The principle of instinctive system tells us that it is very important to master and follow the instinct of using animal brains. The core consciousness follows the principle of survival and evolution, with perceptual cognitive characteristics as the main feature and rational logical thinking as the supplement.
One is an instinctive way of thinking that uses an instinctive system, is unwilling to think, is unreasonable and tells stories.
Reasoning is against the animal brain, unwilling to think about instinct, telling stories is logical, unwilling to think about instinct. Educate children, don't say "you have to study hard when you grow up", "you have to study hard to be worthy of your parents", "you have to be a civil servant when you grow up, you have to be filial to your ancestors", "you have to be grateful to your parents", not to mention "you have to have ideals". None of this is useful. Children have no rational thinking ability at all. A typical case is useless.
Stories are emotional stimuli, which can easily lead to association and imagination, without thinking. Please note that in life, speeches, reports and sales promotion all use storytelling, examples or appearances. Those carefully packaged, unthinking entrepreneurial stories, including talents, inspirational lectures and reports, are all based on the unthinking instinct of animal brains. So what is the best way to educate children? The story speaks for itself.
The second is to use the instinctive thinking mode of instinctive system, which is sensitive to emotions without thinking, unreasonable and situational.
The language is concise and clear, which accords with the lizard brain's instinct of not thinking. Therefore, the dialogue and communication between people should use the language style of lizard brain. In our daily life, is the communication between people natural and smooth? If every sentence is rational, is it difficult, let alone natural and fluent? A prepared speech, speech, report and speech is the representation of rational and logical thinking. Why do people talk, give speeches, report and give speeches in public? Once out of the script, they often get stuck and stutter, because that's not instinctive language. Even the written language is the same, easy to understand and entertaining. Obscure, logical, rational and philosophical, people don't like to watch it.
This is one of them, but plain language is not enough. Language should be endowed with emotional context, humorous, witty and interesting. There is a saying called "vivid", which conforms to the emotional response and survival instinct of animals, that is, the organic integration of concise language and emotional situation is the best way for people to communicate and communicate.
Both parties in love must not communicate, exchange and talk in a straightforward way. They want to create some "surprise" and "fun" situations for each other, which are full of fun and memorable. Love is only when you are in love, not when you are straightforward and calm. The result is "no electricity" and "no feeling".
People's stories are vivid, familiar with natural scenes and scenes, and people like to be familiar with close people and things. On the one hand, it is determined by the principle of consanguineous survival, and the family relationship is similar; On the other hand, it is cognitive survival decision, familiar security and unfamiliar defense.
Accordingly, people's communication, exchange and dialogue should create and create a familiar character, plot and situation, with pictures and texts, audio-visual combination, stirring plot and rich association. This is the film and television drama, which allows you to enter the TV drama situation, and your feelings move with the situation, mixed with sadness and joy; So is the exposure effect. The two sides in love must be close, and there are many contacts in the same city, so that familiar people or things can feel safe. Interpersonal communication also follows the law of "human society" Human society Human society is the organic integration of people and feelings, and acquaintances are safe. "Are people in their hometown close?"
Not only familiar people, but also the integration of situations, such as situations that are easy to produce pleasure and happy associations, such as Inner Mongolia. You will think of blue sky, white clouds and green grasslands; "Sanya" will be associated with sunshine, sandy beach and blue sea. Related situations that are prone to anxiety and fear, such as: situational description of diseases and fear of physical and mental health, make people feel uneasy and anxious; Internet's description of the future development of work and life makes people worry about their future life. Of course, this is also an important way for marketers or scholars to fool the people according to the weakness of human nature.
The state should give a nation a dream, and enterprises should give employees a beautiful vision; Similarly, our parents should also create a bright future for their children, and the future is not far away.
Parents, have you noticed a problem? What attracts children's attention when accepting external information must be audio-visual, illustrated things, not simple words. From the perspective of psychological memory, the situation is not only easy to understand and attract attention, but also profound in memory, image and truth.
The third is to use the instinctive system to feel the instinctive thinking mode of cognition, which is unreasonable and emphasizes experience.
Children don't want to study. You tell them "How hard their parents work", "It's not easy for their parents to earn money" and "You should study hard and live a happy life when you grow up". It's no use preaching. Just act directly and follow their parents to experience the factory community and the fields. Changing attitudes is a typical story: "Parents give their children living expenses, but they are late and can't go back, so they just rest under the eaves outside the school wall. Children climb the wall to play games in the middle of the night, see their father's scene, and then study hard. "
Once the sea was difficult for water, and the experience was the deepest. When you have experienced emotional trauma and accumulated emotional experience, you will keep it in mind. Next time you face an emotional situation, don't talk too much, don't be impulsive, and it will often have unexpected effects.
