This sentence comes from the thank-you part of Dr. Huang's thesis of Institute of Automation, China Academy of Sciences.
Dr. Huang entered the Institute of Automation, China Academy of Sciences on 20/4/KLOC to pursue his doctorate. 20 17 After graduating from the University of Chinese Academy of Sciences, he entered Tencent and worked as a senior researcher in Tencent Artificial Intelligence Laboratory. This widely forwarded thank-you is a thank-you for his 20 17 doctoral thesis.
In "Thanks", Dr. Huang reviewed his life before his doctoral graduation, which touched and inspired many people.
Dr. Huang is a typical poor child who changes his fate by reading.
He comes from a rural mountainous area. His mother left home in her early years, but her father didn't do his duty. He would steal the eels that the children caught to sell for tuition and sell them as his own snacks. Such a father died at the age of 17, and so did his mother-in-law (grandmother), who had been taking care of him. But he persisted on his own, with the warmth of good people on the road, walked out of the mountains and walked out of his own life.
In the case of Dr. Huang, we can see two very thought-provoking factors:
One factor is the unfair social structure. When some children are anxious about whether the food is organic or not in private schools with tuition of 35w, some children live in houses with leaking rain and make up their tuition by catching eel at night. As Dr. Huang said in his speech, he had to "try his best to win what others have in common." He said, "The suffering behind people can still be overcome, but the dignity in front of people is extremely fragile."
If structural unfairness can be eliminated, urban and rural children should be able to receive the same education and move freely. K- 12 education expenses should come from social support, and a child should not be allowed to catch eels.
The second factor is about the part that an individual can choose, that is, the individual's subjective initiative. In view of the limited changes in the foundation/structure of fate, what choices and changes can people make to save themselves?
In the field of sociology and psychology, when fate or social structure is unfair, the biggest point of debate is to change the environment or the individual.
Both can be changed, of course, is the ideal state.
However, before reaching a harmonious society, my attitude has always been: people are self-agents and have the freedom to choose. Try to change yourself when the environment cannot be changed. If you just expect others to change the system, it is easy to fall into the mentality of waiting for the savior. However, the ideal country will not appear in a short time. More importantly, it is easy to give up your right to choose by blaming all problems on external factors.
Of course, the environment or system needs to be changed, but it may change slowly. Save yourself before you have the environment you want. Save others and change the environment if you can.
Just like Dr. Huang at the beginning of the article, he got a bad hand, but he didn't give up and played his own game. Of course, in the face of the waves of fate, he may still have a lucky escape factor. However, from the perspective of individual subjectivity, I think Dr. Huang's case has a lot to learn from. I probably summed up three points:
1. Children from poor families should learn to create their own protective factors.
In psychology, caring parents, sufficient economic conditions and good physical condition are regarded as protective factors for a child's growth, and vice versa. Usually, if there are enough protective factors, children will not be destroyed even if they experience setbacks.
In Dr. Huang, what we see is a poor child who has no conditions to create conditions and wants to go to school in the absence of protective resources.
The following self-created methods are for your reference:
1) Have faith.
In Dr. Huang's thank-you letter, he said, "Faith is simple. Go out after reading the book. "
He didn't shy away from the misfortunes and hardships in life, and faced the difficult situation with a sober and practical attitude. I came into contact with computers in middle school and finally made it my lifelong career. He insisted on doing things well, which led to the present result.
2) Keep hope.
Hope is a more important quality than optimism.
It is found that hope is the main factor that constitutes psychological resilience. I hope it can help people overcome negative events in their lives, calm down when they encounter difficulties and consider more possibilities.
Dr. Huang said: "I will definitely face more complicated situations in the future, but because of these small things, I have the courage and patience to face any difficulties and challenges."
3) Be grateful and pay forward.
In the course of Dr. Huang's study, it was hard all the way, but there were also lucky moments when he met people who helped and supported him.
I guess part of the reason is because of his hard work, which makes him a "worthy person".
He thanked the computer enlightenment teacher, the school that exempted him from tuition, and the people who funded his living expenses. And said: "If you can do something to make other people's lives better, it will be a lifetime harvest. "
Gratitude is "the perception of beauty in life" and "the realization that beauty comes from outside ourselves". A man who has experienced suffering, when he is associated with greater goodness, his life is expanded.
2. Resources are both gifts and dangers.
I want to talk about how to use the ability of social support.
What is social support? Social support includes parents' social class, warm and cohesive childhood family environment, mutual understanding partners in marriage, or other "stable emotional relationships". Only when a person has these things can he have resources, and it is psychological resilience's ability to learn to recognize and use resources. When you have a lot of love and support, they can be a gift, privilege and danger.
Dr. Huang's social resources are very limited, even with many unfair elements, but he has made his own way.
However, some people come from families with very rich resources, but they can't make good use of their own resources and even become a burden. So there is a saying that three generations can't be rich. The general consensus is not to leave a lot of money for your children. Is a trust fund like Rockefeller or Rothschild a burden or a curse? Because you were born in a resource-rich place, you will take everything for granted and murder a lot of primitive and upward vitality.
