Appreciation education should not be blindly praised. Many parents will worry that their parenting methods are not comprehensive enough, and there will be happiness and trouble during their growth. Educating children should also follow the laws of their physical and mental development. Now share appreciation education, don't just praise it!
Appreciate education, don't just praise 1. Modern families have fully accepted western appreciation education, but people often only know one thing about appreciation education, and even equate it with "blind praise", which is also a misunderstanding of appreciation education. Appreciation education attaches importance to the process of appreciating children's efforts and correcting children's misconduct.
There is a bad boy in the fairy tale world, that is Pinocchio. He can not only lie, but also sell textbooks and go to the circus with bad friends. Such a child is also the heart of Pinocchio's father. From the day he was born, he said, "My good son!" ""My dear son! Praise, but also always encourage Pi Nuo to "be a real child". "However, Pi Nuo's father sold all his winter cotton-padded clothes and bought textbooks for Pi Nuo, but such loving behavior only brought his son a moment's touch. Why?
Sweet troubles
Three-year-old Tian Tian was in such trouble. At home, adults hold candy in their hands, and uncles and aunts who come to play at home will also bring candy and various gifts. No matter whether Britney is humming or dancing, even if she does nothing, adults will praise her: "What a good child!" " "Sweet dancing is really good!" "Sweet is the best!"
But it's different when you go out. Every time I play with children and run after them, sweets is always the last one. Every time she is here, sweets is depressed. She pouted and piled sand with Dabao, who was half a year old. However, no matter how stacked, the sweet sand pile is untenable. Dabao built a small castle in a short time. Angry sweet pushed down Dabao's sand pile with her hand, and her mother hurried over to ask her to apologize to Dabao. I don't know the sweetness of injustice, but I am the best! Why can't I get along with other children?
In fact, Tian Tian has just strayed into a minefield of over-praise. As a child, she can't understand the true degree of her ability, so she feels confused and wronged.
I'm flattered. Four minefields
1, false praise is rampant
Whenever and wherever, using words like "You are great, son" and "You are amazing" is actually an invalid compliment that confuses people. First, children listen too much, and they can feel that adults just talk casually and don't care, so they don't value the praise of adults. Second, what adults blurt out anytime and anywhere makes children feel that they are really "perfect" and can't face setbacks and failures when they encounter criticism and competition. Third, the effect of guiding behavior is lost. For example, a sweet grandmother should not encourage her with the ineffective compliment of "good food" when she is chasing after feeding. This will only make Britney feel that this behavior is correct. Abandoning this aimless praise is the first minefield that parents need to eliminate.
2. Compare and praise, harm others and not benefit yourself
"You paint really well. It's the best in the community." "I think your painting is better than XXX." Compliments are not uncommon. This kind of praise is based on being stronger than others, which invisibly increases the psychological pressure of children. On the one hand, it affects children's correct understanding of their own advantages and does not understand that good grades are the result of hard work; On the other hand, it will also affect children's interpersonal communication and blindly despise children who are weak in one aspect.
3. Severe praise is like a "tightening spell"
"It's good to run first. Keep trying. Don't fail next time. " This compliment includes the requirement of being the first. This harsh requirement will become the shackles of children's hearts, and it is necessary to provide children with broad room for growth. Being first or winning the prize doesn't mean anything, and the result is not the most important. The important thing is that the child has made efforts. Praise should focus on efforts rather than results.
4. Good words are bad words.
If it is praise, it seems to be criticism. For example, some parents like to say, "I didn't expect you to do so well." Not bad. " "Be good this time, and don't make trouble in the future, okay?" When children hear this, their joy will be greatly reduced. But they think that no matter what I do, I am a troublemaker and a bad boy in my parents' minds, which greatly dampened their enthusiasm.
Correctly praise four tricks
1, praise should be targeted.
Give specific praise, such as good painting. You can emphasize "you are very thoughtful, my child, and it's good that you can think of painting wings immediately" instead of making a qualitative evaluation of the quality of the painting. Use descriptive language to find the child's bright spot from the heart. Generally speaking, it means "praise should be taken care of", and to do this, you need to spend more time with your children and care more about them.
