There are too many rich second generations in poor families now!
Going to a friend's company to talk about things, when it comes to team building, he said in confusion: "I used to think that children from poor families can bear hardships and have a sense of responsibility. I dare not recruit employees from poor families now. There are too many rich second generations in poor families! " "Rich second generation", in people's impression, is equal to laziness, profligacy, restlessness and perversity. As the name implies, it is because the family is rich and spoiled that the children are not sensible.
However, with the development of China's economy, especially the rise of the new urban middle class, more and more rich second generation are working hard. On the contrary, the children of poor families are infected with the problems of the former rich second generation. The biggest reason for this phenomenon is psychological compensation. A family member feels that he can't lose his child. Their educational philosophy is that they would rather be poor than poor children.
Children who grow up in this environment are used to begging and lack gratitude, and spending money today and tomorrow is far beyond his ability. Moreover, the sense of responsibility is almost zero. I am poor, I am reasonable, I am weak and I am proud. This mentality will make people around him have a lot of opinions about him. Interpersonal communication is a complete failure.
Psychological compensation is the comfort of elders.
10 years ago, the poor were brave enough to admit their own shortcomings, and they could stay awake when educating their children: our family is poor, so you should shoulder more responsibilities and be self-reliant. Now all kinds of myths about creating wealth are impacting all social strata, and more and more people who have no ability to create wealth are blamed on opportunities, social injustice and class solidification.
Because there is no hope, I can only try my best to compensate my children: I don't care about your future, at least when I was a child, you had something that others had. This directly leads to a bad result: the more poor people are, the easier it is to regard normal education as suffering and be ashamed of making children suffer.
Limited by their own vision, families with poor economic conditions can easily make the third mistake in education: they think that they only need to study hard. No matter whether their children study well or not, they never wash clothes, cook, clean and greet strangers. Things other than grades have nothing to do with him. This directly leads to children's poor sense of responsibility and poor social skills.
After work, I became a little princess and a little prince who didn't think about things in the team and wanted to pass the buck when something went wrong. They never think of themselves as a complete person who can be in charge of a comprehensive project. It's just a screw, a part, imagining parents cleaning up the battlefield for themselves.
It is frugal for the rich to wear 100 yuan clothes, and it is poverty for the poor to wear the same paragraph. In this social reality, poor parents often cultivate their children's excessive self-esteem. In order not to let others say that their children are poor, simply don't let them wear clothes of 100 yuan. However, self-esteem is nothing, life is realistic, and vanity can't help anyone through life.
This kind of self-esteem education of poor families makes children particularly "late-maturing". When peers already know that they are working hard for three meals a day and ten years later. But with warm self-esteem, they fantasize that they can succeed as long as they pose as successful people.
The difference between the rich and the poor is essentially the difference in education.
When the rich have changed the direction of education and started to cultivate compound talents who can better adapt to society, the poor have taken the detour of the rich 10 years ago: indulging their children indefinitely, seeking only achievements and nothing else. As a result, the "poor second generation" of the rich family is getting richer and richer, and the "rich second generation" of the poor family is getting poorer and poorer.
At the most depressed time in Brigitte Lin's life, the feast master gave her eight words: face, accept, deal with and let go. This eight-character policy also applies to parents whose family circumstances are unsatisfactory. The real growth of parents is to be able to face up to the failures in their own lives and reflect on their own reasons. A father said to his children at the dinner table, "I have enough talent and hard work in my life." The reason for my failure is that my personality is too strong and I am witty. "
Later, he reflected on this question many times, so that his children began to read books on psychology very early, and always paid special attention to the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence. The reason why father failed has been well repaired by his children. If he doesn't face it calmly, but complains about his family and society, future generations may become poor and proud in a strange circle of paranoia. Parents are more authoritative than pretending to be strong by being honest about their shortcomings.
All roads lead to Rome. Don't compare with people who live in Rome. Every effort of parents and children will eventually get closer to Rome day by day. Face, accept, deal with, and let go. I hope all parents in the world firmly believe that parents are stronger than schools, and no matter how big the educational resources are, they can't compare with the differences in parents' mentality.
