Usually when it comes to violence, the first thing people think of is violence in the family, that is, physical abuse. Then what is "soft violence"? "Soft violence", also known as mental violence, is a way to attack children through mental injury, which is the most common in parent-child relationship.
1, cold to children
Some parents treat their children like their own children, with little praise and encouragement, and they are not as caring and considerate as other parents in daily life. Once their children have any problems, they will be severely punished. Perhaps this is a way for parents to discipline their children, but in the long run, it will only make them sensitive and introverted.
Step 2 pass the buck to each other
Shifting the buck is also a common situation in family "soft violence". When children have any problems that need to be solved by their parents, parents will not try to solve them at the first time, but pass the buck to each other. You push it to me and I'll give it to you. It is the responsibility of both parents to accompany their children. If only one parent bears it, it is likely to evolve into "widowed parenting".
3, rarely praise children, the implementation of suppression education.
Although every family has its own way of educating its children, it must be strict and kind. Some parents, deeply influenced by traditional education, are afraid that praise will make their children proud, so they have been practicing "cracking down on education". Even if their children get good grades, they are stingy with praise and even compare their children with other children. This may be just a way to motivate children in the eyes of parents, but it will only hurt children's self-confidence in the long run.
4. They are busy with their own affairs and lack the company of their children.
Nowadays, electronic products are more and more developed, and many novel and interesting software have appeared. It's not that parents don't have the right to enjoy life, but have you ever thought about whether you neglect to accompany your children because you play mobile phones? Sometimes children may just want to play games with their parents, but parents usually just perfunctory, which is not a harm to each other's parent-child relationship.
To sum up, "soft violence" does great harm to children, but some parents still try this method again and again. Although this method is effective quickly, for children, when they accept their parents' bad emotions, they will have negative thoughts such as "Do parents dislike me" and "Am I really bad", which is the common "emotional blackmail" in parent-child relationship.
Parents should not be emotionally blackmailed. Parents are the closest people to their children. It is extremely unfair to children to use their feelings to realize their emotional blackmail.
One: bravely face cold violence
When cold violence is found in family life, especially don't panic, learn to face up to it in life. Think about what this kind of verbal violence is made of. Because children are in a weak position, sometimes parents' language expression does not seriously consider the way of expression, and the criticism and characterization of children are always inadvertently amplified. Therefore, when soft violence appears, we must examine ourselves in time and reflect on whether our language organization is improper.
Second, look for reasons and breakthroughs from inside and outside.
"Soft violence" in the family is often caused by internal and external reasons, that is, parents expect too much from their children or their children's performance fails to achieve the expected results. So family education needs the whole family to promote it. Unilateral efforts and efforts can not promote anything. Both parents need to work together to make their children better.
Third, strengthen communication and exchanges with children.
Parents can use the usual fragmentation time to give their children enough companionship, not necessarily parent-child games, but effective communication, listen carefully to their children's ideas and understand what their children need. Let children feel that they are loved. After all, there is no substitute for the love of relatives.
Fourth, encourage and praise children more.
Many parents are afraid that praise and encouragement will make their children lose their direction, but appropriate encouragement will make their children more motivated to learn and feel that their efforts have been seen.
In the parent-child relationship, children are not the accessories of anyone, but also have their own ideas and opinions. Therefore, when educating children, we should avoid the harm caused by this kind of violence and try our best to give them a good growth environment.