2. Praise the behavior rather than the result.
Don't praise your child because he won the prize, because the prize is only a praise for his efforts. Parents should praise and encourage their children's efforts, such as "you keep practicing every day, so you can get results." Mom is really proud of your persistence. "
3. Praise the failure of efforts.
A failed compliment is sometimes more important than a successful compliment. As long as he has made efforts, even if he fails, he should give positive praise to his efforts. For example, children practice skateboarding, no matter how they practice, they can't master it well at first, and the car can't run. At this time, we should actively praise the child: "You have done much better this time, let's try again." Only by constant encouragement can he establish a correct attitude towards learning and not be afraid of difficulties.
4, question praise, let the children sum up their own experience.
How did you come up with such a photo? "Did you skate further than before?" This kind of sentence inspires and encourages children to discover their own uniqueness and sum up their experience. Indirect praise is an equal way of communication, not a compliment from the strong to the weak, but a friendly communication.
If Pinocchio's father knew the two sides of praise, instead of blindly praising it, he could help him realize right and wrong when he left home for the first time, encourage his children to behave correctly in praise, and correct his wrong behavior. Perhaps Pinocchio would not have to take so many detours to find himself again.
Appreciation education should not be blindly praised. Two nights ago, I went for a walk downstairs in the community and accidentally met my neighbor Xiao Fang. I chatted with her about the recent children. She said, "Recently, my boy won an honor for doing a little thing. Without our praise, he will be unhappy and sometimes lose his temper. I really can't help him. "
As far as I know, Xiao Fang used to be the kind of mother who praised her children every time she did something, and sometimes praised her just for a little thing. As a result, with the growth of children, the disadvantages of this absolute praise began to appear slowly.
In reality, are there many parents like Xiao Fang who don't know what to do when praising their children? In fact, it is not difficult to praise children. Knowing how to use appreciation education correctly can effectively stimulate children's inner motivation.
Blindly praising "you are great" is a taboo in appreciation education.
Many parents in modern times always make all kinds of mistakes when praising their children. Some parents hold the traditional educational concept of "a dutiful son is born under a stick" and don't praise everything their children do, whether it is good or bad. There is also a kind of parents, who are indiscriminate, praise everything their children do and say "you are great" blindly.
Children who "grow up with criticism" often have no self-confidence. They study hard and get good grades, but they can't get praise from their parents. "You are great, son". Children who grow up in absolute praise education tend to form the habit of lying. They can't stand the negation of others. Once they don't get the praise from their parents, they will make a scene and even lose their temper.
But in fact, when parents praise their children, they don't know which aspect of their children is worthy of praise and which aspect is their own behavior of breaking through themselves. Therefore, children who grow up in the general words of "you are great" and "you are smart" are often inferior to others in technology, and also develop the viciousness of blx.
Parents should know that children need to grow up in praise, and they need parents' affirmative voices to give their children the motivation and courage to move forward, so praise is an essential part of their growth.
However, it is not advisable to praise "you are great" blindly, which is not only bad for children's growth, but also hinders their growth. Smart parents know how to use appreciation education correctly to praise their children.
Appreciation education is the best way to praise children.
What is "appreciation education"? In life, there are also some parents who have misunderstandings about appreciation education. They think that appreciation education means praising children "you are great", which is really a big mistake. But what is the real appreciation education?
The real appreciation education is that parents can clearly understand the advantages and disadvantages of their children, thus stimulating their internal motivation and having a lasting impact on them. Let children learn how to evaluate their self-worth correctly through the correct evaluation methods of their parents.
It is most important to learn to appreciate education and praise children. Correctly evaluating children's advantages can help them realize their own value and make them more confident. In addition, children can clearly see their own shortcomings, learn to learn from others with an open mind and learn from each other's strengths. This process can greatly help children become better and more perfect.
Parents should be the "guides" of their children's lives and give them correct guidance. Parents who don't know how to praise their children should not worry, but learn to use three key points in appreciation education to praise their children.
Using appreciation education, wise parents know these three key points.
