Trivial things in life can also bring stress.
"Mom, will you stop talking?" Every time my mother urges me to eat, 4-year-old Lele will beg her. When I first entered the park, Lele was criticized by the teacher for eating slowly. For this reason, Lele once resisted going to kindergarten. She said that she didn't like the life teacher who always said that she ate slowly and always fed her. Later, whenever someone mentioned eating in front of her, Lele would run away and shout, "My ears are closed, stop." Lele's mother realized that eating brought such great psychological pressure to her children.
In fact, in addition to eating, many trivial things in life have far-reaching effects on children. Dr. Wu Enying, a Korean educational psychologist, listed many pressures that children may face in the process of growing up, such as separation anxiety, peer bullying, poor test scores, and parents quarreling. But most of them are daily chores, which are easily overlooked by parents, such as eating, sleeping, getting up, reading, and even games and cartoons.
Children are more stressed than adults.
"We often see children crying, hitting people, biting people and rolling. In fact, these may be extreme reactions under great pressure. " Wang Renping, a famous parent, thinks that children are under more and more pressure than adults, because children are unable to express their emotions and seek help and comfort, and they don't know how to express their emotions and relieve their pressure.
Kerwin Chen, director of Dandilan Kindergarten, analyzed that the pressure faced by children mainly includes the following aspects: 1. Activities are bound. At present, many children have obviously insufficient free time. 2. Lack of communication with peers. Many children have no time to play with their friends when they get home. 3. Too many tasks. Nowadays, children's daily learning tasks are very heavy, including homework left by kindergarten teachers, tasks assigned by participating in various training courses, and extra requirements of parents for their children. These are the reasons for children's psychological stress.
In Wang Renping's view, stress is inevitable for both adults and children. In order for adults and children to learn to face pressure and express their emotions rationally, only by respecting children's dignity and value and trusting their inner self-growth motivation and ability can children build up their courage and wisdom in the face of pressure.
point out
How children behave under pressure.
Chen Jinshu, director of Dandilan Kindergarten
Habit change: night terrors, shallow sleep, difficulty in falling asleep or excessive sleep, and drowsiness all day. Eating habits have also changed: overeating or overeating.
Physical discomfort: fatigue, headache, gastrointestinal discomfort, grinding teeth, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, frequent urination, rash, etc. No special reasons were found after physical examination, or the primary disease (such as allergy) was aggravated without reason. For young children, frequent defecation or enuresis may also be a stress problem after they can control their own urine and urine.
Emotional changes: sadness, nervousness, irritability, panic, etc.
Behavior change: shrinking, attacking (body, oral language), frequent crying, inattention, increased interference, compulsive behavior (often biting fingers, pulling hair, washing hands, patting the head), etc.
Thinking characteristics: negative, stubborn and rigid, hesitant and uneasy.
Family story
There is pressure when you are in a bad mood.
Lin Ju, a famous children educator, is the founder of Huajing Meide Kindergarten.
Once, as Thanksgiving approached, kindergarten teachers and children were nervously preparing. At noon that day, Niu Niu's mother came to the teacher to complain that Niu Niu had to unplug the air conditioner at home and yelled at her grandparents. Dad came out of the study and said he didn't listen. The mother who was cooking came to talk to Niu Niu, but Niu Niu was more energetic. He just unplugged the air conditioning socket. Mom went to hug him, but his name was bad mother.
According to the teacher's analysis, Niu Niu's mother didn't attend last Thanksgiving because of some temporary things. All the other children were accompanied by their parents, except Niu Niu, who didn't speak. Niu Niu's anxiety may have something to do with the coming Thanksgiving.
After school, Niu Niu's mother asked her son, "Are you afraid that Mom won't come again for Thanksgiving?" Niu Niu nodded. Mom said, "This time, mom asked for a day off, and I will accompany you." Niu Niu finally smiled and said, "Mom, I'm not afraid now."
[explanation]
Children are stressed, and crying is the most common solution. Basically, when a child is in a bad mood, that is, when there is pressure, these pressures are basically that the normal needs of the child are not met. Parents should try their best to meet their children's needs, but they can't. They should learn to comfort their children. Understand children's emotions, so that children's emotions, a lot of pressure, setbacks, injuries, are transmitted in children's hearts, leaving no traces.
Encourage children to talk about stress.
Shen Jiahui, an expert in parenting education
When my son was almost four years old, our family moved to Scotland, and my son began to attend kindergarten in Scotland. The change of environment and the language barrier made my son very scared at first. So, I first showed him several kindergartens, observed them and asked him to choose the one that felt most relaxed and secure. Kindergartens in Scotland are very humanized. On the first day of school, send my son to kindergarten. The teacher told me not to go home for the time being, and waited for an hour in another son's invisible room (let him think I went home) to let him adapt to the teacher, classmates and environment first. If there is no problem, I can really go home the next day and pick him up at noon. If the children are not too rejected after three days, they can enter the park. Kindergartens take a step-by-step approach to minimize the pressure that children feel.
[explanation]
I started chatting with my child when he was very young. I learned from his words and expressions that he might face pressure and helped him solve it. Most children's symptoms under stress are physical, not psychological, typically headache and stomachache; The most common emotional reactions are withdrawal, irritability and picky. When children are under pressure, parents should encourage them to speak out instead of blaming or ignoring them.
example
Help children build the ability to manage stress.
Famous parenting blog Wang Renping, Sina 20 12 China model parents.
Parents should give their children unconditional acceptance and love. How many parents regard "control" as their love, which reduces their children's choices, weakens their strength and increases their pressure? In fact, the biggest source of stress for children is lack of security and self-confidence, and fear of being abandoned by their parents. Because children often feel that their parents love not themselves, but their own performance; Not in reality, but in expectation.
Parents should set a good example. In daily life, how to face and manage their own pressure and how to express their emotions are all examples for children.
Parents should carefully study the common sense of children's growth and development laws and carefully observe the personality differences of children's talents. We often complain that children are unreasonable. In fact, we often don't pay enough attention to it and have no ability to interpret and respond to children's real needs in time.
Children are limited by age, life experience, cognitive and thinking ability, and their ability to manage stress is still very limited. Therefore, parents should not only set an example, but also gradually teach their children to understand various pressures and express their emotions rationally through demonstrations, games, picture books and stories. For example, let children cry for a while if they want to cry, draw their dissatisfaction with graffiti, and even break the pillow to release their physical strength.