Sometimes parents cannot create an accurate value orientation for their children because they are interfered by their children's contradictory overall goals. Calvin's situation is like this. On campus, he fights with classmates from time to time. At first, his family didn't know what to do about this kind of thing, because we hoped he would have the strength to defend himself, but we were worried that he would be expelled from school if he played again.

So they deal with the overall goal contradiction like this: it is stipulated that Calvin can not fight at school, but if he is yelled at, he can fight back at the provocateur on his way home from class. The other has two kinds of values. They can only decide which value orientation is more important in some situations. Carla's parents think that 5-year-old Carla is a curious child, and they want to encourage her interest in solving problems.

However, Carla damaged many of her parents' furniture and other items in practice, and her parents were very unhappy about it. When dealing with this contradiction, they have no choice but to define their "thirst for knowledge", which is the greatest significance of their daily life at home. They decided that from now on, only some parts of the family were allowed to explore, and the rest were not within the scope of exploration. In this way, the two values are balanced.

In this case, what should the child do when the father or mother disagree on what to do? It is important for parents to sit down and check what they say to their children. It often happens that one of the parents says to the child, "tidy up your room, it's too messy." Later, the other side of mom and dad said, "Let him go, he is still a child." Naturally, after weighing the general information expressed by the father or mother, the child determines that he does not need to tidy the room. Obviously, what exists in such a scene is that one of the parents offsets the harm of the other.

It is often the case that the "injured party" of mom and dad bears a grudge against the other party's important things. Obviously, the children in these examples are often exposed to contradictory data. In that case, their behavior can't satisfy both father and mother. He must decide which side to listen to. This has an impact on children, because children must and want to be praised by their parents. In these cases, the only solution is that the father or mother allows the other party to make demands on the behavior of the children she (or she) cares about.

However, this means that the father or mother must make such a choice: it is clear which actions the child takes are insignificant and meaningless, and which actions the father or mother thinks are quite important. In other words, the father or mother must respect each other's requirements for their children, so that students will not influence each other and offset each other's requirements for their children. It is natural that two people living together will inevitably have different ideas about what their children should or should not do.

In the end, this contradiction can not only become the root of the contradiction, but also allow parents to create goals for their children. For example, mothers are likely to pay attention to their children's academic performance, and fathers may pay attention to their children's obligations at home. Parents put a lot of hope on babies who grow up in this environment. However, if this expectation is real life, then the situation of this child is much better than that of a child who doesn't know what to do. After all, for the latter, pleasing one parent is not to make the other unhappy.