"Wait for the children to ask me before telling TA" may be a view of many parents on "sex education". In fact, many things in children's growth, we never wait until they ask, we will tell them in advance. For example, Dr. hafner gave an example in the lecture: when children were young, when they wanted to touch the stove with their hands, we would repeatedly tell them, "The stove is very hot, you can't touch it with your hands." Instead of waiting for the children to ask us, "Mom, can I touch the stove?" So, why don't we ever tell our children about our body and sex in advance?
In fact, when children enter primary school, they will be full of all kinds of curiosity about sexual content. If they don't know anything about this, they are likely to be at a loss and don't know how to face it when they encounter menarche and nocturnal emission. What's more, some children are born "questioners", while others are not. Therefore, you must not wait for your child to ask questions, but take the initiative to tell your child the age-appropriate content.
2. Look for "teachable moments" to provide children with sexual information naturally and calmly.
Talking about "sex" with children doesn't need a very formal and serious moment. You can take advantage of various opportunities in daily life, which is the so-called "teachable moment". For example, Dr. hafner said that in the United States, parents will teach their children to know their own bodies, "This is the head, this is the shoulder, this is the stomach, this is the knee, and this is the toe". Did everyone find anything? Yes, part of the reproductive system was intentionally skipped. Sometimes, parents will euphemistically mention their children's sex organs, which sends a message to their children that sex organs are different from other organs of the body, which is also a fundamental reason why many of us feel uncomfortable and unnatural when we mention the word "sex organs" in adulthood.
If children can know every part of their bodies, including reproductive organs, then it is no mystery to them that children naturally know the names of every part of their bodies. More importantly, if someone touches a child's sexual organs in an inappropriate way, the child can describe the situation in appropriate language. Just like if his elbow hurts, he can naturally and clearly express the help he needs in the situation.
It is not enough to talk about the facts. Share your feelings, attitudes, values and beliefs with your children.
In the process of children's sex education, we often focus on what kind of relevant knowledge to give children, while ignoring emotions, attitudes, values and beliefs. These contents are the very important cornerstone and the most important content for children to develop healthy sexual concepts. In the transmission of values, no one can replace the role of parents. Therefore, at every teachable moment, in addition to telling your child the age-appropriate information, don't forget to share your values on this matter with your child.
4. How to use the "three-step communication method" to answer and deal with children's questions?
As children grow up, they will ask all kinds of questions. So, how to answer and deal with children's various questions? Dr hafner gave a "three-step communication method" to help us guide our children more effectively. First, find out what the child already knows. Second, clarify the error message. Finally, express the values of your family.
For example, your 5-year-old child asks you, "Mom, where am I from?" . First of all, you can ask "Baby, where do you think you are from?" Then you can tell your child, "You were conceived in a place called the uterus in your mother's body." . For children aged 7-8, parents can further convey family values. "In our family, we all love babies, but we think that two people can have children only after they have established a marriage relationship." Of course, the values will vary from family to family, and there is no standard answer.
It should be emphasized that at any time, don't lie when answering your child's questions. Only in this way can the bond of trust between us and our children not be broken, and we can become parents who can ask anything in their hearts.