Friends who click on this article must have a very high value. We have a really good relationship. I will bring you different parenting information every day. If you have any comments on my article or other contents, please comment positively below. I will read every article carefully. Then the content of this issue is: If you are a person who fails to educate children, I suggest you insist on doing three things! Then let's take a look!
"Everyone needs love, gentleness, tolerance and understanding. Every child comes from a pure and innocent place and should always be a treasure that the world loves so much. " This classic line comes from the movie "Spring of the Cow" many years ago.
The first time I saw the title of the movie, I thought it was a story of a child herding cattle, but it wasn't. "Cattle classes" actually refer to some "problematic" teenagers.
Teacher Clemente uses eyes, music and love to emancipate children's minds and open their hearts. When educating children, respect, understanding, tolerance and encouragement are essential. As long as there is love, there will be spring among the cattle.
Romain rolland said that one can only guide others, not walk for others. How to cultivate lifelong qualities beneficial to children with positive discipline methods that do not punish or condone themselves, and how to win their hearts? How to encourage children to make progress and build self-confidence?
The book Positive Discipline may give you some experience in educating children. The author of this book, Jane Nielsen, is an American doctor of education, an outstanding psychologist and educator, a California marriage and family occupational psychotherapist, and the founder of UNICEF. American "Regular Training Association". He is the author or co-author of the book 18, and a consultant to many famous parenting and parenting magazines.
The book has been translated into 16 languages and sold more than 4 million copies in the United States and 2 million copies outside the United States. It has been published for 25 years and is now regarded as a classic.
The problem of educating children has had a real and far-reaching impact on me. Trying to use some methods in this book can warm my child and my heart and help him develop various social skills and life skills on the road of life. From then on, I will clearly realize that I should stand side by side. Only by working hard can we surpass ourselves better.
Suhomlinski once said: "In the most secret corner of every child's heart, there is a unique string. When you touch it, it will make a unique sound, so that the child's heart will resonate with what I said. I need to be consistent with it myself. A child's heartstring. " 1. High kindness, low firmness and no rules.
Anyone who has seen A Dream of Red Mansions knows that there is a typical boring son, Xue Pan, who lost his father when he was a child, and his mother, his mother, indulged and indulged him. He forcibly killed Feng Yuan, attempted to seduce Liu Xianglian, and was killed by Liu Xianglian.
Blind kindness is often too tolerant and free, but there are no rules. Children can choose what they want to do without restriction. Over time, a destructive way of education has been formed. Some parents may think that children will have their own rules and principles, which will be counterproductive when they grow up.
Kindness and strength are not equal to freedom.
My son's classmate Lily is a good example.
Lily's family lives in a community with us. She is the little princess in the family, with a rich family and excellent academic performance. She has always been a role model for the children in her class. She studies well because her parents have made a strict study plan for her.
Every morning I get up at five o'clock, study for half an hour, then run for dinner, until the time before the children go to school, all the arrangements are full. After school, if the teacher has no special arrangements, he must go home to do his homework on time.
Learn Olympic Games on Saturday morning, have composition class in the afternoon, learn dance on Sunday morning, and finish unfinished homework in the afternoon. Even after finishing her homework, Lily played with her friends in the community for a while, and her mother quickly called her. She practices calligraphy at home.
But in the second grade, Lily's studies gradually declined. At puberty, children gradually become rebellious girls.
On weekends, she locked herself in the house, and her parents told her to go to cram school, but she didn't open the door. Looking at her partner who is free to move outside the window, she is often in a daze.
Children under high pressure control will show short-term behavior and obedience in a short time. Excessive control left Lily with no choice and freedom. Lily's parents have become controlling parents, which has a great influence on her future growth.
Kindness and firmness mean rules and freedom.
I saw this passage from the German on the Internet:
"Obeying the rules and being meticulous is a simple way of life. There is no rule to follow, which will make people feel very tired. Freedom must be restricted, otherwise, one freedom of A may be at the expense of another freedom of B. "Sister Zhou is a primary school teacher in a school in our district. Last weekend, I took my son to see Sister Zhou's house. My son Xiaoyu, who is not in the first grade of primary school, is lively and naughty, but sister Zhou is very upset. Good at educating children.
