Strict education is dangerous education.
The tradition of our country is to believe in "a dutiful son is born under a stick". If a teenager has good conduct and outstanding academic performance, people will attribute it to strict discipline at home. If a teenager misbehaves or is unwilling to study, people will think that family discipline is lax. In a word, "strictness" seems to be a panacea for education. However, Yin Jianli believes that strict education is dangerous. When a child makes a mistake, it is often unintentional. It is only an inevitable manifestation that children are in an immature stage of physical and mental development. Some parents will be furious with their children because of these trivial things, such as wearing the wrong shoes, dropping meals, breaking toys and writing wrong words. They claim that they must be "strictly disciplined" and often beat and scold. In the end, it really had little effect. Children don't do everything as their parents wish, but become timid and even paranoid because of their parents' severe accusations. If parents are too strong and strict and demand perfection in everything, children will have no freedom to choose and make mistakes on their own initiative, and the process of growing up cannot be short of trial and error. In fact, severe beating and cursing is useless to correct the child's mistakes, but it puts a lot of pressure on the child and suppresses his self-confidence.
There are too many rules to make a square.
Another classic of parents is "No rules, no Fiona Fang". Yin Jianli believes that there is no need to emphasize "rules" in early childhood, and children are just exploring the world and developing themselves. Too many rules restrict children's development, and it is even more undesirable for children to be unhappy every day because they are entangled in "rules". Allow the child to do well enough, and don't blame him for unintentional mistakes. Children's growth needs a relaxed environment most, instead of spending all their energy on obeying the rules. Ralph, a famous American teacher, said: "If our children want to reach the same level, we should teach them to understand the rules and look away from the class rules on the classroom wall. People's lives are sometimes irregular. More importantly, sometimes the rules are simply wrong. "
About money.
Yin Jianli advocates giving children pocket money, letting them spend it freely, and letting them learn while spending their own money. But she doesn't advise parents to earn pocket money by doing housework, because it will make children form a wrong concept, family relationships will become business relationships, and children will also develop a mercenary mentality. Originally, it was a pleasure for children to help their parents. If it becomes earning money, children will regard labor as a chore instead.
For children who spend money recklessly, Yin Jianli suggested that parents should pay attention to the underlying causes. Is it because children compare with others, or because parents don't give their children enough emotional support and attention? Only by knowing the reason can we solve the problem.
Enlightenment education should pay attention to two aspects: intellectual enlightenment and emotional enlightenment. Intellectual enlightenment includes language input, mathematics, art, physical education and so on. Emotional enlightenment suggests more contact, more hugs and more caresses to make children happy. Being in a bad mood for a long time can lead to depression.
The misunderstanding of enlightenment education: trust early education institutions, thinking that you can get a good education by spending high prices in early education institutions; Enlightenment education is not to learn knowledge in advance, learning and happiness are not antagonistic, and children can learn in play; Don't trust any test, the result of any test can't determine a child's life.
The most important condition of kindergarten is not environment and equipment, but teachers. A good teacher is a guide for children and an important person who cares for children. What parents need to consider most is whether teachers have love and patience to give their children careful education.
The psychological preparation before entering the park is as follows:
Arouse children's yearning for kindergarten
Cultivate children's self-care ability, but don't overemphasize negative information, such as eating leftovers and being criticized by teachers.
Parents should overcome their separation anxiety.
Don't fight poison with poison.
Teach children to adapt to the rules, positive education and guidance.
Unwilling to go to kindergarten:
Parents keep a relaxed and happy attitude, even if their children cry, don't get angry or compromise easily.
Words and deeds about kindergartens should be positive.
Don't take kindergarten as a task, and don't blame children for not wanting to go occasionally.
Suggestions on choosing kindergartens
Kindergarten is a place to play, not a place to "learn"
Under the premise of ensuring safety, the fewer rules in kindergarten, the better, and the more free, the better.
Unspoken words in a play
What is the subtext? When we talk to children, what we say on the surface is one meaning, and what children feel may be another meaning. This is the subtext that parents should pay attention to.
For example, if you want to invite your children to dinner, some parents say, "A good baby is the most obedient, and mom and dad will come over for dinner as soon as they call." Children may feel that "not eating with their parents is not a good baby."
Some parents said, "If you don't study hard, I won't love you." Children will feel that their parents' love is conditional. If they don't study hard and listen to their parents' instruction, they are not worthy of being loved.
Parents should change their focus from "what I told their children" to "what the children received" when educating.
Subtext is not the result of rational thinking, not that every sentence is carefully thought out before, but that parents' awareness is improved and words are naturally used.
Art education should be sweet.
Children nowadays have a great burden. In addition to studying at school, parents also hope that their children can play piano, chess, calligraphy and painting better, so after-school talent classes emerge one after another. There are many children who study piano and art in order to get a certificate. But is this process pleasant or painful?
Many parents and teachers think that children can persist in learning a talent by strict discipline and scolding, and there should be many children playing and playing the piano. Can children really like art with such study? Is it to appreciate art or to satisfy parents' vanity?
Yin Jianli suggested that art learning should focus on children's interests and cultivate self-confidence, instead of suppressing and forcing learning. For early art learning, it is more important to care about interest than learning skills.
Clever deflection
Children sometimes have unreasonable demands, and parents' combination of hard and soft sometimes doesn't work. At this time, perhaps not responding is the best response, "let the fist hit in the air."
For example, if a child refuses to sleep and his parents pretend to sleep and ignore him, he will naturally fall asleep soon when he is tired of playing. If you blindly compete with children, reason or scold, it will only make things worse.