Have you ever faced the situation that children are too generous? How to deal with this kind of thing?
In fact, 4 to 6 years old is a sensitive period for children's interpersonal relationships. At this time, children will especially like to make friends and participate in group activities. It's easy to exchange toys with friends or send toys directly. The hidden meaning behind these behaviors is: I give you something and we are good friends. At this time, it is more direct and simple for children to make friends. However, if gifts are sent too frequently and valuables are delivered quietly, problems will easily occur. Parents must seize this opportunity and give their children correct guidance.
1. Understand the motivation of children to give gifts.
Why do children give things to others? Are they asked by others or given by themselves? Then ask him how he really feels after giving the toy away. After he gave it, was he happy, or lost and regretted it? Is he doing this to please others?
If children want to please their peers and take giving things as a means to please their peers, they should popularize the correct concept of friendship, property rights and sharing.
2. empathize with the child, tell his feelings and affirm his positive place.
Parents should show understanding when talking to their children and think from their point of view, rather than blindly denying and accusing them. You can affirm his behavior first and tell him that "it is good to be willing to share." Mom is very happy for you. You can be so generous. "
3. Cultivate children's correct concept of sharing.
Tell him what can and can't be delivered. Children's own gadgets, such as pencils, toys and snacks, can be shared with peers. However, gifts given by others represent others' wishes and cannot be given. At this time, you can also give him an example, saying that if a friend transfers the toy he gave to others, what will his mood be? Let him forget it. He understands this feeling and knows that this kind of thing should not be given.
There are still some valuable things to do according to your ability, don't give them to please others, and don't force yourself to do things you don't like. Tell him, "We should care about our feelings, everyone has their own selfishness, and I don't want to give away what my mother liked when I was a child." It doesn't mean that if you don't give it to him, you won't be stingy and you won't be friends. "
Tell him what true friendship is like. The child didn't know it was wrong until he sent out his mobile phone. Seeing him lying, he knew that he was actually in a panic. Parents should understand their children's behavior first, and then tell similar stories that happened when they were children. Tell your child that you have done this before. You gave all the gifts to your little friend, but later you found that your partner neglected himself because he didn't give anything. Then talk about your mood at that time, how someone enlightened you at that time, how you woke up, and how you understood true friendship.
Tell him that you can't be good friends by giving him some gifts, and the friendship maintained by material things is unstable and not long-lasting.
Tell him to pay attention to the time when giving gifts, such as some holidays or birthdays. If he wants to give a friend a gift, he can tell you, and then you can choose a good gift together.
Tell him that friendship is two-way and mutually beneficial. Although friends should be careful not to ask for anything in return, only one person's unilateral efforts will spoil each other and make them ignore your feelings. Because a friend will get used to your efforts, once you stop, he will be unhappy and forget all your good things in the past, only remember your bad things this time, but this is what you are used to.
Tell him that people who ask for gifts from others are not real friends. You can ask your child, "Will you ask someone for something?" Then strike while the iron is hot, cultivate the child's correct awareness of property rights and tell him that things belonging to others cannot be taken away easily.
In this way, by telling stories, children can feel empathy, guide children in this process and establish a correct concept of friendship for him.
5. Cultivate children's awareness of property rights, that is, the ownership of goods, to whom this thing belongs.
If parents don't want their children to give away valuables casually, they must give them a clear sense of property rights and clearly tell them what they can and can't share. For example, the mobile phone is grandma's, not someone else's. Unless the other party agrees, we can't give it to others without authorization. You can also let children know the importance of mobile phones to grandma. Tell him there are many important things in his mobile phone. Grandma will be very sad without it. Finally, as mentioned above, tell children not to ask for other people's things easily, let alone ask for things from others. If someone has to give you something, you have to give it back and forth, not just ask for it.
6. Let the children take responsibility for themselves.
After doing this, ask the child what to do now. Let him think for himself and guide him to say the correct answer. If the child says it, give him a thumbs up or a hug in time to encourage him. Tell him he has to take responsibility for what he did wrong, but you will stay with him and go with him. Of course, you can't expect your children to explain the whole thing to each other. You can teach your child to say a word or two and let the child tell the other mother face to face.
Then the rest is between adults. However, we should pay attention to the way we speak. Don't let the other parents punish their children, but guide them well. This is really necessary, because the punishment of the other child will eventually be transferred to your child, so that your child can bear his anger and the pain of losing a friend.
Whether your child gives something that others should not give or receives something that should not be received, the core of dealing with the problem is the same. Empathy first, we must feel empathy; Then by telling your own story, you can get closer to your child and tell the truth; Finally, let the children take their responsibilities appropriately.