There are two ways of inconsistency, one is the conflict between values and outlook on life, and the other is the conflict of perspectives. Relatively speaking, the former is more harmful to children.
When parents educate their children, they value different things because of different concepts. For example, mothers may be more emotional. I hope that children will not be wronged, try their best to meet their needs, and care for and protect their children.
The father may think that children should be successful and excellent, and more should be educated from the aspects of rationality and standardization. Different values lead to different educational attitudes and methods. For example, at 1 1 in the evening, the child's homework has not been finished, and the mother is very distressed. How can she stand staying up so late? Go to sleep. And dad may think that it is the child's duty to finish homework. He can't sleep until he finishes writing, but he can sleep after writing. This creates a contradiction. This kind of conflict is easy to do great harm to children. The child doesn't know what to do. Should they sleep? Or should I do my homework?
There is such a case that Xiaoli, a junior, has recently shown some anxiety and depression. As long as she feels that something has not been done well, she will take an evasive approach and make no effort. After consulting, Teacher Li Huisheng thinks that this has a lot to do with Xiaoli's parents' education methods. Xiaoli's mother and father are two completely different ways of education. Her mother arranged everything for her and had high expectations of her. And dad thinks children should be given a chance to exercise. Because mom is too strong, dad basically has no right to speak, but dad's dissatisfaction is seen by Xiaoli. Influenced by her parents, Xiaoli has high expectations for herself on the one hand, and shows a sense of incompetence (not ability but attitude) on the other. She is often in such a contradiction that she wants to be the first in the class, but at the same time she evades the exam. Because she is afraid that she will not reach the expected goal and accept the result, she chooses to escape.
It is normal for parents to have differences and conflicts in educating their children, but different expressions can produce different effects.
Because everyone's experience is different, such as education level and family life since childhood, it is normal to have different views and requirements on children's education. This requires parents to choose between expressions.
First, parents should not have direct conflicts in front of their children. The child doesn't know who to obey, and he is confused and helpless.
Second, even if they are inconsistent, they should adopt a negotiation approach to their children. Mom thinks so, and dad thinks so. You can judge for yourself what you want to do. Maybe mom and dad have their own reasons, but the expression is consultative, and they are very equal and respectful to their children.
Third, parents should communicate with their children before reaching a consensus. "Mom and Dad agree that this is the right thing to do."
There should be different expressions for children of different ages. The first way is unacceptable at any age. When the child reaches puberty, the second method is better. The third kind is adopted when children are young.