How should parents educate their children when they fight? 1 when should mom intervene when she quarrels?
From the moment they start raising their children, parents will have to face the situation that their children have disputes with their brothers, sisters or friends. Parents deal with children's fights in different ways. Some parents will let their children solve their own problems, but some parents will also decide disputes between their children like magistrates.
Fighting is exhausting for either side, especially children. Either the party who starts the dispute first or the party who is passively involved will be hurt. If parents intervene to judge right or wrong every time, it will be counterproductive. Children who are passively involved in disputes will find their parents to solve problems as long as there is a dispute, which is easy to develop into dependent personality; Children who provoke disputes will stick to their opinions more because they feel wronged, and they will be more aggressive in order to stick to their opinions.
Mother's intervention skills
Correctly handling disputes between children requires certain skills. If two children fight, they should be called to confirm the fact of the fight. At this time, don't ask the children why they fight, let them tell their mistakes first. Although children will use "xx to fight" as an excuse, even so, ask the children what they did wrong first. After listening to the explanations of both sides, give the child time to calm down, and then ask the child the reason of the dispute after the child's mood is stable, which led to the consequences of the fight.
At this time, mothers cannot show an oppressive attitude. Although we should be firm, our tone should be gentle and peaceful, and we can't judge who is right or wrong. The words "it happened because of you" may cause harm to children and also cause children's resistance. After that, let the children decide for themselves how to act in the future. This method may take a lot of time at first, but if you stick to it, children will learn to think from each other's standpoint and learn how to control their feelings.
How to train children to be children who don't fight?
1, in order to understand the real reason, from the observation of children's inner world.
First of all, we must judge the cause of the dispute. If this behavior is the first time, it is necessary to recall whether the child's life has changed recently. It is also necessary to observe whether children will have disputes with all their friends, or only with specific friends and specific relatives. It is also a good way to observe whether children are hungry, stressed and tired, and ask people and teachers around them.
2. Make rules for fighting
Make a rule of "no loud noise" among family members at ordinary times. If someone's voice starts to rise gradually, shout "pause" to them and get into the habit of stopping all actions as long as you shout "pause". Even a one-second pause will play a decisive role in stopping the fight. A temporary pause is more effective than emphasizing it a hundred times.
3. Teach children to use me as the subject of sentences.
Most negative words begin with "you" If this language habit is formed, once a dispute occurs, it is easy to put all the responsibility on the other side. If you want children to develop the habit of not blaming each other and thinking from each other's standpoint, you should practice using "I" instead of "you". If you develop such a habit of speaking, it will reduce the occurrence of children blaming each other, thus reducing the occurrence of disputes. In this way, you can clearly convey to each other what behaviors you are dissatisfied with.
4. Help children see things from another angle.
Children are often self-centered and ignore other people's ideas. At this time, if xx does this, what will other children think? Did you hear what xx said? "What would xx want you to do?" And other ways to help children learn to think from each other's standpoint.
5. Ask the reason of the quarrel directly and concretely.
Give children time to think about the root cause of the fight. At this time, ask something like "How did you quarrel?" Waiting will confuse children and often hear the answer of "I don't know". Therefore, at this time, it is better to ask "What is it?" "What did the friend say?" "What did you do?" "Then what should I do?" Might as well wait for the road.
6. Help children solve their own problems
Ask the child how to solve the problem. For example, use "so you are sad because of this, then you two should think about what to do next, and come back to your mother when you think about it?" Mom is waiting for your answer over there, or "give you a minute to think about what to do next." You are good friends and I believe you can solve the problem. " Just put it another way.
7. Direct intervention when necessary.
If the child can't solve the problem independently anyway, and the dispute becomes more and more serious, the mother needs to intervene directly. If the dispute becomes more serious, it is also a good way for mom to do some actions with binding signals, such as pulling her ears. If the child is young, say something to the child, such as "until you can talk quietly, you should take a break and think about it alone." After that, it is also a good choice to separate the two children and give them quiet time.
8. Tell your child the meaning of compromise.
The best way to reduce disputes is to compromise. First, explain the meaning of compromise to children. "Compromise means that you give up part of what you want, and the other party gives up part of what he wants, so that you can get part?" It is a better way to give children similar instructions like this. Tell children that compromise is for others. Caring is a concession. If the child does this kind of action, praise it as much as possible to make the child feel a sense of accomplishment.
9. Educate children in an orderly manner.
Everything in life can't be what children want, so tell children that there are rules and agreements to abide by in this world. Instead of letting parents make rules, it is better to discuss with children and make rules together. For example, "Let friends play with toys for fifteen minutes first, ok?" After that, Shan Yu and Deshan took turns to play. "Asking children's opinions in a new way and getting their assurance is a better way to reduce disputes.
How should parents educate their children when they fight? 2 1. Which children are easy to fight?
There will be at least active hitters and beaten people in the fight. Among them, children who take the initiative to beat people are generally boys, and children in various family environments may become active batters. On the contrary, those children who are beaten, with average grades, introverted personality, average family conditions or foreign students without backers, are often considered by other children to be unsociable and isolated, so they will be squeezed out and bullied.
2. Why do children fight?
First of all, let's analyze the behavior of children fighting and bullying. Generally speaking, children will have more direct physical conflicts. In those news events, there are relatively few extreme behaviors such as group fights, stabbing people with knives, and pressing toilets. If they do meet, they can't simply deal with it as a child fight. It is understandable that children fight and occasionally have physical conflicts. Parents need to be alert that repeated fighting and bullying will not only harm children's physical health, but more importantly, have a negative impact on their mental health.
So why do children fight? Generally speaking, we can attribute the reasons to two aspects, one is that the management of guardians is not in place, and the other is that the cost of fighting and making mistakes is too small. Parents or schools can't make children realize the mistake of fighting in time. Children who take the initiative to fight will think that fighting can make other children obey themselves without loss, so they may be keen on solving problems through fighting. Children who are beaten may have to swallow their words after being bullied because they are weak and lack the support and guidance of their parents or others. To sum up, the battle will be repeated.
How should parents deal with children's fights?
In the face of children fighting, if their baby is beaten, parents have no choice but to fight back or educate, so let's analyze the consequences.
(1) Call back
If the child is beaten back, there are two possible outcomes. One is to scare his children so that they won't bully themselves in the future. The other is that the child who beat him thinks that his authority has been provoked and will bully the child who was beaten more.
(2) Education
Educating the children who have been beaten is, in a sense, an avoidance of fighting, which may not prevent the children who have beaten people from continuing their violent behavior. At the same time, although their children can listen to education, they will inevitably feel wronged. So this kind of education will last for a long time.