Note: I wrote an article before, saying that children should not live in a beautiful and pure fairy tale world in family education. I have some feelings about the tragedy that happened during this period, which caused a mother and three children to be burned alive by arson, so I want to talk about my thoughts on this topic again.
Many of our parents, in my opinion, have a misunderstanding, that is, they all want their children to live in a simple and beautiful world, and they are also consciously and unconsciously trying to create a beautiful and simple environment for their children. However, when we live in this world, the most direct and inevitable thing is to face all kinds of complicated human nature.
And this kind of human nature is precisely the ugliest and most difficult to grasp. If parents always avoid this question and deliberately let their children live in a beautiful illusion, then the consequences and costs are that ignorant and unprepared children will learn to discover and understand human nature at the expense of everything they have.
Is this generation valuable? Not worth it, not worth it at all!
1. How much does it take to face up to human nature?
These days, a news stung people's eyes and hearts: a nanny set fire to the hostess and her three children and burned them alive at home.
This kind of news makes people sad, especially seeing the dignified mother and three innocent and lovely children in the photo and the heartbroken father at the scene. It can be said that life is only one step from heaven to hell. In an instant, I collapsed.
It also made the onlookers particularly angry: Why are the perpetrators so mad, and do they have any mortal enemies with the victims?
However, the fact surprised the people who took it for granted. Friends around the victim said: The Lins are really kind to her. With a monthly salary of 7500, I lent her100000 to buy a house, and often let her drive a BMW to buy food. After discovering that she stole hundreds of thousands of watches and belongings, she still said to her: Don't do this, you can tell us if you are short of money.
In this regard, some people commented: this is the real version of the farmer and the snake.
The farmer helped the snake, but it killed him.
And I want to say that the root of this tragedy is: ignoring human nature and ignoring the evil of human nature.
Greed, selfishness, pushing your luck, these can be said to be the most basic human nature of each of us, and the difference is only in the degree of each person.
Because everything has two sides and people are no exception. There are good people and bad people. And there are no absolute things in the world, and there are many gray areas in the middle. Similarly, one can't simply say yes or no, it can be said that everyone has selfishness. How heavy selfishness is and where it is used are the main criteria for judging a person's quality.
Some netizens commented on this matter:
Indeed, I found that most people, whether in our family, school or even society, are trying their best to create a simple and beautiful world for their children, trying their best to make them believe that the world is beautiful, and people should have the heart to think about it. Even if others' good deeds cannot be repaid, at least they have a clear conscience.
In fact, it just ignores a very important and crucial question: is the other party worth paying?
And the above education is that no matter whether the other person is worth paying, I have paid, I am kind, and I have a clear conscience.
And as long as you are kind, good people will be rewarded.
If not, at least I am a kind person and I have done my duty.
Its premise is that most people in this world are good people and worth paying for. And if you happen to meet an unlucky person, you can only blame luck. It's your bad luck to accidentally meet scum. But most people are good people worth paying for.
Is that so? Of course not. Because evil is a part of this world, there is no evil, only good, which can only be an ideal world, not a real and complete world.
Therefore, in terms of children's education, it is necessary to restore a real world to children as much as possible. Otherwise, in the process of growing up, children have to learn how to recognize this real and complex world at the expense of everything they have over and over again.
This price is very huge, just like the tragedy above.
Second, how important it is for children to understand human nature earlier!
All along, our education has neglected the education about human nature, which has reduced our children's vigilance and defensiveness.
It turns out that I wrote an article in the form of telling stories to teach children how to guard against strangers or even acquaintances with ulterior motives.
After the article was published, I saw a reader leave a message: If the child is so young, tell him about the bad side of human nature, will it hurt the child's young and simple mind?
Some readers left me a message: there are still many good people in this world, and it is a bit biased to tell children about the bad aspects of human nature.
In this regard, I want to talk about my own ideas.
First of all, human nature is complicated.
Human nature, invisible and intangible, only exists in the invisible. As the saying goes, "the heart is separated from the belly", and we can only judge and infer a person's quality through daily behavior.
Human nature is varied and uneven, and there is no absolute standard. Moreover, human nature has both good and evil, and even a person has both good and evil. Moreover, the angle and degree of good and evil in each human nature are different.
Therefore, as parents, we should impart these experiences and knowledge to our children as soon as possible, and make full preparations for their children to enter the society in the future, including avoiding injuries and less injuries during their growth.
People who live in this world are doomed to deal with all kinds of human nature inevitably.
Each of us is a member of society. From birth to death, we are doomed to deal with all kinds of human nature around us inevitably.
Even if you are protected by your parents, you will inevitably be watched and even hurt by the animals around you.
