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"Love children" and "set rules" are never multiple-choice questions.
In fact, it is not uncommon for parents who manage too little and too strictly to be around us. Parents who spoil their children generally think that the pressure their children have to face is already great. Give them a happy childhood and let them indulge without affecting them. On the other hand, strict parents believe that Fiona Fang cannot be achieved without rules. If you don't discipline your child from the details of life now, how can you let your child stand on the society in the future?
Both of these views sound reasonable, but the problem is that the way these parents deal with contradictions is not comprehensive consideration, but a single choice between "loving children" and "making rules". This either-or choice will inevitably have a negative impact on children's growth.
Too much love for children's families leads children to be unruly, impolite and disrespectful; The latter makes children cautious and too self-disciplined.
It is necessary for parents to realize that rules and love are unified.
I quite agree with this sentence: "freedom with rules is called liveliness;" Freedom without rules is unbridled; Not being presumptuous is called discipline, not being active is called dullness. "
It sounds awkward, but it's not hard to understand. For example, "a cattle farm is surrounded by iron fences." Cattle eat grass and drink water in the fence and run around. This is called excitement, and it is not good for herders to interfere; " If you jump out of the gate, you are presumptuous and want to interfere. Don't go out of the fence, this is the rule; If you are in the fence, but you are not allowed to eat grass or drink water, or run around, it is boring. "
By the same token, if our love for our children causes their selfishness and laziness and makes them lack the most basic ability and education, then this kind of love will cause endless harm.
On the contrary, if the rules we set for children cause indifference and neglect at home, and the child's nature is suppressed and stifled, then such rules are meaningless. After all, the essence of home is the destination of the soul, what is needed is sincere care and closeness, and what is needed is kindness and empathy of human nature.
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Make rules for children,
These three principles of parents cannot be ignored:
1. Some things cannot be used to.
Some parents said: "There are rules at home, but there is nothing for children to cheat!"
This is a common problem in many families. Children don't listen to your principles and often threaten their parents by crying and not eating. This is largely because parents have lowered the bottom line again and again.
For example, my child and I agreed to play iPad for only half an hour every day, but when the child cried, the adults gave in, so I played for another half an hour.
Spoiled children have one thing in common, that is, their demands are always met. The first time there is a problem, adults will compromise and will only find more trouble for themselves and their children in the future.
2. Some things must be done by children themselves.
Some parents also think that children are young and slow to do things. It's too late for parents to help their children do everything first, and then to train their children. In fact, there are things that children can do at every age.
Parents can tell their children what they want to do according to their characteristics. Love never does everything, teaching children how to solve problems, not helping them solve problems. This is true love, the right love.
Let children do more things within their power and borrow things to practice their hearts. After a long time, he will learn to stand on his own feet through constant trial and growth.
Some responsibilities must be borne by children themselves.
There is a dialogue in the classic picture book "I Love You Forever":
Ali: "If I decorate my pillow with feathers, will you still love me?"
Mom: "I love you forever, but you have to put away your feathers."
Ali: "If I spill paint on my sister, will you still love me?"
Mom: "I love you forever, but you are responsible for bathing your sister."
The mother in this story did a particularly good job. She took pains to promise, "I will love you forever", but at the same time, she did not forget to emphasize that you are responsible for your actions, son. You should try your best to save or make up for the consequences of your actions.
Parents should not help their children escape, thinking that their children are too young to bear. Instead, let the children bear the consequences for their wrong words and deeds, and let the children have the honesty and courage to face mistakes.
03
These four rules must be cultivated from an early age.
Rule 1: No rude or vulgar behavior.
There is a kind of children who like to force others to obey their will by violent means; Use language to attack and coerce others to realize their wishes. However, such an approach is absolutely not desirable!
What should parents do if children have vulgar words and deeds? First of all, help the child distinguish right from wrong and tell him clearly: "You can't do this in the future. This is rude behavior, you will be criticized! " Then parents guide their children to reflect on themselves and come up with better ways to deal with such things.
Such rules can help children adjust their emotions, learn how to treat what they want and how to deal with their emotions. In this process, children will constantly adjust their views and mentality on things. When he grows up, he will also use this model to treat people around him and become more rational and considerate.
Rule 2: Don't take other people's things casually.
Some children often find it difficult to distinguish themselves from others, let alone know what is their own and what is others'. So as long as it is something he likes, he will reach for it without hesitation, thinking, "If you get it in my hand, it is mine!" " "
In this case, parents should consciously help him to establish his own boundaries with others.
Such rules can help children better distinguish between "yours" and "mine", and know that it is either their own or others', others' things can't be taken, and "mine" things can be at my disposal. This distinction between concepts is the basis of the most basic morality and mentality, and he will know how to respect others when he grows up.
Rule 3: Don't disturb others at will.
When children meet good things, such as being praised by teachers and making a new friend, they always tell their parents excitedly. No matter what parents are doing, they always interrupt without hesitation. And now many parents are "children first", so children are often allowed to interrupt themselves at any time, and children will respond happily. This attitude can easily make children form the habit of not bothering others. When they grow up, they may be self-centered and it is difficult to live in a group.
If a child is found to have such a bad habit, parents should consciously help him correct it in daily life and tell him that it is impolite to disturb others casually. Think about it, if the baby is sleeping and the children always come to talk to you, will the baby be happy? " Let the child learn empathy with calm guidance, let him know that it is very unhappy to be disturbed by others, and then set rules for him.
Such rules can help children learn to respect others, let him know not to disturb others when they are busy, and in the process, children will learn to put themselves in their own shoes and become more considerate, so it is easier to make many good friends!
Rule 4: apologize for doing something wrong and have the right to ask others to apologize.
Parents love their children and always feel that "the child is still young" and let him walk around. Even if the child does not apologize for his mistake, his parents will forgive him with a soft heart. This kind of treatment will make children feel that "it's no big deal to do something wrong, and mom and dad will forgive me anyway." Without restraint, children will inevitably do whatever they want and make more and more serious mistakes.
Apologize for teaching children to do wrong things from an early age. This is a polite boy. When a child makes a mistake, in addition to educating him, he can also let the child say sorry to himself. If his parents are wrong with their children, they should also apologize to him, set a good example for them and follow the rules with them.
Such rules can help children learn to be polite, honest and dare to admit their mistakes. In this process, children also learned to reflect on themselves and began to understand rights protection.
It is our instinct to love children; We have the responsibility to make rules for children and let them grow into independent adults. The unity of rules and love can better achieve the future of children.