Although Miss Li and her husband are both middle school teachers, her husband almost ignores the children, which is why when she quarrels with her children, her husband hides far away, as if his son is not a son.
After going to college, Mr. Li has been unable to control his children, and his son's problems have become more and more serious. His academic performance dropped rapidly. He failed in his freshman year, and now he is a sophomore, so he may fail.
Now that his son has become like this, Mr. Li feels responsible, and her husband is even more responsible. She is worried that her son will graduate normally if he continues to play like this.
1)
Being admitted to 985 University shows that you are smart, but why do parents who are teachers think that education is a failure? We don't know the specific situation, but at least two problems can be seen from Teacher Li's description.
The first question: Father's absence.
I remember a very popular TV series about the influence of father's absence on children's growth. In this play, the mother is in an absolutely strong position in the family. When family conflicts occur, the father basically chooses to avoid or escape, which leads to three children in their family, the eldest, the second and the third, all of whom have different degrees of personality defects.
The phenomenon of father's absence exists partly because of the influence of traditional family education concept and partly because the mother herself is too strong. What exactly is the situation at Mr. Li's house? We don't know. Maybe both factors exist.
We know that what parents say and do is very important. Father and mother share different roles and responsibilities and play different roles in this process. Father's absence will lead to a decline in prestige. For example, a mother said that a child is worth three sentences, mainly because the father's authority is gone, and no one in the family has the ability to restrain the child's outrageous behavior.
The second problem: lack of communication skills
Skilled
The mother doesn't listen to her children, and the other half doesn't cooperate with her in education. It is very likely that this mother lacks communication skills.
If you want to have a harmonious family relationship, you must know communication skills, not only how to communicate with children, but also how to communicate with the other half.
Adults and underage children have their own ideas, not only in their studies, but also in their daily lives. As parents, we should respect our children, pay attention to their reactions and attitudes in the process of communication, take care of their feelings, and don't always follow their own ideas.
If you always treat college children with such a condescending attitude, communicate with them in a lesson-like tone, and don't respect their own individual needs, then many words said by parents must be very contradictory to children. In addition, when communicating with your wife or husband, you should also pay attention to skills. Listen to each other's opinions and let him (her) take the initiative to participate and be willing to participate.
2)
Since there is a problem, we must solve it.
First of all, we must solve the problem of father's absence. Mom should not complain because dad is away, but try to create opportunities for dad and children to get along. In the process of getting along with them, don't interfere too much in their private communication, and give your father some room to play freely, even if his educational philosophy and communication methods are different from his own, don't interfere.
At the same time, mothers should also explore the bright spots in their fathers, accumulate some interesting things in the process of communication between fathers and children, and often show them to their fathers or listen to them. This can enhance the father's awareness of parenting and the sense of responsibility in family education, and make her feel that she plays an important role in children's education and emotional connection.
What needs to be emphasized is that the mother should not be too strong, but should restrain herself a little and try to establish the authority of the father in front of the children.
Secondly, we must solve the communication problem. The premise of communication is mutual respect. Whether communicating with children or partners, we should respect each other, accept and understand each other's behavior, and appreciate each other's bright spots.
We should also learn to listen. When children talk to us, we should listen carefully and patiently and respond positively, not perfunctory. If there are some conflicts in communication, try to control your emotions, let go of your desire to control, and don't abuse and punish your children casually.
In fact, the best way to educate children is to show their parents' efforts to be themselves, pass on the excellent qualities such as diligence, sureness, firmness and optimism to their children, bring positive influence to their children with their words and deeds, and make them truly excellent.