How can parents not encourage their children's lies? mp3

1 1:59

Come to the island of consciousness

Clue:

When children lie, are our reactions hysterical, very angry and full of all kinds of preaching? Do parents often play the role of detectives and prosecutors?

Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? Many children's lies are inspired by their parents. How to face and deal with children's lies?

Hi! Dear friends of the island parents group: Good morning, everyone! I'm Mr. Xiong, the island owner of Awareness Island. In today's theme of parents' family education, the topic I want to share with my island relatives is: How can parents not encourage their children's lies?

Parents get angry when their children tell lies, especially when the lies are obvious and clumsy. When the child insisted that he didn't touch the painting, or that he didn't steal chocolate, his shirt and face were covered with evidence. It really makes people angry to hear such a lie. But many times, parents should actually calm down and think about it. Many children's lies are inspired by their parents. For more topics about educating children and women's growth, please pay attention to the service number of Awareness Island on WeChat. Let's be energy parents together, work hard, shine on children, come on!

Parents should not ask questions that may lead to defensive lying. Children hate being asked by their parents, especially when they suspect that their parents already know the answer. They hate the problem of setting traps and those that force them to choose between clumsy lies and embarrassing confessions.

Here is an example. Seven-year-old Kun Wang broke his brand-new toy pickup truck. He was frightened at once and hid all the pieces under the bed. When his father found the fragments of the truck, he was very angry and asked Kun Wang several questions, which eventually led to a fierce quarrel between his father and Kun Wang. Dad was very angry and asked, "Where's your new truck?" Kun Wang replied: "It should be somewhere!"

Dad asked again, "I didn't see you play?" Kun Wang replied, "I don't know where it is?" Dad then said sternly, "Go and have a look. I want to have a look. I just bought you a new toy." Kun Wang then said to his father, "Well, maybe someone stole the truck." Dad was very angry when he heard Kun Wang's answer. You fucking lying child, don't think that you can get away with breaking the truck. If there is anything I hate, what I hate most is a liar. At this time, an unnecessary war began.

Should not play the role of detective and prosecutor.

Kun Wang's father should not secretly play the role of detective and prosecutor, nor should he call his son a lying child. If Kun Wang's father tells his son, "Kun Wang, I see your new truck broke down. That truck is really not funny. Maybe you didn't protect it either. What a pity! Quite expensive! I think you like it, too You should be very upset now? "

I think any child may learn a more valuable lesson when he hears his father talk like this. The lesson is that the child will realize that his father can understand me and I can tell him what I have done. I really need to take good care of my gifts in the future. I should play with my toys carefully. Toys are also quite expensive, and it is not easy for my parents to buy them for me. So I want to say that it is not a good idea for parents to ask questions that have already been answered.

For example, many of our parents look at the messy room and ask, "I asked you to clean the room. Did you clean it?" Or knowing that my daughter obviously didn't go to school today, I continued to ask, "Did you go to school today?" It would be better if he was really found playing truant. See that your room has not been cleaned, or you can say, "I heard from your class teacher that you played truant today." Let's think about why children lie. Sometimes they lie because they are not allowed to tell the truth.

Let me give you another example. Four-year-old William rushed into the bedroom angrily and complained to his mother, "I hate grandma." His mother was taken aback and replied, "no, you don't hate grandma, you love grandma." In this family, we don't hate grandma, who brought you up, gave you gifts and took you out to play. How can you say such terrible things and say that you hate your grandmother? " At this time, William still insisted: "No, I just hate her! I never want to see her again! " This time, my mother is really unhappy. My mother decided to change to a more intense way of education. She hit William, and William didn't want to be punished any more, so he changed his mind. William said, "Mom, I really love Grandma." How did mom respond? When William said, "Mom, I really love my grandma", my mother gave William a big hug and said, "Ah! Baby! You are a good boy, and you know how to be grateful. And kissed the baby.

So, what will young William learn from this change? To tell the truth, it is very dangerous to tell your mother what you think. When you tell the truth, you will be punished. When you lie, you will get love. When you tell the truth, you will hurt others. So stay away from the truth. Mothers like children who lie. Mom only likes to listen to words that make people happy. Tell her what she wants to hear, no matter what you really think. If William's mother wants to teach William to tell the truth, how should she answer William's complaints to his grandmother? William's mother can admit William's unhappiness first and say, "Oh! You don't love grandma anymore! Can you tell mom what grandma did to make you angry? " At this time, William may answer, "She bought a gift for her brother, but she didn't give it to me."

In fact, children may have their own reasons for their dislike or dislike of grandma. If you want to educate your children to be honest, as parents, you should be psychologically prepared to listen to the truth and listen to the truth. If children want to be honest in the process of growing up, they must not be encouraged to hide their true thoughts, whether positive, negative or contradictory.

In fact, many times there is a truth hidden in children's lies. When telling the truth will be punished, children will of course defend themselves with lies. Sometimes they lie to make up for their shortcomings in reality with fantasy. Lies can tell you the truth of some children's own fears and hopes, and lies can reveal a person's hopes or unwanted wishes. To the ear that can distinguish right from wrong, a lie can reveal the true intention of a liar.

The rational way to treat a lie should be to understand his true intentions, not to deny his intentions or accuse the lying child. The information obtained from lies can help children distinguish between reality and hope. Therefore, our policies and ideas on children's lies should be clear. On the one hand, don't play the role of prosecutor, don't make children confess, and don't exaggerate the facts to make things big. On the other hand, don't beat around the bush and tell the truth.

For the rational treatment of lies, we must first express our understanding.

When we find that all the books borrowed by children from the library are overdue, we should not ask at this time: Have you returned the books to the library? Are you sure? Then why is it still on your desk? We should directly say to the children, "I think the books borrowed from your library are overdue, baby, please return them quickly." For example, when the school informs us that our children failed in math, we shouldn't ask, "Did you pass the math exam?" ? Are you sure? You lied this time, but it won't save you. We have talked to your teacher, and we know that you didn't do well in the exam. "

In fact, what we should tell the children directly is that the math teacher told us that you failed in the math exam. When we heard this, to be honest, we were sad, but at the same time we were worried. We don't know how to help you next semester.

After all, as parents, we must never motivate our children to lie defensively. We can't deliberately create opportunities for children to lie. When children lie, our response should not be hysterical or full of preaching, but practical. What we want our children to see is that we want them to know that there is no need to lie to their parents. Another way for parents to prevent their children from lying is to avoid asking why.

In fact, why was this word used in the trial before? For children, "why" means parents' disapproval, disappointment or unhappiness, which leads to some blamed memories in the past. Even a simple sentence, Why did you do this, may make children think: Why did you do such a stupid thing?

In fact, wise parents should avoid asking some hurtful questions. See if we often ask this question: Why are you so selfish? Why can't you remember what I told you? Why are you never on time? Why are you so disorganized? Why can't you shut up? Don't ask these unanswered rhetorical questions, but make a sympathetic and directional statement.

For example, if you can share it with your classmate, he will be very happy, and some things are hard to remember; I'm afraid you're late; What measures can you take to make your study more organized? I think you have many ideas and methods.

After all, when we lie to our children, your attitude and handling method will determine whether it is possible for children to get rid of this habit in the future.

In the spiritual world, let's be together forever!

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