emotions are transmitted in interpersonal relationships, there will be a "cat kicking effect".
Such parents are often very emotional and will scold or even punish their children for a trivial matter. In the long run, children will "inherit and learn" this violent coping style. In the process of interacting with peers, they will solve problems in their own way, and aggressive behavior will have a "place to use."
In the face of children's aggressive behavior, if parents just stay at the problem level, instead of helping children to explore the reasons behind it and seek scientific and effective ways to improve their behavior, then children are likely to have a series of problems, such as learning difficulties, social obstacles, conduct obstacles and so on. So, how should parents deal with their children's aggressive behavior?
If the growth of children is compared to the growth of a tree, then the environment is the soil where the tree grows. Children's cognitive ability is limited, so some aggressive behaviors are shaped by the environment.
If parents can realize this, discover their own interests and characteristics in time, and open up an independent activity space for their children, children will have the opportunity to develop themselves. For example, set up a reading corner and design a small children's playground. If possible, prepare more picture books, toys and small musical instruments for children.
On the one hand, it separates children from TV, mobile phones and games in space, providing them with more opportunities for alternative choices; On the other hand, it also gives children a full sense of freedom and control, which can not only exert their imagination and creativity, but also exercise their planning and decision-making power.
In the process of growing up, children will inevitably experience troubles, encounter setbacks and produce various negative emotions. However, they don't have the ability to adjust their emotions, so it is particularly important for their parents to guide them reasonably.
When children are wronged, such as being criticized by teachers or left out by peers, parents should consider choosing appropriate occasions, patiently guide their children to vent their grievances, and even allow them to cry and make a scene, so that the blocked emotions in their hearts can be released.
At the same time, parents can also use games to divert their children's attention, such as drawing, having fun and playing puzzles with their children. , and choose other more interesting activities. This not only increases the positive experience of children's emotions, but also improves the quality of parent-child relationship.
Imitation is a very important means in children's learning process, and from the moment a child is born, the first object to learn imitation is parents. People often say that children are replicas of their parents, so parents' words and deeds in life are imperceptibly affecting children.
If parents are impatient and have poor self-adjustment ability, they often bring negative emotions home in the workplace, even scold or punish their children for a trivial matter, or quarrel in front of their children, then what children learn from their parents must be the way to solve problems by violence.
Therefore, parents educate their children, and words are far better than examples. In order to improve children's behavior, parents must be strict with themselves, be cautious in words and deeds, always stay awake in daily life and start from themselves.
Parents can usually play role-playing games with their children, and create some small scenes in life in the game, so that children can learn to put themselves in other people's shoes and feel the feelings of others. For example, when a child has a conflict with a small partner in kindergarten (because the other party accidentally broke his toy and pushed it to the ground).
When children don't know how to deal with conflicts correctly, parents can let them play the role of pushed partners, and one parent can play the role of children and let them feel the emotions of the other. At this time, if children can think deeply, they can understand the negative feelings of aggressive behavior on others and learn to put themselves in others' shoes.