As parents, the first thing to establish is the subjective consciousness of children's independent self-growth. As far as a person's life growth is concerned, no one can replace the children themselves. Give children room to grow up independently and freely. Exercise is the best emotional intelligence training.
Dear parents, we should not hope to reason with our children, let alone preach the truth, so that children can understand that it is impossible, which is equivalent to talking to cows. Children are silent, not because they understand what you say, but because they are afraid of your authority. Therefore, parents' practice is to create an experience environment, cognitive field and situation for rationality, so that children can since the enlightenment, rather than simply changing their behavior through reasoning. When the environment changes, the behavior will change, the behavior will change and the attitude will change accordingly.
The fourth is to recognize the way of thinking of things with instinctive systems, habits and empirical judgments, not talking about the essence, but only talking about impressions.
The most typical "exposure effect", even if it is wrong information, increasing repetition and familiarity can promote acceptance. For example, the frequency of advertising cosmetics and mobile phones has a directional guide to your purchase. Once you need to buy one day, it may be the first choice; Another example is the slogan "the smell of mom" promoted by the hotel. Your catering may be the first choice, but it is not necessarily the best cost-effective. In this way, Huawei has been labeled as a national innovation and an internationally competitive industry, so the products you buy from Huawei may not actually rise to the level of a nation-state, but only a commodity market competition.
Educating children in this way, there is no need to repeat memories, question sea tactics, get familiar with them, get used to them, and don't consume brain power. People are naturally fond of habitual actions and behaviors in life, which is the origin of "habit forms quality, and quality determines fate".
This is also the reason why bad habits in life are hard to change. It is human nature to love leisure and hate work, and it is very easy for children to form bad habits, warning our parents that they must nip in the bud.
The fifth is to use instinctive system, short-sighted and realistic instinctive way of thinking, unreasonable and rewarding.
As far as human nature is concerned, the animal brain dominates the rational brain. It's hard to escape, and satisfaction is tempting. Regardless of the immediate future, eat and drink in time and get drunk in time. We fully respect and make use of this feature. In layman's terms, the "Rosenthal effect" is also the most typical one, that is, external conditions are stimulated in an appropriate, timely and appropriate situation to satisfy children's happiness.
Educating children in this way, don't talk about the future, talk about the present, "don't want to learn, don't want to learn" is instinct, and talking about learning is for a happy life in the future; Only by studying can we survive and stand on the society; Life should have an ideal truth. It's no use. Say it directly, and then play after completing the study task.
This is why we should use material rewards or spiritual rewards. But you will find that the rewards in primary schools are very easy to use, and the effect is obvious. When I get to middle school, I can't, and I can't. That's because when I entered middle school, the rational system gradually matured and I had my own thinking. One thing to emphasize here is that, first, neither reward nor punishment should be too heavy, otherwise it will be difficult for children to really like something or change their attitude to do something; Second, it is counterproductive to reward everything without analyzing the facts. Many parenting books have mentioned this point, and its real principle is cognitive dissonance. The reward is set according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory and the common feeling of human needs.
The sixth is to use instinctive system, like Lenovo's way of thinking, which is not single but rich.
Children's rational system is immature, and his memory follows the principles of biological memory: first, repetition, as we all know, children's memory is very good, but you should also know and forget it soon, so we won't repeat the reasons here; Second, all kinds of sensory stimulation, which is in line with the principle of emotional cognition, he can not think rationally; Third, the fear of danger, major setbacks, and the background patterns and scenes of fear are deeply remembered, which is also determined by survival, and it is not a long-term memory, and it has long been eliminated by the biological community. There is a coded memory rule in the memory rule. This coding memory rule must be a thrilling scene, and that's why.
People are anxious because they are easily associated with scenes of fear, which is beyond their control. The child made a mistake last time and was severely punished. This time, the fear of making mistakes came to mind. My parents scolded me for not doing well in the last exam. I feel guilty for not doing well in the exam this time. Seeing others being brutally "beaten" or miserable in TV dramas or novels, you are already scared and very upset. Why do we fear or cry or hate? The instinct of sympathy and the feeling that "neither of us is happy-forever".
People suffer great setbacks, and their memories are particularly profound, and those satisfying and happy events have relatively little memories, which is also the same reason.
Association is not only beneficial to memory, but also a way of learning and cognition. Through association, we can analyze and summarize the essence and laws of such things from those "examples" of life, which is what we often say. This is also the origin of the prevalence of "crowd tactics".
Dear parents, why do you say that children should fully participate in social practice and experience activities? It is because vivid experiences or "cases" can only be accumulated in rich social practice experience activities. This is the basis for us to learn to recognize things, otherwise association, learning and cognition are castles in the air.
