How do parents educate their children about love 1? Analyze the current situation of love in contemporary family education in China.
1. 1 Misunderstanding of love in family education.
First, spoil. Parents love their children too much. In order to win their children's favor, they will satisfy whatever their children ask, even if it is unreasonable. In life, parents do everything. What about children? Clothes to reach out, rice to mouth? . In this way, children will eventually develop a willful, unreasonable and self-centered character.
Second, laissez-faire. This type of parents, ideologically? Trees are naturally straight, and children grow up? . They turn a blind eye to their children's shortcomings and mistakes, let themselves go, put the task of educating children in society, and take providing for their lives as their only task. This leads to children being unruly, rude and causing trouble everywhere.
Third, autocracy. Such parents worry about their children's problems, don't listen to their wishes and demands, and only discipline their children according to their own subjective wishes. As a result, children lack autonomy, and everything is cautious and timid.
Fourth, the cold type. Because the husband and wife are divorced or busy at work, no one cares about their children, and they can't get the love and education they deserve, and they can't get the warmth of their families. Children who grow up in this family environment are easy to be jealous, uncooperative, withdrawn and indifferent.
Problems in the education of love.
First, ignore children's needs for love as individuals in life.
First of all, the child is an independent individual and a person with an independent personality. In real life, a considerable number of parents mistakenly believe that everything about their children belongs to their parents, and that children should listen to their parents in everything they do. They often plan their children's future independently regardless of their wishes, forcing them to carry out overloaded directional education, thus depriving them of the right to solve problems independently and choose the development path, leaving them in a passive position. Secondly, independent individuals do not mean that parents can ignore them.
Rousseau, a French thinker and educator, once said: The most dangerous period of life is from birth to 12 years old. During this period, if you don't take measures to destroy all kinds of mistakes and bad habits, they will sprout and grow, so that when you take measures to change them later, they will take root and sprout, so that they will never be uprooted. ? Teenagers are most likely to be imitated and hinted, with low self-regulation ability, lack of ability to distinguish right from wrong and weak willpower. Long-term laissez-faire will make them get into bad habits, and the loneliness of the soul will make them have all kinds of abnormal mentality. Finally, independent individuals have the need for love.
Children are independent individuals, and like everyone who lives in this world, they all have the desire for love and the need to be cared for, loved, trusted and respected. When these needs are met, children will have positive emotions and work hard. Parental care and attention can make children feel safe and trusting, and make children feel that their parents are the people who love them the most. Family will always be their warmest, safest and most unforgettable place. On the contrary, the lack of love will lead to the deviation of individual development, even pathological personality and abnormal psychology. Many examples have proved that most of the problems of adolescent tragedy are caused by his parents' lack of care and respect in his childhood.
Second, replace rational love education with personal experience.
Gorky said that it is important to love your children, even hens, and educate them. Undoubtedly, every parent in the world loves their children, which is determined by their blood relationship. But this instinctive spontaneous love often falls into a misunderstanding. Nowadays, many parents don't understand real education, and many of their practices are taken for granted, instead of starting from the laws of education and the laws of children's physical and mental development. ? Are we doing this for your own good? Do domestic parents often say that their starting point may be in the process of educating their children? Kind? But good intentions may not be rewarded. Every child is different. Parents should first understand their children, which varies from person to person and cannot be subjective. The wrong way of education will make children feel at a loss, lose themselves and even go in the opposite direction.
Third, replace the experience of love with simple preaching.
There is an old saying? Do you suffer if you don't listen to the old man? . Most parents think that they are experienced and hope that their children will not have to go through the pain or adventure they have found, so they often tell their children? You want to do this, but you can't do that? Equal word. But? Say it as light as water three times? Endless preaching often leads to hearing fatigue and even extreme boredom. Barrett said that one can only learn through life, not through reasoning. Curiosity is a child's nature. He wants to try it himself. If parents tie their children's hands and feet, they will repeat the study? Can't you? Children's psychology will change from guilt to anxiety, and they will feel impatient, disgusted and disgusted with their parents' preaching. If you are? Urgent? What will they produce? Do I have to do this? Rebellious psychology and behavior.
2. The problems of love education in contemporary China family education have their roots.
2. 1 The influence of negative factors in traditional family education.
First of all, when I was a child's father? It is the moral standard of parent-child relationship in feudal society. It emphasizes that children should do their best to their parents? Filial piety? , right? Filial piety? What is the explanation? No violations? In other words, the father of the child has absolute authority at home, and the child must obey absolutely. This kind of education mode emphasizes parents' will blindly, completely ignores children's independent will, and stifles children's creative spirit and sound personality. Secondly, China's traditional way of family education is to guide the next generation with the traditional ideal personality model.
2.2 The double shackles of rationalism and utilitarianism.
Parents value wisdom more than morality, knowledge instillation more than personality development, words more than examples, criticism more than punishment, patience more than encouragement, and formal training more than practice. In order to make children get high marks, focus on key points, pay too much attention to intellectual training and ignore inner experience.
3. Some suggestions to improve the education of love in family education
3. 1 Respect the child's personality.
In family education, parents are neither dictators nor slaves, but should be children's mentors. Only when parents respect their children, their personality and their choices will children know how to respect others when they grow up. To respect children, the first thing is to treat children as equals with us. Only children with the same education have the most balanced mentality. If children are equal, they will not be excluded, there will be no distance between parents and children, and there will be no condescending orders and instructions from parents.
Secondly, we should respect children's independence and privacy. Independence and privacy are important components of a person's sound personality. If independence is harmed, children will become more and more opinionated. When people pry into their privacy, children will feel embarrassed and find it difficult to be human. Finally, we should respect children's ideas and don't misinterpret them at will. Thought is a person's soul. Respecting children's thoughts is the highest reward for children.
3.2 Increase communication with children.
What questions do parents like to ask their children now? Did you eat well? Are you dressed warmly? , or? What did you learn today? What's the exam score? Wait a minute. But how many parents care about whether their children are happy today, what puzzles and troubles they have encountered? Some parents think that children are too young to communicate emotionally, but in fact, two-month-old children have emotional orientation. John guttman, a French psychologist, once called for parents to regard emotional communication as a daily necessity from the day their children were born. ?
Therefore, parents should never think that infants are like pets, as long as they are fed and warm. Children are independent individuals, and their emotional needs are just like crops need sunshine. Without it, they will be malnourished. Parents should always pay attention to their children's joys and sorrows, and listening is the basis of understanding. Patiently listening to children's conversations is an important way to get into their hearts.
3.3 Set an example and give play to the exemplary role of parents.
Parents' words and deeds have a subtle influence on their children all the time. As the saying goes? Sneak into the night with the wind, moisten things silently? . Children's intonation, movements, personality and morality will be branded by their parents. Infants and teenagers, in particular, are curious and like to imitate, and their parents' words and deeds will leave a deep impression on them.
In order to educate children well, parents must set an example, and parents must first do what they are asked to do. Parents should be strict with themselves in everything and set a good example for their children. Whether the needs of love are met or not has an important influence on children's psychological development. Individuals can only grow up healthily and happily in a loving family. Parents should not only protect their children's material life, but also pay attention to their spiritual life, their inner world and communicate with them sincerely. Only in this way can we build a benign family education and provide a good family education environment for the healthy growth of children.
Shall we practice together? Love? Helping children grow up in an all-round way is not only the responsibility of parents, but also the obligation of citizens. The education of love is quality education, which affects children's life and the future of the country.