Parents' classroom creativity

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"When I was a child, my father was very strict with me. Don't look in the mirror, don't have long hair, and go out to work in winter and summer vacations ... Not only that, I am accused of this and that every time I eat, which makes me cry and eat. " This is what the famous host Dong Qing said.

It can be seen that family education in Dong Qing is the "frustration education" pursued by many parents. Parents who generally pursue this kind of education believe that if they create artificial setbacks for their children from an early age, they can gain "immunity" in advance, and then they will have a strong heart to face setbacks when they enter the society.

Having said that, I have to mention my best friend Tang Ning, who is a loyal supporter of "frustration education". In her mind, children should stumble and grow up, and they should never be spoiled.

Downing's attitude towards children every day is like this. If he fails in the exam, he will attack in various languages and say that the child is "stupid and disappointing"; If you do well in the exam, you will be cold-faced. Tell your child sharply, don't be complacent just because you got a good grade once. You still have a long way to go to be truly outstanding.

When a child encounters difficulties and asks his mother for help, Tang Ning always says: You can't handle such a small matter well, but you still come to an adult. Who will take care of you when you enter the society? Why are you so stupid that you can't think more with your head?

After a long time, Downing's son became particularly unconfident and felt that he was nothing like others, but he was helpless when he encountered problems that he could not solve ... The child was white and charming, but lacked aura, which always gave people a feeling of depression and unhappiness.

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I remember a Weibo who committed suicide by a female doctor in an Ivy League school, which aroused people's heated discussion.

This is an Ivy League girl. In the eyes of ordinary people, she is already excellent. However, in her mother's eyes, it seems far from good enough.

The mother is a successful artist, and she is extremely strict with her only daughter.

This time, she went to America to visit her daughter. As usual, the mother and daughter didn't say two words, and the mother began to "spur" her daughter.

Faced with her mother's criticism, my daughter couldn't help asking: Can I never satisfy you?

The mother still didn't answer her daughter's question directly, but asked, Do you think you did a good job?

The daughter listened to her mother's words, turned around and jumped off the balcony decisively.

"Can I never satisfy you?" It's the pain in almost every child's heart in China. In a short sentence, just 13 words, just like a needle, just like a nail, will prick the child's thorn ... it seems that no matter how well we do, we can't meet our parents' expectations when we grow up.

This is our misguided frustration education!

03

An anonymous user in Zhihu said that her mother had never praised herself since she was a child, and everything she did would be criticized. However, my mother thought that these setbacks and blows would make me motivated, but the result was just the opposite. Because of my mother's setbacks and blows, I feel inferior and insecure now, and I always doubt and deny myself.

An example to feel the difference between the correct frustration education and our ongoing frustration education:

What if the child falls and cries?

Correct frustration education: parents don't help, let the children get up by themselves, and hug and comfort them in time after standing up: baby, it hurts. It's really brave to stand up even if I'm hurt.

Frustration education: let children get up by themselves, and strict education: don't fall casually! How so delicate! Get up, there's nothing to cry about. Don't cry.

Parents' frustration education often becomes only frustration, constantly stimulating and deepening frustration, without education.

When children face setbacks, parents should try to understand them with a positive attitude, instead of forcing them to face setbacks. When children face setbacks, there will definitely be some negative emotions. Parents should moderately accept these negative emotions and convey to their children that "even if they fail, mom and dad still love you", so that children can move on with the emotional support of their parents when facing setbacks.

The real frustration education is mainly to educate children's ability to resist setbacks, not to destroy them with setbacks.