Recently, I have seen too many "rich second generation" from poor families. I am afraid of difficulties at work and have super self-esteem. They can't do it or say it. Differences in education will freeze or even aggravate the gap between the rich and the poor. This difference is not what school you go to, but whether your parents can face their situation with a normal heart and explore educational methods in reflection and growth.
Attached is an article worth pondering: a bowl of noodles killed a child, but awakened countless parents across the country!
An old woman often takes her grandson to a beef noodle shop next to the school to eat noodles and then go home after school. They often order two bowls of noodles. Every time before eating noodles, grandma always puts the beef in her bowl into the children's bowl, and then smiles at her grandson who has swallowed dates.
1 You didn't give me beef.
There is no waiter in this noodle restaurant. Noodles are usually cooked by the boss and served by the guests themselves. On this day, grandma walked to the end, simply picked up chopsticks and put all the beef in her bowl into another bowl. Then he brought two bowls of noodles to his grandson. The shopkeeper shook his head when he saw this situation, but he didn't say anything.
Grandma smiled and let her grandson eat, but the grandson stared at her bowl and frowned. "Grandma, why didn't you give me the beef today?" Grandma said that all her beef had been given to him before it was served, but the grandson didn't believe it and shouted there, "You are lying! You must have hidden the beef secretly! " While shouting, I dug into grandma's bowl with chopsticks, and all the noodles were dug on the table! Grandma showed a helpless expression, saying that you were really disobedient, and put the noodles on the table back into her bowl with chopsticks.
I won't sell you my noodles.
"That must be you steal to eat! How could you? I don't eat, don't eat ... "Diners around all looked at the bully strangely. Grandma sighed, "I'll be hungry if I don't eat. I'll buy another bowl!" " "Just about to speak, the shopkeeper said coldly," Sorry, I won't sell you my noodles! ""Grandma sat back helplessly. "I have given you my beef. I really didn't steal it!" "
At this point, angry childishness made the veins stand out on his neck. I stretched out my hand, knocked over two bowls of noodles on the table and left angrily, followed by my grandmother. People around you cast a condemning look. The child is too overbearing. How can this grandmother spoil her grandson like this? Not long after, the child brought a man, it seems that it should be the child's father, followed by a tearful grandmother. As soon as the man entered the door, he went straight to the shopkeeper and said, "Give me three bowls of noodles!" " "Then sit down angrily.
03, I buy noodles, I have the final say.
Without saying anything, the shopkeeper made them three bowls of noodles. As soon as the three bowls of noodles were put down, the man put all the beef in the two bowls in front of the children. "Boss, come here!" "When the shopkeeper approached, the man knocked on the table and said," I bought noodles with money, and I can eat as I like. I like giving them to my son. Look, I gave it to my son. "Now we don't want to eat your noodles!"
Say that finish, spit and spit in the bowl! ! Then he left 100 yuan and held the child's hand. The shopkeeper was so angry that he burst into tears and said that he had earned money from good people and was angry with bad people. At first, he refused to sell the third bowl of noodles to his grandmother and grandson, hoping that the children would realize their mistakes. I also want the old people to know that it is wrong to spoil their children like that, but I didn't expect to insult myself. Good people in this society are hard to do!
Educator makarenko said: "It is the most terrible gift for parents to give their children everything and sacrifice everything, even their own happiness." China's parents often give this terrible gift entirely to their children. The negative impact of this talent on children is "high marks and low abilities, and attaching importance to intelligence over morality", which is manifested in China's parents doting on their children and paying one-sided attention to the cultivation of intelligence.
Disciples' Rules says: Disciples' Rules, the training of saints, first filial piety, second faith, love for the masses, kindness and spare capacity, how can you study literature? . In short: be a man first, then do things. After learning to be a man, there is still room for learning culture and knowledge. However, we all turn our attention to the cultivation of intelligence, while ignoring the education of moral education. The core of education is family, parents are the best role models for children, and words and deeds are the best education.
When the child is used to taking it, it is not a day's work for the child to become a bully. They forgot to be grateful. They always hope that others will continue to pay, and never think of what they will do for their parents and grandparents. This is the root of their future poverty and pain. Therefore, if you love him, teach him to share; if you love him, let him learn to face; if you love him, let him learn to accept; if you love him, let him learn to be grateful and love him. ......
