Recently, at the lecture site of the National Lifelong Learning Lecture Hall in Taiyuan, I mentioned a scene I witnessed with my own eyes. Ma Zhaoxing, the speaker and director of Taiyuan Education Bureau, mentioned a scene I once witnessed with great emotion: "There are many industries in the world, and parents are the occupations that need training most but lack training most. I once saw a father angrily cursing his son who didn't want to go to school at the new roadside in the provincial capital. Onlookers guess that this must be a child with the lowest grades and who doesn't like learning. On closer inspection, the situation was unexpected. The child is the top three good students in a key middle school. Just because the teacher told him' don't just ponder over difficult problems, which is very unfavorable for the senior high school entrance examination', the father was angry and reprimanded the child for more than two hours the night before, but he didn't have a chance to explain to the child. That parent graduated from the first-class university in the province, and his cultural quality is not low, but his ability to educate his children is extremely limited. Therefore, the quality of parents and the quality of educating children are two different things. To teach children well, parents must first improve their educational literacy. "
True education is the crystallization of love and wisdom.
Parents and teachers "kick the ball". Many parents blame the school for failing to educate their children as soon as they find that their children have such and such problems. When analyzing the reasons why students make mistakes, some teachers often say, "If you know the parents of this child, you will know that this child will have problems." Therefore, family education complains about school education, which in turn complains about family education, and there is a contradictory relationship between family and school, parents and teachers. This is extremely unfavorable to the growth of children. In fact, family is a very important educational place, and parents are very important educational resources. Only when family education and school education complement each other, support each other, understand each other and form a joint force can we jointly create a good environment for children's growth.
Naturally, you are qualified to be a parent, but you need to work hard to be a competent parent. Most parents are self-taught, thinking that they should educate their children like their parents or like others. This is not good. Because of the changes of the times, parents should constantly update their education methods and grow up with their children. Traditional ideas require us to concentrate on our work and not be half-hearted, but now many students listen to music while doing their homework. Many parents are very angry about this. However, the latest research results show that listening to music may not necessarily affect homework, but may also help children's homework. This requires parents to change their educational thinking and not to draw arbitrary conclusions.
Don't limit the height of children's development because of their parents' ideological height. Family is the place where children grow up forever, and parents are the teachers of children's eternal development. It is impossible for parents to give their children what they don't have, and it is difficult for parents with low mental level to cultivate children with high mental level. Now, many parents have this idea: "Well, this is my life, and I'm counting on my children." Correspondingly, children may think: "I live like you, why not?" Therefore, parents need to improve themselves. They may have poor material conditions, but they must have higher spiritual pursuits.
On the other hand, parents can't be a stumbling block to their children's growth. For example, children come home from school and find their favorite books as soon as they enter the door. Mom might say, "Do your homework quickly. You haven't done your homework. What are you looking at? " How can this be a casual book? How enviable it would be if a child could have a secretary after school! In the eyes of some parents, it is enough to learn the knowledge in class well. This is not right. Don't let your misunderstanding affect your children.
The misunderstanding of family education has bound the growth of children.
Expectations for children are too high. Some parents said, "I give my child to the school, and the school will give me a college student, preferably from Tsinghua or Peking University." Is it possible for children to enter Tsinghua Peking University? It's possible. However, the students who enter Tsinghua Peking University every year are the elite among the few in the country. It is unrealistic for parents to blindly demand that all children become elites. Therefore, how to correctly set up expectations for children is very important, which is also the first step of family education. (Inspirational m.taiks.com) Parents should know their children carefully, study them and set reasonable development goals for them rationally. They can be taller, but they shouldn't swell. Expectations beyond children's endurance do more harm than good. Parents should not impose their wishful thinking on their children, but should encourage their children to work hard, advocate learning to change their destiny and strive to achieve the future.
The requirements for children are biased. Some parents think that children can do nothing as long as they get good grades. In fact, such children are likely to learn badly. The reason lies in the lack of responsibility of children. If a person has no sense of responsibility, he will certainly not learn; If he dabbles in all aspects, it will inspire more sense of responsibility. Therefore, the requirements for children must be comprehensive, and special attention should be paid to cultivating children's morality and labor habits from an early age, not just focusing on his study. The responsibility that the child should bear must be borne by him, and parents can't take all the responsibility on themselves. The child of an education expert in Suzhou often forgot his key when he was a child and called his parents every time. At first, parents always send keys to school. After repeated several times, the children still have the same problem. Therefore, parents tell their children that they will not send it to you from this time on, and they should learn to be responsible for what they have done.
