As my Italian teacher said, "Even though I have been engaged in children's education for nearly 40 years, I don't want to answer many questions about children raised by every parent. It's not that I don't understand, but I know every family has a delicate balance. Sometimes we deliberately intervene, which will upset this balance and make the situation worse. So for my parents' questions, I always say,' If it were me, I would do it' ". I'm just suggesting that I try not to put pressure on my parents.
Many times, we are eager to change our children and hope that children will grow up according to our ideas and ways, but in fact, what needs to be changed more often is ourselves, the way we treat children, and our cognition of children.
About respect
First of all, we should learn to respect children and treat them as an independent personality and life.
Adults always have to do one thing and repeatedly emphasize to children: you can't do it, you are too slow. We often waste energy on these unnecessary things, and unconsciously delay the autonomy of children, so that they always rely on us adults, and we always regard them as attached to us, not as good as our existing individuals.
For example, feeding children, many parents will argue: Yes, I have to feed him, or he will eat for hours, and I have work to do, so it is impossible to wait for him for hours.
But we can imagine how happy it would be if children can eat by themselves and feel that they can do it well. Even if eating is a pleasant thing, children may feel nervous because of the pressure exerted by adults.
We should give our children enough time to study. If every family can't do this because parents have to work, then at least our school should do it, at least our teachers should respect the needs of children.
For Mr. Montessori, nothing is more important than this: give children enough time and don't put pressure on them, so each of us should realize that when we adults try to do something for our children, we will delay or postpone their independent opportunities. When children take care of themselves step by step in such a small matter, they can also liberate their parents. Why not?
About trust
Maria montessori once said that we need to trust children. She once wrote in a book: In an authoritative Montessori school, we need to absolutely believe in children's spontaneous interests and their natural inner impulses. Children have the desire and impulse to move and know their surroundings.
Children want to be active in the environment. They can't sit quietly for hours. They can concentrate and build relationships with their peers and teachers. Education will be influenced by the relationship between teachers and students. If the teacher can't establish a good relationship with the child, there will be cases where the teacher says that the child won't listen, so the teacher-student relationship becomes a disciplinary problem, and once it is done, it will be difficult to recover.
If the child trusts the teacher, he will feel trusted, respected and listened to, will not be disobedient and will not do some stupid and naughty things, because he knows that these things will affect my relationship with him. If there is love, respect and listening between teachers and students, these children can feel it. It's not that we always explain this to him in words, but that they can feel it through our actions.
It is very important that we match our words with our deeds. We can't say to children: OK, sit down and I'll listen to you, but look around and even play with mobile phones. No one will do anything stupid to ruin a good relationship that satisfies him, and neither will a child.
And we also know that if we can't establish a good relationship with children, then the knowledge we teach can't be passed on to them well. If children reject me or my teacher, then they will also reject my advice and knowledge.
About help
Help me do it myself.
Adults should help children do everything they can, that is, teach them to dress, not dress them; Teach them to bathe, not for them; Teach them to eat by themselves and eat in the right way instead of simply feeding them.
Once we let the children have a free path of self-development, the children will always surprise us and show the potential of constantly improving their movements.
So, I hope all our parents will slow down. We just need to help our children when they need help. As long as the children ask us for help, we must make them feel safe and believe that we are always there. This sense of security can promote and inspire children to explore further.
Although we have a deep-rooted desire to do things well, and it is often difficult for us to restrain our impulse to intervene to help our children, we still have to follow the principle of waiting, because respect often means waiting.
For example, sometimes, I ask my children: What did you do yesterday afternoon? Less than a second after I ask this question, the child's parents will jump out and say that he played football yesterday afternoon. Or a younger child, I approached him and asked his name, and his parents would immediately answer: XXX.
In fact, I really want to say: can't we adults wait for a few seconds? Give children more time to answer for themselves. It is because we have contracted too much, whether it is food, clothing, housing and transportation or communication, so our children gradually retreat from the active role to the passive role, and then accept the parents' questions: How did my child become like this? Who can blame this?
About work
In Montessori school, we call children's explorations in the environment works, because these explorations are very important for children's growth, and children gradually build themselves by understanding things around them.
One of the characteristics of adult work is that every adult wants to get the most with the least effort, while children don't follow the rules of adults.
For example, when you say to your child, no, it is easier for you to do so. They often look at us in surprise because they can't understand. We can even see it on their faces. They seem to say: I don't seem to hear what you are saying at all.
Children do a lot of work in the environment, and he will not spare his energy and energy. On the contrary, we adults are worried about whether we can achieve that external goal. To this end, we even do not hesitate to destroy our healthy bodies and sell our kind souls.
We may never ask: will this matter be good for ourselves in the end? Of course, what we do is useful, but is it really useful to ourselves? Maybe only we know this!
As a Montessori teacher, I only hope that what I have learned and felt can be really well conveyed to my children and students. I can't predict whether you will be better than others in the future, but I hope I can participate in and witness your growth again and again, which is probably the only thing I can give!
Autumn moon begonia || Let excellent words be seen.