In today's society, there are many news about children's physical abuse. No matter how parents talk about transsexuality, they cannot avoid the important topic of sex education. However, it is a pity that although many people admit that sex education is very important, there are still many misconceptions and behavioral misunderstandings in the process of sex education for parents.
Myth 1: Children usually don't need any sex education. If anything happens to them, we need to educate them
Fact: It's like not telling children how to obey the traffic lights, which direction to look when crossing the road, and educating them after an accident. I believe that no one will recognize this kind of education. So why do people have such ideas about sex education? It's still a cultural puzzle about transsexuality. Just like in the heartbreaking novel Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise, Fang Siqi's mother said: Our family doesn't need sex education, and sex education is for those who need sex. In fact, sex education can not only prevent children from being hurt, but also be extremely important for a person's physical and mental growth. During the years of doing sex education for teenagers in Qingxing, we found that many physical and sexual problems encountered by boys and girls in their twenties were related to the lack of good family sex education in childhood. For example, since childhood, girls have not been educated to know their bodies, resist their fears, and have no confidence in themselves, which leads to the inability to enjoy sex in adulthood or even after marriage, and to make responsible decisions for themselves in sexual relations. Therefore, family sex education in childhood is very important for a person's growth.
Myth 2: I'm sorry to say the name of the genitals directly, and use words like penis and little sister instead.
Fact: The first step of desensitization to sex is to say sex-related words directly to children, including the names of genitals, instead of replacing them with words like penis and little sister. This is very important, because if you don't say it directly, it will give the child an impression that the genitals are dirty and it is embarrassing to say it. Over time, it will make children feel that sex is shameful and cannot be discussed. Although most of them are young parents born after 80s and 90s, this does not mean that this generation of parents receive much better sex education than the previous generation. Many people don't fully understand their bodies and sex, and are ashamed to talk about sex with their partners. Conceptually, many parents still have a set of traditional and conservative values, which makes them embarrassed to talk about sex with their children and even instill some wrong sexual concepts. Therefore, before giving sex education to children, I suggest parents make up a sex education class by themselves. Although it is impossible to change the concept overnight, at least we should face up to sex itself as a basic feature and activity of human beings. Not shameful, abnormal, dirty or immoral. On the contrary, it is a natural thing, a desire that most people have, which can bring good positive results and may also cause harm to people. David, American doctor of medicine; Ruben once said: each of us has experienced a seven-inch journey from penis to vagina, and we all lived in our mother's womb for 280 days. Now we have no reason to be ashamed, because that's where we once traveled and grew up. Therefore, only when parents openly talk about sex-related topics can they better guide their children.
Myth 3: Sex education is not necessary until the child reaches puberty.
Fact: Adolescence is only the beginning of children's second sexual characteristics, but before that, children already have their first sexual characteristics, so sex education must not wait until adolescence. More and more news shows that there are not a few children who have been sexually assaulted. The abuser will not wait until your child reaches puberty to commit a crime. On the contrary, they just took advantage of their children's lack of sex education, their ignorance of their own bodies and their lack of self-protection awareness, thus infringing on their rights. Therefore, from the perspective of self-protection, sex education cannot wait until after puberty. In fact, from the birth of everyone, sex education is accompanied by TA's life, just as the elderly also need sex education suitable for the elderly, and they also need sex education in infancy. Even 0-3 years old is the golden age of sex education, because during this period, children begin to explore their own bodies (even studies have shown that the fetus behaves like masturbation when it is in its mother's stomach, and it will feel good to put its hands on the genitals). Therefore, parents should teach their children to know their genitals from an early age and cultivate their children's good hygiene habits. Parent-child bathing before the age of 6 is a good way of sex education, which is natural and true. Parents can easily help their children to know their own bodies and the bodies of the opposite sex, understand the differences between the two sexes, and at the same time help their children accept their own bodies, not regard the genital parts as shameful parts, and also teach them how to clean their genitals.
Myth 4: When answering children's questions about where I come from, I can't explain it too clearly, otherwise it will let children know about sex too early.
Fact: Today's parents may not answer their children's questions by picking them up in the trash can. Such an answer not only fails to give children the correct sex education, but also makes them feel disrespected. The correct way to answer is to answer the child's questions directly in a language that the child can understand. For example, tell the child that it came out of the mother's uterus and vagina. If the child is satisfied with the answer, there is no need to explain. If he is not satisfied with the question, he can continue to explain the process of sperm and eggs meeting and what is the sexual behavior. Don't worry too much that children will learn about sex too early, because it has become common sense to them just like apples are sweet. Moreover, it is much better to get the correct answer from parents than to get some incorrect or valuable answers from other places. As children grow up and get in touch with the outside world, children may have more questions about sexual topics, such as asking parents what condoms are and what painless abortion is. Parents must not hide and avoid answering these questions, but answer them with correct knowledge.
Myth 5: Sex education is to tell children that sex is very dangerous, and you must never let others touch your body, otherwise your life will be over.