Attachment: 10 "typical" China people doting on their children.
1, special treatment: children have a superior position in the family and are given special care everywhere, such as eating "exclusive food", and good food is placed in front of him for him to enjoy alone; The grandparents of the "only child" don't have to celebrate their birthdays, and the children have to buy big cakes to give gifts ... Such children feel special and are used to being superior, so they will inevitably become selfish, unsympathetic and will not care about others.
2, excessive attention: the family always takes care of him and accompanies him. During the Spring Festival, relatives and friends came, and they often talked and laughed.
Sometimes adults sit around him in a circle, welcoming children to perform programs again and again, and applause continues. Such a child thinks he is the center and really becomes a "little sun". Everyone in the family revolves around him. He fidgets all day and his attention is extremely distracted. "People come crazy" is also particularly serious, and even guests can't talk when they come.
3, easy to satisfy: give children what they want. Some parents also give their children and primary school students a lot of pocket money to make it easier for them to meet. This kind of children will inevitably develop a bad character of not cherishing things, paying attention to material enjoyment, wasting money, not caring about others, and having no patience and hardship.
4. Lazy life: let children eat, play and study irregularly, do whatever they want, sleep late, skip meals, wander during the day, watch TV late at night and so on. When such children grow up, they lack self-motivation and curiosity, muddle along, and work hard without end.
5, pray for persuasion: for example, while pleading for children to eat and sleep, they promised to tell three stories before eating. The child's psychology is that the more you beg him, the more awkward he is. Not only can't distinguish right from wrong, but also can't cultivate a sense of responsibility and a natural and graceful character, and the prestige of education has also been lost.
6, arranged instead: so three or four-year-old children still have to feed, will not dress, five or six-year-old children do nothing about housework. I don't know the fun of work and the responsibility to help my parents reduce their burdens. This arrangement will inevitably lose a hardworking, kind, compassionate, capable and self-motivated child. This j is by no means grandstanding.
7, make a fuss: Originally, "newborn calves are not afraid of tigers", children are not afraid of water, not afraid of darkness, not afraid of falling, not afraid of illness. After wrestling, I often get up quietly and continue to play. Why did some children cry later? That is often caused by parents and grandparents. When children get sick, they panic. The end result of doting is that children will not let their parents leave. These children will be regarded as cowards.
8. Deprivation of independence: Such children will become timid and incompetent, lose self-confidence, become dependent, often become "gatekeepers", bully the weak at home and be timid outside, resulting in serious personality defects.
9. Fear of crying: As a result of accommodating children since childhood, children threaten their parents with crying, sleeping and not eating when they are unhappy. Spoiled parents have to cajole, give in, obey and accommodate. Parents who are afraid of their children crying are incompetent parents; Children who abuse their parents will become ruthless rebels, sowing the seeds of selfishness, ruthlessness, willfulness and lack of self-control in their character.
10, Mianbao: Of course such a child can't be taught! Because he has no concept of right and wrong, he always has "protective umbrella" and "shelter", and the consequences are not only the distortion of children's personality, but also family discord sometimes. There is a saying in China: "The beloved is unfortunate, and the spoiled child is hard to become useful."
This is to tell parents how to educate their children and how to give them a good moral education. It is every parent's bounden duty to teach their children how to behave. The cultivation of children's good habits first requires parents to get out of the misunderstanding of love. Children who are often spoiled take everything adults do for granted. They don't know how to think of others, nor do they know the hardships and efforts of adults.
They are self-centered, selfish, arrogant and perverse, do not know how to tolerate, and can't stand grievances. They don't even know manners. They are arrogant and outspoken. Is this entirely the child's fault? Don't just complain about how other children are so sensible. My child is a bully.
It is not a day's work for a child to change from ignorance to overlord, when the child is used to taking it. They forgot to be grateful. They always hope that others will continue to pay, and never think of what they will do for their parents and grandparents. So, if you love him, teach him to share; If you love him, let him learn to face it; If you love him, let him learn to accept it; If you love him, let him learn to deal with it; If you love him, let him know how to be grateful!