Praise children with your heart, praise children sincerely, concretely and generally, without any conditions, and always in the way of "you are great", which in itself violates the principle of appreciation education. Parents must be sincere and sincere in praising their children.
In life, for example, a child draws a picture alone on the weekend and then shows it to you with great interest. If mom just said, "son, you are great." Such praise cannot resonate with children, who don't know where they are. Many times, such praise may make children feel that their mother is perfunctory and deceiving themselves, and over time they lose motivation for such praise. Therefore, parents should learn to praise their children specially and let them know clearly what they have done well.
The mother said to the child, "Wow, is this painting the last time I took you to the park to watch a little girl fly a kite?" I didn't expect you to remember the scene around you, and it was completely reflected in the painting. I like your paintings very much. Mom can feel that you are serious when you draw. Mom should praise your seriousness! "
Praise the child with such a specific oral description. Children feel that their efforts have been affirmed and recognized by their parents, and they will gain a sense of pride and satisfaction, and gradually become more confident and more motivated to face all kinds of things in life.
Parents should know that every child has his own bright spot and can find it with his heart. When these bright spots of children are described in words, children can feel their parents' intentions and sincerity better.
Praise leads the focus to the process. Why praise children? I believe many parents will answer: praising children can improve their self-confidence, stimulate their inner motivation and let them know and evaluate themselves better. When parents praise their children, they should never be limited to the results of things. In fact, the process of doing things is more important than the result.
Pay more attention to the results of things when praising children, and let children realize what controllable and uncontrollable factors exist in the completion of a thing.
When children can clearly understand what factors they can master, they can naturally make better use of their abilities and firmly believe in their abilities in similar situations in the future.
For example, when a child gets good grades in an exam. Parents should not just say to their children, "Son, this exam is good, great!" " It is to guide children to realize the internal factors of the success of this exam. Parents can tell their children: "Son, this exam has made great progress. Mom thinks it's closely related to your serious study these days. Because you study so hard, you can naturally master a lot of knowledge, so you did so well in this exam.
Moreover, my mother read your test paper and found that you were careful in doing the problem this time, and you were not careless at all. My mother wants to praise you! "In this way, children will know that their efforts and carefulness are the controllable factors in this exam, and they can pay more attention to it in future exams.
Psychologists say that such evaluation for a long time will make children form a "growing psychological orientation" and urge children to attribute their good grades to controllable factors such as their own efforts and carefulness. Children gradually know how to analyze the success or failure of things, analyze controllable factors and uncontrollable factors, and face some problems that they don't understand. Children also know that they need to study more to make up for their weakness.
There is no need to stick to sentence patterns when praising children. Some parents can't say "son, you are great!" " "After that, I have been sticking to what kind of sentence patterns to praise children, so that children can feel their sincerity and understand the reasons for their praise. In fact, there is no need to stick to the sentence pattern of praise when praising children. Sometimes it will be unreal and perfunctory.
American psychologists once said the word "effort", which is different from Chinese. It doesn't mean "hard work" or "hard work", but a way of paying attention to the process rather than the result, that is, what you have paid in one thing. Such efforts are "efforts". Therefore, praising children does not necessarily require children to succeed in doing things. Even if you fail, you can praise your child's hard work, so that children can feel the appreciation and praise of their parents, which can greatly stimulate their inner motivation.
When praising children, we should choose different praise methods according to their characteristics. For some children with "fixed psychology", when they fail, they will hear others praise them for being great. When they are really smart, they may feel more stressed and become more depressed.
For children with "growth psychology", there is no harm in praising their cleverness, because they clearly know what factors are related to their cleverness, and they know that no matter how clever they are, they will have no result without the efforts made the day after tomorrow. Therefore, when parents praise their children, they should not stick to sentence patterns, but learn to better cultivate a child's "growth psychology", which is more important.
In daily life, parents observe their children attentively, sincerely appreciate their children, and respect and understand their feelings and needs. Praise is a natural emotional expression, which does not need a certain form. Children feel the sincere appreciation of their parents, which can naturally stimulate their inner motivation.