Fact: It is very important to educate children to protect their bodies and deal with possible sexual assault. However, it should be noted that while teaching children to avoid sexual assault, they should not only mention the negative harm caused by sex, but also tell them the positive side of sex. Because sex itself is not necessarily negative, it is neutral, and it can be a very beautiful thing after meeting some principles (voluntariness, respect, harmlessness and privacy). If there is no correct and comprehensive sex education, just being educated can't touch the taboo field of sex, otherwise it will be very dangerous and will suffer. After a long time, children will be very afraid and exclusive of sex, which will also affect their self-confidence and have a far-reaching impact on intimate relationships and sexual relationships in adulthood. In fact, after comprehensive and correct sex education, children will naturally know when to refuse and when to agree, which means that children have the ability and right to make responsible decisions. If there is no comprehensive sex education, although children learn from their parents that sex is dangerous and untouchable, they can't make decisions for themselves when they really encounter situations, because they don't know what they want or don't want, so they don't know whether to agree or refuse. If a child is unfortunately sexually assaulted in the process of growing up, it will definitely have an impact on the child's growth, future intimacy and self-awareness, which everyone does not want to see. But if it does happen, it is one thing to bring the perpetrators to justice. On the other hand, parents need to constantly encourage and comfort their children, instead of blaming them or thinking that their life is coming to an end. Even in the adult world, sexual assault (especially against women) will lead to secondary injuries, including blaming the victim, such as blaming TA for exposing her clothes and thinking that the victim has been defiled and can't get married for life. It is not easy to change this concept and social environment. It is not easy for an abused adult to accept that physical violence will not ruin my life, let alone a child. However, as parents, we should try our best to help our children get out of the shadow of sexual assault, and never instill in them the idea that your life is over.
Myth 6: Sex education is only for parents with girls at home. My family is a boy and we don't need sex education.
Fact: In 2008, UBS Charity Foundation conducted a three-year survey on child abuse in various countries. The data shows that 8% of minors said they had been sexually assaulted to varying degrees, and the proportion of boys was 2.7% higher than that of girls. In fact, it is more difficult for boys to find out whether they are sexually assaulted by the same sex or the opposite sex. The psychological damage of sexually assaulted boys is even greater than that of girls, because boys are always taught to be brave and not to cry easily when they grow up. Boys are even more reluctant to tell their parents when they encounter difficulties or experience pain. Parents may also pay more attention to girls not being hurt and ignore boys who are actually more vulnerable. To change this situation, parents should first face up to sex education for boys. Besides telling them the importance of self-protection, we should also convey to them the correct and equal concept of gender. For example, boys don't have to be brave and competitive forever. Boys can cry when they encounter difficulties and pains, and they can also tell others not to form gender stereotypes. Nowadays, many people will say: we should educate girls to protect themselves and boys not to hurt others. But in fact, this is also a gender stereotype, as if men are always the perpetrators and women are always the victims. In fact, an important measure to reduce sexual assault is to do a good job in gender education. Don't let toxic male chauvinism affect boys, let them form the idea that violence against others is to show their manly side. This is not to say that boys should be raised as girls and girls as boys, but that children's own personality and preferences may be more important than ta's physiological gender. Therefore, it is necessary to cultivate ta according to the child's personality characteristics and highlight the characteristics of ta as a unique person, instead of choosing different parenting methods just according to the gender of ta.
Myth 7: Sex education is more suitable for mothers, and fathers will not participate.
Fact: Sex education requires the participation of both parents. Like all other education, it requires the participation of parents, not just the responsibility of one of them. It is the best time for parents to teach their children different body structures together when their children are still young and not so clear about the physical differences between men and women. For example, parent-child bathing is a good way to let children see the physical differences between men and women intuitively and satisfy their curiosity. After puberty, children begin to have hazy sexual consciousness. If they are told of physical changes by the same sex, they will be more acceptable and avoid embarrassment. My mother can talk about the knowledge of menstruation and physical development of girls, and my father can talk about the physical development and nocturnal emission of boys. But parents can still participate in their children's self-protection, love relationship and gender education. In fact, in today's social environment of widowed children, many families take care of and educate their children almost entirely by women alone. It's time for men to share the burden of raising children. Let more fathers know that raising children is not just making money to support their families. Giving children a warm and loving harbor, giving them the greatest protection and the most selfless love is what children need most in the process of growing up. Family sex education in childhood is very important for a person's growth. Sex education is not only the popularization of knowledge, but also the cultivation and shaping of children's values and personality. While answering a child's question about sex, we are also conveying our values to the child, never understanding, respecting and accommodating, from black and white binary values to rich and diverse values. This is the progress of sex education, as well as the progress of values and personality education. Fortunately, we live in such an era. With the improvement of public attention and the change of people's ideas, children's sex education will be paid more and more attention in family education.
Finally, I recommend some videos, picture books and sex education books to you. I hope your children can grow up more confidently and safely.
Picture book: About the body: Serena rushes forward, the story of penis, the story of breast, yeah! Ass, breast milk, baby's birth, our body about preventing sexual assault: don't kiss me casually, don't walk with strangers casually, don't touch me casually, learn to protect yourself about gender education: William's doll, paper bag princess, Zhujiajian Island's story, and the book about owl's early childhood sex education 13. Talking about sex with children, from diapers to dating, important sex affects children's life, videos and movies: talking about sex education between father and son, sex study room, sober understanding of my sex, one-minute sex education and Ding Doudou's growth story.
Text/Founder of Xiao Shuang Youth Sex Education Social Enterprise, Grade 4 Reproductive Health Consultant, with seven years' experience in sex education. He was a special guest speaker at the annual meeting of TEDxBeijing20 15, which broke young people's bodies and sexual hearts.