In real life, we also see many people who seem to be rich in resources. They are not happy and have not achieved the success and life they want. Just as we said that "giant baby" and "harmful parents" are intertwined, in some families with rich material conditions, parents and children have not learned the ability to identify and internalize love, have no real empathy and altruism, and rich resources have become golden shackles.
3. Resilience helps self-repair.
There is a psychological concept that can help to understand Dr. Huang's ability, and that is: psychological resilience, or translated as resilience. * * * * Resilience refers to the ability to overcome adversity and finally get good adaptation.
Resilience is not only the algebraic sum of risk factors and guarantee factors. Resilience is like a branch with a fresh green core: when you step on it, the branch will bend, but it will bounce back.
It not only represents an indestructible and elastic ability, but also represents an ability to recover and grow again once it is broken.
Wisteria growing on the cliff is in full bloom.
With psychological resilience, young people with many unfavorable factors in life can have loving relationships and creative success, and a child who lacks opportunities may find a way out of life.
The pioneer researchers of resilience are psychologists Werner and Smith. They spent 40 years studying 698 children in Aiko Island, Hawaii, and the study lasted for 40 years from pregnancy.
These children come from families with problems, such as perinatal complications, at least one parent is mentally unhealthy or alcoholic, and the family is extremely poor.
Continuous follow-up research shows that one third of these children are still growing up healthily, optimistically and warmly, and have their own happy lives. Two psychologists call this restorative person "Mr. Eggshell". Mr eggshell is "sensitive, but indestructible". They also found that "Mr. Eggshell" has some characteristics, for example, they are humorous, caring for others (altruism), able to concentrate and control their own impulses, enterprising and witty.
There is also a very famous Gluck study in the United States, which focuses on poor families or young people with unfavorable family environment in Boston.
Professor George E. Vaillant, a psychologist at Harvard University, analyzed the development process of these children living in harsh and even adventurous environments in his book "Wisdom of Self". He found that some children, who overcame their physical (such as visual impairment) cognitive (IQ below 80) family resource constraints (mental illness of mother, alcoholism of father, and no one to take care of them when they were young), lived a decent life of self-sufficiency after 50 years, with stable jobs and close relationships.
Even the well-informed Professor George Vanant himself lamented: If I hadn't gone through 50 years of follow-up research, I would never have known how their lives would develop. Born to be broken, or just to be repaired. Self-wisdom provides an important resource for repair.
When analyzing these people who have overcome adversity, Professor George Vanant also summed up some elements, such as these people adopt some mature defense mechanisms, they have a sense of humor, are beneficial to his ideas, can control their impulses, have hopes and expectations for the future, have more adaptive attribution methods, and have the ability to use social support, and so on.
I don't praise suffering, and I don't want to praise the suffering behind the success of a poor child.
To tell the truth, writing such an article is suspected of chicken soup in a social system with other urban and rural areas.
But look back at ourselves. We may be luckier than Dr. Huang. We are not poor children born in mud. But each of us still has a night to cry. There is probably no life without stress, anxiety, sadness, limitation and disaster in the world.
So this is also the reason why Dr. Huang's case touched us. When resources are weak, you can find your own way without giving up; People with rich resources should learn to make good use of resources, not only to develop themselves, but also to become people who can light up other people's lives and eliminate their difficulties like Dr. Huang's computer teacher and uncle Hu who supports him.
Two days ago, I went to see the 4K remake of The Lord of the Rings 1: The Messenger of the Lord of the Rings.
I guess everyone knows the movie The Lord of the Rings, but I'll say it briefly:
Soren, the dark Lord, forged a supreme ring with supreme power thousands of years ago, which has the evil power to enslave the world. 2500 years later, Sauron is rebuilding the fortress of Balado, gathering countless orcs, and preparing for the army to seize the Lord of the Rings and conquer the world.
Gandalf persuaded Frodo the Hobbit to send the Ring to the flames of Mount Doom and destroy it completely. He was accompanied by three good friends, Sam, Pippin and Melly, as well as Gandalf, Aragon, Legolas the Elf, Boromir the Human and Jinli the Dwarf.
Along the way, Frodo not only wants to avoid the pursuit of Sauron's minions, the black knight and the orcs, but also resists the evil temptation of the Supreme Ring.
I saw this movie many years ago and thought it was just a well-made magic movie.
Over the years, because of my life coach, I have come into contact with many clients' struggles and self-salvation in their daily lives. When I revisited this film, I suddenly found that what impressed me most was the heroism of ordinary people. In the afternoon, in the empty iMAX screening hall, I watched the screen several times and cried my eyes out.
In the movie, Frodo feels unbearable to escort and destroy the Lord of the Rings. He said to Gandalf regretfully, I'd rather this ring didn't find me.
Gandalf said, we can't decide our own destiny, what we can decide is the choice we make when facing difficulties.
Reference reading:
The Journey from Childhood to Middle Age: Risk, Resilience and Recovery, Emmy Warner and Ruth Smith, Ithaca, new york, Cornell University Press, 200 1,
* [America] George e Vellante; Jason, Song Xinxin, Tong Jun, The Wisdom of Self (Chinese Version) *
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