Therefore, it is actually very important to understand human nature from an early age and be alert to others. Especially the weaker you are, the more you should be vigilant.
Treat and treat human nature with an objective and rational attitude.
Human nature is good? In fact, human nature should have both good and evil. No matter which side you agree with, it is only one-sided. Apply an objective and rational attitude to look at and treat.
Our family, school and society are sparing no effort to treat the good side of human nature. But for the evil side of human nature, it is often hidden, for fear of hurting children's young and simple hearts.
Let's not talk about the good side of human nature here Let's just say that among the evils of human nature, the most common ones are:
Like selfishness.
I once saw a news that an old man sexually assaulted a neighbor's child who was only over two years old. The victim's family was extremely angry: How could you do such a outrageous thing? Your granddaughter is also over two years old. Be a man, care about your heart!
What's the answer to criminals who commit animal behavior?
"Why? Because that's your granddaughter, and because that's my granddaughter! "
This is the difference, and this is the selfishness implied in human nature. He can hurt others without conscience, but he will never hurt what belongs to him.
Like greed.
Shakespeare once said: lend money to your friends and you may lose them.
Why?
Because greed and pushing your luck are human nature!
Just like the old woman in The Fisherman and the Goldfish, the more things she gets, the less satisfied she is.
There is another saying in our country: prosper rice and fight rice. In other words, it is necessary to be temperate and not excessive in giving favors to others, otherwise it will cause people's greed.
Cong Fei, for example.
Cong Fei sponsored a group of students, but later he became seriously ill and was admitted to the hospital. The parents of the students called not to be grateful, but to ask him when he could leave the hospital to make money and remit money. And confidently said, "Didn't you say that you would provide for my children to graduate from college?" He's in junior high school now, so you won't give him money? Aren't you lying? "
This is human nature, greed and pushing your luck.
Evil is also a part of the world, a part of human nature. If we blindly pay attention to and publicize the good, but ignore and cover up the evil, it is a deviation in itself.
You can't harm people's hearts, and you can't be defensive-this enduring old saying of our predecessors just shows how necessary it is to face up to the evil of human nature.
And this is also the attitude that predecessors respected for the two most basic good and evil of human nature, that is, don't hurt people's hearts, and don't be hard to prevent.
Therefore, to educate and guide children, understand the world, and understand the real human nature, we must present this objective and real world to them as much as possible.
Moreover, children are small and weak in all aspects, so they should be more defensive.
Third, a person's maturity begins from the moment he understands human nature.
A person, living in this world, must understand human nature, gain insight into human nature and know the essence of human nature if he wants to walk well. Only in this way, we will not be harmed by human nature because of blindness and ignorance-this should be part of parents' intentional and attentive teaching during their children's growth.
The reality is just the opposite, which is really sad and costly.
In many comments on nanny arson, the author's views on some articles are consistent with mine, that is, to understand the cause of this tragedy, we must understand human nature.
Therefore, some readers expressed their views after the article from the perspective of whether to hire a nanny:
And was immediately refuted by the author:
That's true. A person's maturity begins from the moment he understands human nature. Only by understanding human nature can we avoid being hurt by human nature.
Because each of us is a member of society, our parents can't be in Pope Pius, and they can't always be with us. Even if our young children are still under the protection of their parents, they will inevitably have the opportunity to deal with all kinds of human nature.
Therefore, it is necessary and vital to understand human nature.
Moreover, in a certain way, only by looking at the overall situation can a person walk smoothly and comfortably. Otherwise, it is easy to be blind because of ignorance and little knowledge, and learn to understand this aspect objectively and completely at the expense of many setbacks.
So is human nature. When we understand and comprehend the essence of human nature, we will naturally be more rational, calm and confident in interpersonal communication.
A reader left a message:
You are absolutely right. Understanding human nature is an essential and important lesson for our children in the process of growth and family education!
Postscript:
In Bandura's "social learning theory", there is an important concept of "observational learning" (also called "alternative learning"), that is, people can think about external things by manipulating symbols and predict the possible results of behavior without actual experience.
The same is true in a person's growth process. Many times, we don't have to experience it personally, and we can understand the true meaning and connotation of a thing at the cost of blood and tears. The key is to learn to think, think positively, see the essence through observation and through the surface of things, so that you will naturally understand many things.
So is human nature. In the process of educating their children, parents should not only actively let them face up to the ugliness of human nature in the world, but also encourage and guide them to think. Why is a person like this? What are the causes and consequences of this behavior? Why did it come to this? In this way, after listening and watching for a long time, children naturally understand what human nature is and learn how to face it.