Children often insist on things they don't know, such as pressing the elevator by themselves, wearing their favorite clothes, and wearing anti-shoes ... Usually this situation is mostly for children under three and a half years old. At this stage, children want to explore the environment because they don't have enough life experience, so when they see adults doing something, they naturally want to try it.
In view of children's persistent behavior, four suggestions are given to help parents maintain positive parenting styles.
1. If allowed, let children practice more, which can cultivate their awareness and meet the needs of exploration.
Children from one and a half to three years old are in a "critical period of self-identity", which is what we generally call a rebellious period. In order to establish his own existence, he will unconsciously reject some ideas different from him. Therefore, even if parents euphemistically say, children may still resist, which is very common for children under three years old.
If the child does "no immediate danger", in fact, it is suggested that parents can try to take a step back. At present, don't give him immediate correction, let the child practice himself more when allowed, and then help the child to confirm before doing the same thing next time, and then guide and assist in implementation.
Usually, children don't find their actions incorrect because they haven't noticed the problem, so what we want to help him is to "cultivate his consciousness", which takes time.
Kelnott warmly reminds: Let children practice more, which can not only cultivate their consciousness, but also meet their inner needs of exploring and adapting to the environment. When their inner needs are often met, but they just want to do it but can't, he will be less depressed.
2. Tell in advance that "prevention is better than cure"
If children often insist on pressing the elevator floor (for example, insisting on pressing the elevator floor by themselves), then adults can inform them in advance (for example, there will be many people going to the mall on weekends, so you can't press the elevator floor by yourself). When children are not in the mood, it is ideal for you to make an agreement with them, so as to avoid the noisy situation that children do not meet expectations.
Try to avoid temporary discussions with children. Don't tell him what to do when something happens or when he goes out. Instead, you can discuss what may happen or what clothes to wear with your child one or two hours before going out, or the night before, so that you can have enough time to communicate and make an appointment with your child.
Kelnott warmly reminds: In fact, in many cases, education should do "prevention is better than cure", but if our preparation work and intensity are not done well, when children want to cry, we will be more indifferent to it.
3. Inform in advance, but the child still has emotions, and the adults should settle down in it first.
If the child's mood is still high, please do the same, but don't deal with it. Never reason with a child when he is emotional.
For example:
"There are a lot of people today, and we have no choice but to xxx. 」
"You will disturb others so loudly! 」
"If you do this again, dad won't take you out next time! 」
When children are emotional, adults should settle down first; We should understand that this is the way children express their emotions, because they haven't gained enough self-control, and adults can't solve problems effectively even if they are angry.
If children still insist, adults can make their own decisions "kindly" and "firmly"
Adler's positive upbringing has a principle. When your child can't make a rational choice and you can't get him to cooperate, you should make your decision kindly and firmly.
This means that when your child insists on doing irrational things no matter how to explain and guide him (such as wearing a thin T-shirt outside 10 degrees), then you make a decision for him.
But the key is to "implement it kindly and firmly", so that after a long time, the child will know your norms: "yes, yes, no, no", and he will be more aware that there are clear principles in the norms you give, and he will be easier to adapt.
Reference: "Parent-child World" Luo Hongbao