Please do a thinking experiment,
If an 8-year-old boy always plays pranks in class, what should a teacher do?
What will you do as a parent when you face a child who just wants to play and has no intention of studying?
I think many people's first reaction is to criticize education, that is, to nip children's "bad habits" in the bud.
First, two educational geeks inspired me.
I have read dozens of books on education in recent years, and two authors have classified them as "educational wonders" in my mind. What is strange about them is how to treat "poor students", which is exactly the opposite of what we usually think is correct.
First of all, teacher Lin Ju, whose kindergarten is a special "anti-common sense" place. There, children can be "bitches" themselves, cry if they want, scold if they want, and make trouble if they want. There, children can fully show their "evil", be jealous if they want to be jealous, feel inferior if they want to feel inferior, and be arrogant if they want to be arrogant. There, children can be "selfish" by themselves, greedy if they want to be greedy, possessive if they want to be, and repulsive if they want to be.
The second teacher is Zeng Zanjun, who is the "nemesis" of rebellious children. A boy of 16 years old, named Komatsu, was born in the family of a factory owner. Because parents have lived in poverty since childhood, their wish for their children's growth is simple: "It's good to be good". Komatsu has a limousine at school and an "aunt" to take care of his life. He didn't care about anything since he was a child. He sleeps in class and plays games after class. When doing the literacy test, Ceng Laoshi realized that Komatsu was only in the fourth grade and some subjects were only in the second grade. However, according to his age, he should be in the second grade. After Ceng Laoshi came into contact with Komatsu, his education was very simple. When Komatsu is interested in something, he will go deep into any topic. In Komatsu's words, "knowledge can't be bypassed no matter how it is bypassed." The biggest feature of education in Ceng Laoshi is to let students take the lead, ask and chat casually. The remote control seems to have been in the hands of the students all the time. However, in a subtle way, Ceng Laoshi took Komatsu to watch a lot of movies, read a lot of books, and completed the courses he left behind for many years. Three years later, Komatsu was admitted to a British university to study psychology. What is more commendable is that his understanding and cognition have surpassed many peers.
Why are the two masters of education so counterintuitive to "poor students"? And why does such an anti-common sense way of treating children produce a positive big change that ordinary people can't expect? To be honest, I haven't thought about it yet. Until I read a book recently, it was mentioned that children's "deterioration" is not a fall to the bottom, but a development from light to heavy. When the problem is minor, if it cannot be successfully "stopped", the child's performance will continue to decline and will always slide to a serious stage. The worst result will be "losing interest in everything".
Mr kishida fumio mentioned in the book "The Courage of Happiness" that Adler, the founder of individual psychology, made a very insightful discovery. He believes that there must be "purpose" behind the behavior, and the psychology behind the problem behavior of "problem people" can be divided into five stages according to the different purposes. Through the analysis of these five behaviors, we can vaguely see the hidden "purpose" behind children's behavior problems and understand what information they are transmitting to the people around them. Knowing this, I suddenly realized that we misread the "signal" sent by the child again and again, missed the opportunity to "stop" the problem from getting worse again and again, so that we pushed the child to the opposite side we wanted.
Second, the five stages of the deterioration of children's behavior problems
What are the five stages of the problem of "problem children"?
The first stage, the demand for praise.
It doesn't matter if you don't get praise. In short, I want to be different.
The third stage is the power struggle.
Educators play a very important role in preventing the deterioration of problem behavior. If handled correctly, the child will "get better" slowly, and if handled wrongly, the child will "become more unreasonable".
The fourth stage, revenge
The fifth stage, prove incompetence.
Second best, when children rise up and resist to no avail, they will despair of life, hate themselves from the bottom of their hearts and think they are useless. At this time, in order to avoid experiencing this despair again, I will escape everything. He will tell people around him that because I am incompetent, don't expect anything from me. Naked playing dumb, not interested in anything, unwilling to do simple things. At this time, the child's energy channel seems to be completely closed.
Third, the root causes of children's behavior problems
In fact, the child's "rebellious" behavior has only one purpose-to gain a "sense of belonging", which is the most fundamental demand, that is, he doesn't want to be isolated, he wants to truly feel that he belongs here, and he can stay here with peace of mind. Once he feels that his unique position has been shaken, he will use "abnormal" behavior to signal that he intends to find or prove his unique position in his family and school.
Fourth, while giving children material, they also give children spiritual nutrients.
Returning to the teacher Lin Ju mentioned earlier, he said that all educational problems will ultimately come down to human nature. Western culture is a safety culture, while eastern culture is a value culture. Western education emphasizes individuals and the satisfaction of their normal humanity. First of all, we must satisfy the sense of security. Oriental culture stresses a sense of value, which is reflected in its special love of reasoning and emphasis on how to be a man, and it is easy to ignore the normal needs of individuals. In fact, a good education should not only satisfy children's sense of security, but also give them a sense of value. We should not only inherit the values of eastern culture, but also learn the sense of security from western culture and understand and respect people.
We should believe that every life can grow naturally. We adults need to look at the child quietly with awe of life and help him when he needs it. More often, we just need to trust him, give him strength and give him love.
Parents' greatest love for their children is "respect". Only with respect can they establish a relationship of mutual trust with their children. With trust, they have the opportunity to receive education. Children will only listen to "people who believe in themselves" and will not listen to "well-founded" words. Parents should be their children's "friends", trust their children and don't interfere too much; Parents should be children's "military advisers", stand behind their children and give them timely help when they need it.