A college girl jumped off a building that night because she sang out of tune at a gala, which caused the whole audience to laugh!
20 10 September, a key middle school in Beijing 15-year-old girl was accused of talking about teachers. Fat? , criticized, attempted suicide, resulting in lifelong disability.
In 20 10, a large-scale questionnaire survey was conducted among primary and secondary school students in China by the joint investigation team of the National Juvenile Delinquency Working Committee, China Youth Daily and Children's Research Institute of China Youth Research Center. What is your main weakness? In a survey, among the 16350 pupils surveyed, 3 1.2% chose? Timid? , is the first disadvantage; Among 5560 middle school students, 28.2% chose? Timid? , is the third shortcoming.
A recent survey shows that the suicide rate of children and adolescents in China is on the rise; Answer? What should I do if I encounter difficulties? At that time, 97% of primary and secondary school students thought of looking for parents or teachers, rather than trying to solve them themselves.
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These real events and data show that many children are afraid of difficulties and have poor psychological ability to bear setbacks. In recent years, this problem has aroused widespread concern in the whole society, and the voice of frustration education for children has become increasingly strong. Psychologists, educators, parents, teachers and so on. Have you appealed? Children today need frustration education? . Then, how to educate children about setbacks in family education?
The so-called frustration refers to people's nervous state and negative emotional reaction when they encounter obstacles and interference that they can't overcome or think they can't overcome in order to meet their own needs and achieve specific goals. Generally speaking, children who are easily frustrated often show the following characteristics more or less: such as pursuing unrealistic goals; Lack of psychological preparation for the difficulties that may be encountered in the process of pursuing goals; Lack of ability, how to deal with difficulties is better than how to deal with them; Lack of self-confidence, exaggerating difficulties into insurmountable obstacles, etc.
The formation of children's above characteristics is closely related to parents' educational methods. For example, parents are eager for their children to succeed. On the one hand, they ask their children to be omnipotent and settle for second best. On the one hand, try to meet children's needs, especially material needs. As a result of this kind of indoctrination, children gradually form some unrealistic expectations for themselves, and they can't afford to lose everything. Parents' accommodation everywhere and great satisfaction with their children's needs also give them an illusion; No matter what he wants to achieve, he can always achieve it smoothly. On the other hand, parents' excessive protection and arrangement make children's various abilities unable to develop well. Responsible for yourself? Consciousness is also difficult to cultivate. In this way, when children really face real life and competition, they can't be the first everywhere, and everything is satisfied, they will naturally have a strong sense of frustration. It can be seen that the growth atmosphere created by improper family education is in sharp contrast with the real experience of children outside the family, which is an important reason why children are difficult to face reality and have poor ability to bear setbacks.
Therefore, in the usual family education, parents should strive to help their children prepare for life setbacks, and pay attention to the following principles in education:
First, the expectations of children should be reasonable, and children should be trained to evaluate themselves correctly.
Every child has his own strengths and weaknesses, so parents should make an objective evaluation and put forward reasonable expectations for the growth of children, so as to motivate children to work hard for suitable development goals. If parents only see the child's advantages and ignore his shortcomings, the child will be complacent because of his lack of understanding of his own shortcomings and cannot accept failure; If parents have unrealistic high expectations for their children, it will increase their psychological pressure and make them afraid to face failure; Of course, if parents always find fault with their children, belittle them and have no expectations for them, it will also hurt their self-esteem. Such children lack self-confidence and will avoid difficulties in order to avoid setbacks. In short, parents' unreasonable expectations of their children, whether too high or too low, will hinder children from objectively evaluating themselves, so that events that should not have caused frustration, such as normal failures or difficulties that can be overcome with a little effort, may cause setbacks to children. In other words, unreasonable expectations will increase the chances of children encountering setbacks. On the contrary, parents' reasonable expectations can guide children to evaluate themselves correctly. In this case, on the one hand, children will not easily feel frustrated; On the other hand, on the basis of correct self-evaluation, we can have appropriate expectations for the difficulties and setbacks that may be encountered in the process of achieving our goals. In this way, children will be psychologically prepared to bear setbacks and will respond objectively and calmly when facing setbacks.