Seventh, using the instinctive system, we can't distinguish between imagination and real cognitive characteristics, and we don't talk about reality and imagination.
Lizard's brain has a cognitive feature, which makes it impossible to distinguish between reality and imagination in life. It often thinks that what is imagined is real, and our daily life can be seen everywhere. For example, Herali's A Brief History of Human Beings holds that the unique language and imagination of human beings are the driving force for human survival and development, which is consistent with the cognitive characteristics of lizard brain. The author points out that with the development of agricultural civilization and the increase of population, the greed and selfishness of human nature are prominent, which breeds the struggle, turmoil and killing within the group. In order to make social groups unite and survive, we imagine to create "norms" for groups such as morality, law, organization and national government, that is, to construct an ideal model and vision, and then gradually become a reality. When we think about it, it is indeed the case. In life, when units and enterprises formulate so many rules and regulations, reward and punishment regulations, do they take into account the disadvantages or possible problems that have occurred or will occur in the future, and the essence of this kind of thinking, a thorough life, is human greed and selfishness. In life, units and enterprises put forward visions and goals, that is, to make your "vision" a reality and work hard now. The actual future is still far away and possible. This is also the case.
Religion is the best example. There is no need to explore whether God really exists. It's not necessary. Doing good deeds brings spiritual salvation and liberation. I think the book "Law of Attraction" also talks about this truth, but the difference is that everything has energy, which is a kind of energy giving, transmission and balance. If you want to get or realize an "ideal, vision and goal", you should sincerely regard it as a reality, and as long as you struggle, it will be realized.
What is our education? It is to help children set up visible and tangible goals in the journey of life, which is similar to the ideal we often say. This ideal is a stage goal, but it is not an "ideal" that experts and scholars often say. Don't listen to experts and scholars who say that "ideal" is the driving force of life development, and "set a lofty ideal from an early age", because there has never been an ideal to end life in this world.
Eighth, make use of instinctive system and cognitive thinking mode, be firm in existing cognition, not talk about change, but only talk about adaptation.
First, don't try to change your thinking and cognition. Everyone's cognition is very firm, and it's useless to reason. What do we do? "Empathy", "retreat for progress", knowing that the other party's ideas and understanding are wrong, but you agree with the other party's views and understanding very much, and communication will be unimpeded. If you say that there is something wrong with the other party's views and understanding, communication will be interrupted, and even you will be attacked and abused by the other party. This is to "retreat" first. After entering the same stage, when the other party relaxes its vigilance, it will eliminate the rebellious psychology, and then "move forward" and gradually penetrate into your point of view or the products you sell. What is human nature? "knowing that there are tigers in the mountains, they are biased towards the tiger mountain." Don't say that the front is the south wall, it's useless. How do people know themselves? This is a fact, whether you believe it or not. The Case of Counseling Institution Receiving Parents; "Cases where administrative and enterprise subordinates give opinions and suggestions to leaders". A case of a counseling institution giving advice to the boss (omitted). On the other hand, this is also the way of human cognition, and there is no choice but to do so. It used to be difficult for the ocean to touch water.
Second, don't try to change your cognitive attitude. In daily life, our habitual cognition holds that to change a person's behavior, we must first change a person's cognitive attitude, change cognitive attitude and make corresponding behavior changes. This is the origin of teaching, education and training in life. But real life proves that this is not the case, but it is easier to change a person's behavior than to change a person's attitude. A person's attitude towards something has a strong personal consciousness. If forced to change, it will make the person you want to convince feel uncomfortable inside, and the other party will show resistance. Behavior, on the other hand, is not greatly influenced by the environment, and the change of the environment will not cause a strong internal conflict. Practice has proved that it is easier to change behavior than attitude. So we can guide people to make behavioral changes by changing the environment.
You like KFC. If there is a McDonald's near your home, you will often go to McDonald's for convenience, but this does not change your attitude of liking KFC better, but your behavior has changed. You like Carrefour supermarket very much, but Carrefour supermarket is far from your home. When you want to buy something, you are likely to go to the shop downstairs, but this does not affect your attitude towards Carrefour, but your behavior has changed. And people's behavior has changed, and this person's attitude is contradictory, and he is in a bad mood and uncomfortable. In order to change this uncomfortable psychology, defend yourself and make a reasonable explanation for your behavior, McDonald's is good and small shops are good, so as to seek psychological comfort. Therefore, to change a person's cognitive attitude is not to teach, educate or train, but to create an environment to guide the other person into the "factual behavior situation" and change a person's behavior, so as to match the corresponding attitude.
