Then I stopped and found a little secret.
......
When I became a mother, I had a positive side. I told myself that children need tolerance, words and deeds, and timeliness. Parents' words and deeds will become the benchmark for their children.
I also have a negative side. When you don't control your emotions, you will growl. I hate it when children say, "Damn mom, bad mother. Hmm. " These words. When the child doesn't express himself, but mumbles with his mouth, the inexplicable fire comes up directly and wants to hit someone.
I am not a saint. I was angry and lost my temper.
Especially when my sister was over 3 years old, she cried without saying a word. Her mood is like an uncontrolled faucet, and she wants to hit someone.
I find that I am sometimes an eloquent debater, and I can set rules for my children by taking cultural classes in kindergarten. No matter how big things can be tolerated, no matter how small things will be blown up.
The "planned education" established before the child was over 3 years old collapsed, which made me wonder if I was a good mother.
When did you start to doubt yourself? That was when I gave birth to Bauer. Dabao pays attention to Bo by crying, cares about Bo by begging, and cares about Bo by "robbing mom and dad".
Dabao and Bauer in every family get along differently. I suggest that if Bauer is really needed, it is more appropriate to have a brother or sister when the child is 5 years old.
I am a reflective mother who can face up to the right behavior and wrong behavior.
I have always believed that I am good at accepting self-doubt, can take action to change, and never worry about whether I am a good mother.
It is because I want to do better that I keep reflecting, but I often feel guilty, painful and depressed. I want to make my children better, but I can't be tortured by this repressed pain.
Remember, you must tell yourself: don't feel guilty for too long, let yourself go, let the children go. When I can realize that something is wrong, I will definitely lay a solid foundation in my child's early childhood through ideological awareness and action changes.
Why are we so naive? There are two main reasons.
1. The child is against your will.
In my relationship with children, I like to agree on things best. If the agreed things can be done by children, I think we can achieve the goal of unification.
Children are unreasonable and get angry easily. People can't be calm when their emotions break out and want to call names.
2. Children want to play, but you don't.
For example. I don't let the children play, but the children play secretly. As a result, clothes are dirty, water may spill all over the floor, and flour may fall all over the floor.
Watching a child look innocently into your eyes, do you want to laugh or curse?
At the beginning, I couldn't understand why the children kept saying the words "smelly mother, bad mother", and sometimes even argued with them: I am a smelly mother, then you are a smelly child. The smelly mother gave birth to your smelly child.
As you can imagine, the result is an unhappy ending. But I don't usually regard it as a real quarrel. I give my children a step, and they usually make up. The most taboo is that after the quarrel, the child talks to you and you love to ignore it.
At what age will children express their dissatisfaction with things? I observed it carefully: since the child was 4 years old.
Children before the age of 3 are easy to coax. You told her there was no food, and she believed you. She wants to go out to play, but you don't want to go out. You tell her to go tomorrow, maybe she will agree. She is crying because of something. If you eat a lollipop, she may get better.
Four-year-olds are different Compared with 3-year-old children, they began to have self-awareness and gained ideas about the outside world. They began to know some words called feelings.
He felt unhappy because you didn't satisfy him, but he didn't know how to express it. He can only tell you how he feels by crying. He is hungry. You want to eat after lunch, he just wants to eat, crying to attract attention and feelings.
I finally know that adults are constantly using their external performance to gain experience in getting along with children. If parents are educated, they will think about the true meaning and reach empathy with their children.
I am a teacher and a mother. Naturally, when children often express "smelly mother, bad mother", I will look at her head-on and look at her until her tone becomes more and more peaceful.
Remember: when children express similar words, they must pay attention to their feelings.
The book "You are a child's best toy" is very good. It uses many examples to tell parents that the words that children learn before the age of 4 need to be taught to feel words in addition to the nouns of mom and dad.
For example: angry, sad, wronged, afraid, happy, happy, excited, helpless. We should often play word games with children, let them know these feelings and express them appropriately.
A good mother is a teacher who guides children's feelings, is the beginning of teaching children the ability to express themselves, and is the beginning of helping children move towards a "small society (kindergarten, community)".
When children say things like "smelly mother, bad mother" or cry, mothers should not immediately deny their children's feelings, but calm down, don't be angry, don't be sarcastic, and wait until the children stop crying before talking to them.
Before, a mother asked: then my child can't communicate, so he must cry for half an hour or more 1 hour. Do you still want him to cry? My answer is: keep making him cry. Put him in a room and just say: You cry now, and your mother can't communicate with you. I'll talk to you after you cry.
Children cry, except when they are in conflict with friends, and they must want to achieve some purpose. Therefore, the rules you agreed with your children before must not be broken.
My sister is 5 years old and 5 months old now. I still remember when she was 4 -5 years old, she really had a fight with her.
For example, we said that the good TV would watch until nine o'clock. If I forgot to call a time-out because I was watching my mobile phone, she would definitely watch the morning. When you call a time-out, she will ask your opinion again: Mom, watch another episode. I haven't finished watching this episode yet.
It's terrible. The first time you promised her, the second time you want to break up with her, she will definitely say, Mom, you showed it to me yesterday.
Match words with deeds, first do it yourself.
When the child has finished crying, we will go in to see her. Communication is very important.
1. indicates understanding.
You said: I know you still want to see it. You must be very wronged when mom didn't show it to you. I usually do this. As soon as I said it, my sister cried even harder. )
I went on to say: You cried so loudly because your mother was right and you were wronged, right? My sister usually says: Yes.
Next, go down the steps. I said, come on, let me hug you. You can cry if you want.
You don't meet your child's demands and ideas, and you think it's his fault. You can't help making him cry. Crying is also an outlet.
2. Tell him the rules and teach him the methods.
Tell him the rules after holding the baby. I usually say, well, stop crying. Then let's see what just happened. Because mom called a timeout, but you still want to watch TV. You didn't give me a reason, nor did you seek a better solution. You started crying, and the more you cried, the worse you cried. Is this right? Sister doesn't talk at ordinary times.
I suggest that if you really insist on doing your thing, you need to put forward your plan instead of crying all the time. Is it okay?
As long as I meet something my sister wants to do, I will practice through many events. Finally, one day, she put forward her own ideas.
Here's the thing. Originally promised to let her watch TV at home, dad said to go out to the supermarket. It's late after shopping in the supermarket. I need to sleep. My sister began to cry and said, mom, didn't you just promise to play with me?
I said: Did you just go to the supermarket? Did you spend your time there? So, I won't play with word baby today.
She opened her mouth and wanted to cry. I will guide her. If you really want to read word Baby, you must find a way. She said, mom, let's play with words less and spend less time reading the Tao Te Ching.
I said, yes. Congratulations on finding a way to convince mom. This kind of behavior is quite right, and behavior like crying is absolutely wrong. Go ahead, play with words, baby.
Really, while accompanying your children, you are also cultivating yourself. Try it if you don't believe me.
I am very happy to say: It is because of the participation of two little guys that I understand more: education does not happen overnight, it takes time, patience and learning.
Children cry in order to achieve their goals, many of them are unconscious and don't know how to express them in words. We can't look at children with the eyes of adults, let ourselves be more tolerant, study with children and cultivate ourselves together.
Later, I liked to hear the words "smelly mother, bad mother", because I knew she was expressing her feelings, and I needed to empathize with his feelings.