Second, set an example for children and cultivate their confidence in overcoming difficulties.
Psychological research shows that role models have a great influence on the formation and change of children's behavior. Setting an example for children who are not afraid of difficulties and overcome setbacks not only helps to enhance their confidence in facing setbacks bravely, but also reveals a truth to children, that is, we should not only admire anyone who is successful, but also admire and learn. There is no easy success in the world. Only those who keep making progress in setbacks can win the crown of success.
In daily life, parents should often tell their children about the growth and success of some celebrities in setbacks. I hope that children can follow the example of these celebrities and don't be afraid of setbacks. Children's best direct role models in life are their parents. ? Examples speak louder than words? . Parents' attitudes and behaviors towards setbacks will exert a subtle influence on children's attitudes and behaviors.
Children can also be their role models. For example, parents should instruct their children to record their experiences of overcoming setbacks. In this way, when the child faces setbacks in the future, he can be reminded to look at these records and learn from himself. Of course, the form of setting children as their role models is by no means unique. Parents and children can combine reality to create special forms suitable for their families.
Third, give children the opportunity to exercise and cultivate their courage to bear setbacks.
It is impossible for a child not to encounter setbacks in his life. In order to make children suffer less in later life, what parents should do in the process of their children's growth is to carefully design a beneficial educational environment, so that children can suffer properly in the process of growing up and cultivate their courage and ability to bear setbacks. With such preparation, children may suffer less in the future. Many parents also understand this truth, educating their children to be brave and strong, but this kind of education is often only verbal, which parents can neither bear nor dare to put their children in trouble. However, perseverance in the face of setbacks can not be cultivated by preaching. Children must experience setbacks in order to surpass them. Therefore, parents should also pay attention to the design of educational environment in daily education, and don't blindly create a living environment where all needs can be easily met for their children, let alone hinder their children's opportunities to properly accept difficulties and setbacks. It is far more effective for children to insist on a physical exercise, participate in military training organized by the school, and properly participate in housework and other activities than you preach to cultivate their courage to bear setbacks and their ability to overcome setbacks.
Fourth, be a child? A consultant? Cultivate children's ability and spirit of self-reliance
Children with insufficient ability will be unable to cope with difficulties and will always be depressed by setbacks. Children with strong ability are good at solving problems and are not easily frustrated. Even if they are frustrated, they can actively seek solutions or compensation from other channels. Many children's abilities are formed and developed in the process of solving problems. When children are faced with problems, shouldn't parents take them? Decision maker? Instead of making and implementing decisions for children, what should we do? A consultant? Give them advice, give them the advice they choose, teach children some ways to overcome difficulties, and finally let the children make their own decisions and implement them. This educational process can not only cultivate children's ability, but also cultivate children's spirit of being responsible for their actions.
Cultivating children's ability and spirit of self-reliance cannot be achieved overnight. Parents should attach importance to dealing with all kinds of things related to their own lives independently in their daily life? Little things? It is necessary to enrich children's experiences and let them gain the ability and spirit of self-reliance from these experiences. The lack of experience in coping with life independently? Clothes to reach out, rice to mouth? Our children are often afraid to face difficulties and are easily frustrated. A young college student from Sichuan dropped out of school because he could not live independently without the care of his parents. When he was told by the school to go back to school, he dared not jump off a building to commit suicide in the face of the upcoming solitary life. Faced with such a tragedy, we should wake up. Although this is an extreme case, it does remind us not to despise those who let their children take care of their own lives, wash their own clothes, clean their own rooms and so on? Little things? . Because these little things are important ways to cultivate children's self-reliance and spirit and improve their ability to cope with setbacks.
Frustration education is actually an indispensable nutrition in the process of children's growth, and parents must not ignore this important issue.