The method of educating children has an element of speculation. Many parents want a way to solve all the family education problems in the world. In fact, every family's children are unique in the world. You are the father or mother of this child. Your child is different from others, and there is no ready-made method to adopt. Parents can only explore their own educational methods suitable for their children, and no one can replace them. Parents should be good at changing their ways, thinking more, listening more and nagging less. Because parents talk too much, children don't like to talk after a long time. The youngest son of a housewife abroad always likes to pee anywhere. The clever mother thought of a way. She put many small colorful pictures in the toilet for her children to see. The children found it interesting to watch the picture spin with the current. So, every time he goes to the toilet, he will put a picture and watch this interesting scene. Problem solved.
From the perspective of children, pay attention to the outside and ignore the inside. Today, children can recite a poem and do arithmetic ... Many times, parents only see the external changes of their children, but ignore the cultivation of their inner qualities such as interest, vision, habits and thinking. This is the lack of family education. When children learn to dance and play music, parents only pay attention to the actual effect of skill training, but never guide their children to understand the connotation and charm of music; Children parrot-recite "the mountains cover the day", but parents only care about being happy, but forget to tell their children how to "follow the mountains" during the day.
The mentality of educating children is impatient. Parents treat their children like ants on hot bricks. They can't wait for their 8-year-old children to graduate from college, and they have to cram for the fourth grade when they are only in the third grade. There is a saying that children should never lose at the starting line, which makes sense, but it is not entirely right. If life is a sprint of 100 meters, you should not lose at the starting line, but life is not a sprint, but a marathon. Even if you fall today, you can catch up tomorrow. Parents should avoid anxiety and learn to wait when educating their children. If a child is one step behind others today, he may be one step ahead of others tomorrow. Don't think that if he is slower today, he will be slower than others all his life. The process of life can't be condensed, and you need experience to really understand it. When a child makes a mistake, parents must treat it correctly and help the child analyze and solve the problem with an inclusive heart, instead of blindly accusing and reprimanding.
Constructing harmonious parent-child relationship with no trace of heart
Believe that your children have unlimited potential and learn to appreciate them moderately. Parents should have rational expectations for their children and have confidence in their potential. Scientific research has found that the potential of the human brain is only 1/4 at present, and there are still many potentials to be tapped. Parents should stimulate their children's potential, be good at discovering countless possibilities in their children, and give them a "thumbs up" on appropriate occasions, which is very important for establishing their self-confidence. Of course, while learning to appreciate children, we should not ignore punishment. Moderate punishment will make him understand that he is responsible for everything, which is not contradictory to praise.
Let children have things they like and things they like to do. Children's time should not be occupied by parents, even if the child is in a daze, it is a very charming moment because he is thinking about his own affairs. Yu Dafu is a famous writer in the history of modern literature. He is grateful to his parents for letting him have his own sky in his childhood. Because of his poor health, he often sits alone in the wild and looks at the natural landscape around him. Later, when he wrote, as soon as he described the natural environment, he immediately remembered the scenery he saw as a child. Parents should give their children such opportunities and moments, and never fill his time and brain, which may make him miss many possibilities for development.
Let reading and writing become an inseparable part of life. Whether a person has self-cultivation depends not on what he looks like at work, but on how he spends his leisure time. Some people play mahjong and drink in their spare time, while others listen to music and read books. Two different lifestyles have different effects on children's growth. If parents can set an example and cultivate their children's love of reading from an early age, then children will enjoy it and gain something in their lives. At the same time, it is necessary to make keeping a diary a habit and let children record what happens every day. It's not necessarily a long speech, but a word and a little insight. The key is that parents should do it first.
Establish good communication and exchange with children. Do not respect children's right to speak, blindly instill in children, over time, children will close their hearts and push their parents further. Parents should learn to communicate equally, not only to express their opinions, but also to listen to their children's ideas and let them open their hearts. When children speak fluently, don't interrupt, be patient and keep responding, so that children can feel understanding, trust and respect.
It is understandable that parents want their children to succeed, and there is no doubt about the purpose of teaching and educating people in schools. Under the current education system, parents and schools often make their children learn more and practice more in order to make them "promising". We have to endure it when we see that children are tired of learning books, but we are also helpless. However, we must understand that although children are young, they have thoughts and ideas. Even for some thorny issues, we should provide them with a platform for communication. Killing their desire to speak without asking why is often counterproductive.