There is a similar situation in life. First, the result of things is not what you expected, not what you want, or your ability is still difficult to achieve. Instead of what you expected, you didn't get it or failed, but the result happened. Second, things can't be recognized only by their existing cognition and ability, and it is difficult to make correct choices and judgments. I made a choice between hesitation and the opposite result.
The theory of mind is called cognitive dissonance. At this time, people have an instinctive psychological habit and begin to defend themselves. In the first case, you can only acquiesce in the facts and actions, and then find the reason. I can't change it because of external factors, not because of my internal incompetence. Similar to "sour grapes", Ah Q "spiritual victory method".
In the second case, I agree with the behavior, and then find reasons to show that my choice and judgment are correct, similar to "self-fulfilling prophecy."
Have you found a psychological secret, a subversive cognition: "Behavior changes attitude". In life, you have made choices and judgments, which are not "desirable and rational", but after you made them, you went on to make a 180 degree turn, and even spoke confidently, bringing countless reasons to prove that your choice judgment is correct.
The most attractive aspect of social animals is that people need to think that they are perfect and rational-and this need often leads to our behavior being neither perfect nor rational.
You like a person, saying how I like you, how I like you, how I am, how excellent and useless, depends on how your actual behavior is implemented; Don't just talk about falling in love, you should act in fact, and actions are more convincing than words. Because behavior changes a person's attitude.
Desi effect, children play, the elderly can not rest. He wants to change this rule, and it's no use reasoning. Implement the behavior, reward it, and then gradually reduce and ban it. Children resign and leave, and their behavior changes a person's attitude.
It seems difficult to understand the truth. In a more popular understanding, experience changes your cognition, and then changes your behavior. The story of "The child climbed over the wall to play games in the middle of the night and accidentally found his father who gave himself living expenses during the day, because he missed the bus back to his hometown and stayed in the corridor downstairs" is the most typical, because this is his personal experience and experience. As the saying goes, "If you are near Zhu Zhechi, you will be black if you are near Mexico", and so is the historical story "Meng Mu moved three times". The "touching machine" link of habit principle refers to the influence of environmental factors. Model demonstration is also an intangible and subtle environmental impact. Say it a thousand times, it is better to set an example. Your actions will affect the change of children's cognitive behavior, and your actions are far more convincing than yours.
Once again, the change of cognition and behavior is not the opposition of communication and reason between the two contradictory parties, but the help of a third party. Such as marital conflicts and quarrels. This couple is definitely "diamond cut diamond". If they talk alone with the help of a third party, it is not only smoother, but also easier to accept. Such is the education of children. Children like to communicate with people they respect or who understand psychology, and are willing to listen or change.
Third, don't try to change your perception of desire. Human desire follows the characteristics of physiological needs, that is, the characteristics of human common psychological needs, which is consistent with Maslow's theory of hierarchical seeking. Of course, pursuing advantages and avoiding disadvantages may also be the desire and demand for entertainment, forming bad behavior habits; It may also be pleasure, positive wishes and needs, and form good behavior habits. Bad behavior habits, we hope to change; Good behavior habits, we hope to maintain.
Don't change your wishes, but realize them. A successful persuader will not try to change others' wishes, but will show the lizard inside a more effective way to teach him to realize his own wishes. Many rebellious students drop out of school because they can't stand the control of the school. If you tell him that the control of the school and parents is also for your own good, it will definitely have no effect. If you obey his wishes, tell him, I know you don't want to be taken care of. Now there is a way to get rid of this situation as soon as possible, and that is to graduate as soon as possible. If you can't graduate, you will probably continue to ask your family to support you, and you will have to be taken care of by your family for a few more years.
Don't try to suppress your ideal wishes, put your preferences, feelings and wishes in the present, and it's useless to reason with him right away. A case study of "parents' cognitive thoughts on educating children accepted by consulting institutions" (omitted). Have a deep understanding of educational consultation. Parents come to do educational consultation. You said that children's education follows the principle of "planting trees for ten years and educating people for a hundred years", but he didn't listen. You said that children's habits are difficult to change, not for a while, he wouldn't listen. If you say, I have a way to change my child's bad habits, and I have a way to improve my child's grades, now, I believe him and like to listen. I often put people's psychological needs for entrepreneurship, growth and success; Including parents' educational expectation of quick success and instant benefit, it can be summarized as "three ones": becoming famous in one fell swoop; Get rich overnight; One step into the sky. If you do something you like and promise to help realize this wish, he is most willing to not think deeply about whether it can be realized for the time being. You don't think this is objective, but it is so strange.
What can we do? We can only try to build a platform, create an environment, create a situation, set up a field for children to practice and experience, help realize their wishes, or change their inherent cognition in the process of trial and error. There is no other way. This is education.