At noon, Sister Zhou cooked a table of dishes according to the children's preferences. Xiaoyu chose to eat sweet and sour pork ribs and fish-flavored shredded pork, but she didn't eat any. Xiaoyu has been making noise.
"I don't want to eat any more. I want to eat fried tenderloin, I want to eat. "
At this time, Zhou Jie calmly told Xiaoyu that her mother had no special function and would not turn ribs and shredded pork into pork tenderloin. Or go out to play for a while after your brother has finished eating.
Xiaoyu likes to play with his son. They don't come back until dark. As soon as they walked in, Xiaoyu shouted to Zhou Jie, "Mom, I'm hungry."
Sister Zhou let the children experience that if they make a choice, they will pay the price for their actions.
Zhou Jie didn't get angry, didn't beat and scold when dealing with Xiaoyu's problems, and respected children's choices on the basis of safeguarding their dignity. This is kindness.
Before cooking, Sister Zhou asked Xiaoyu to make a choice without hesitation.
When kindness and firmness coexist, there are rules and freedom, and choices are limited. This also means respecting children, respecting yourself and respecting the situation.
"Winning children" means that adults protect children's dignity, respect children, and let children voluntarily cooperate with their parents or teachers.
"Winning" a child means that adults beat the child through control and punishment, and the child has no self-esteem.
In order to win cooperation with children, the author gives four steps:
1. Express your understanding of children's feelings 2. Show sympathy for your children, not forgiveness. Tell your children how you feel. Let the children concentrate on solving the problem. In the book, the author lists the experience shared by Mrs. Martinez: her daughter Linda was scolded by the teacher in front of all the students in the school because Linda borrowed a pencil in class. She felt very depressed and thought it was unfair.
Mrs Martinez tried to communicate with her children slowly through the above four steps.
Mrs Martinez kindly told Linda that she would feel very embarrassed when the teacher yelled at her in front of others.
She told her daughter that when she was a child, she stood up and sharpened a pencil. The teacher yelled at her in the same way. She is angry and sympathetic, expressing your feelings, and there is no reason to forgive.
Linda quickly replied to her mother, saying that she just wanted to borrow a pencil from her classmate. According to Linda's description, his wife asked her if there was any way to solve this problem in order to avoid embarrassment in the future.
My daughter said that she would prepare more pencils in the future to prevent similar things from happening again.
Our tone can most accurately express the feelings behind words, and the feelings and attitudes behind actions determine what we will do.
First of all, "win" the child's heart, thinking that the child has the ability to cooperate with adults and make contributions, and must not "win" the child to become a winner and let the child become a loser.
Speaking of encouragement and praise, it reminds me that Stanford University once did such a difficult challenge experiment:
The children who participated in the experiment were randomly divided into two groups. After the experiment, half of the children got the answers "You are great" and "You are so smart". The other half said, "You were very focused just now. Work hard and hurry up! "
Then the second puzzle challenge began. They are free to choose different difficulties. Most praised children chose the less difficult task, while the most encouraged children chose the more difficult task.
The results show that compared with the first test, the scores of encouraged children in this test have increased by about 30%, and the scores of praised children have decreased by about 20%.
Carol Dweck said, "Praising children's intelligence means telling them that success is out of their control. In this way, when they face failure, they are usually helpless. Encouraging children to work hard will provide them with a way to do things by themselves. When you feel controlled, children will think that success is in their own hands. The effect of encouraging children for a long time is that children will gradually become confident and self-reliant, while praise will make children gradually rely on other people's evaluation and seek other people's opinions during their growth.
Gu Zhenbiao said that people who know how to respect themselves will also know how to respect others, including their own children.
Positive Discipline is a book worth reading. If you want to be more perfect in educating children, you must read this book. The author will personally teach you that only in a friendly atmosphere can children develop social skills and life skills. Responsibility, cooperation and lifelong benefit.
As the author said in the book: "My children are not perfect and I am not perfect, but now I can really enjoy being a parent."
I am a family education teacher, a senior obstetrician and a multi-platform parenting author. Follow me to bring you practical knowledge of motherhood and parenting. If you have any confusion or questions, please feel free to send me a private message, and I will reply in time. I hope some of my suggestions will make you as a parent suddenly enlightened and stop taking the road of parenting alone.