"You are so stupid!" Or "Are you a wooden head?"

All aspects of the family are very important to the healthy growth of children and the edification of personality. Parents should take the cultivation of sound personality as the center of family education, attach importance to and strengthen the cultivation of children's good moral character, and abstain from behaviors that will have adverse effects in family education, so as to effectively construct children's sound personality. The following are the "Ten Commandments" in family education. In order to ensure that children can grow up in a healthy psychological environment, parents must watch it!

2. Don't intimidate children

Disciplining children with intimidation will also weaken their self-concept.

If parents say, "Do it again next time, you will look good!" Or "if you hit your brother again, mom will give you a good beating." "

Every time children hear these words, they will be afraid and sad, thus generating a sense of fear for their parents. Whenever this contempt for children blurts out, it will damage children's self-esteem and weaken their self-concept.

3. Don't bribe children

It is not a good idea for some parents to promise their children to buy something if they behave well in school. Such a bribe will trigger the motivation of children to do things from the inside out. He studies not for the good self-concept he has established, but for material rewards. This is not conducive to children to establish a good learning purpose.

4. Don't force your child to promise "Don't dare next time"

When the child made a mistake, the mother said angrily, "well, now you have to promise me that you will never do this again." But after a while, the old problems appeared again. My mother felt cheated and scolded angrily, "Why didn't you behave yourself when you promised your mother?" Mothers should know that it is meaningless to make children promise. Commitment and intimidation are a pair. He is my brother and will not play a positive role in children. If you meet a sensitive child, forcing him to agree will make him feel sad again. Even if the child is not sensitive, it will make the child duplicity. 5. Don't overprotect and supervise children.

Excessive protection and supervision of children will dampen their self-concept and weaken their ability to cultivate their autonomy. Because when parents supervise their children's behavior too much, they are actually telling their children: "You can't take care of yourself." Most parents have no confidence in their children's self-care ability. We should take "as long as children can do it themselves, they will never do it all" as our motto. Only in this way can children gradually cultivate their self-care ability.

6. Don't nag your children.

Too much nagging will make children feel that their parents think that they have no ability to understand things. Over time, children will feel disgusted and unhappy. In fact, explaining things to children in an orderly way will enhance their self-confidence and self-esteem. 7. Don't force children to blindly obey others immediately.

If you force your child to leave what he is doing and listen to you to do something else, his reaction will be very unhappy. Parents should remind their children in advance what to do in the future, such as "Xiaojun, you should come in for dinner in about ten minutes!" " At the same time, they can also allow children a little freedom to complain before obeying orders, for example, "Oh, Mom, do I have to come in now?" "Simply asking children to obey immediately is ineffective for cultivating independent and self-regulating people. 8. Don't pamper your children too much.

Spoiling children is not good for them. Because sooner or later, children will grow up and go to society. Some things that work at home are hard to say outside. Therefore, indulging children will only deprive them of the opportunity to develop their potential abilities and hinder them from becoming capable, independent and self-regulating. 9. Don't discipline children with inconsistent rules.

Some parents make rules at will according to their emotions, and the same behavior is sometimes punished and sometimes let him go. This will confuse the children. Children need you to teach you with a set of consistent, credible and reliable rules, and educate him with a set of consistent, credible and reliable rules. 10. Don't make rules that are not suitable for children's age.

If you want a two-year-old child to act like a five-year-old child, it will only make him feel incompetent. Because what you expect from him is a level of behavior that he can't reach at his age. At this time, his self-concept has a very bad influence.

After reading seven family education problems that have benefited a lot.

The discussion on the importance of family education aims to make the family, society and education departments jointly undertake the task of educating the next generation. How to read children's books and how to make family education achieve good results? Listen to the expert's answer.

Even if 98% is praise and encouragement, 2% should be reserved for criticism.

Q: In the previous stage, someone put forward a new concept of "appreciation education" with a slogan: "Good children are boasted." Do you agree with this view?

Expert: This view is not comprehensive. Education must pay attention to dialectics, not extreme slogans. I am in favor of more appreciation, more praise and more encouragement, but good children are not boasted, but the result of comprehensive education, including family education, school education and social influence. Family education includes parents' role models, family environment and educational methods, including praise and criticism. Unprincipled praise is not only bad for children's growth, but also easy to make children complacent, reduce their psychological endurance and even not adapt to the future society.

Q: In other words, if you find a child's shortcomings, you can't turn a blind eye and let it go. You should give him the necessary education and even punishment?

Expert: Yes, it is negative reinforcement. It is difficult for a child who has not been criticized and wronged to become a success. The important role of negative education is that it can make children realize what they can't do and adjust their behavior in time.

Children need praise and criticism. My opinion is: praise is the main thing, criticism is the auxiliary thing; Strictly love the combination, and combine rigidity with softness. Even if 98% is praise and encouragement, 2% should be reserved for criticism.

Similar ideas attract, while opposite ideas repel.

Q: Because of the big age gap between parents and children, there is often a deep generation gap and estrangement, so it is not easy to understand and communicate with each other ideologically. Do you have any good ideas about this?

Expert: It is one of the most important principles for parents to look at children with their eyes and always maintain a childlike innocence. Some parents always want their children to behave themselves and turn them into "little adults". This age-out education often creates a gap between the two generations. It is much better to put yourself in the child's shoes when encountering problems.

Q: Parents expect too much from their children, so they set too high standards and requirements. Can you also use your "ladder theory" to solve them?

Expert: Not bad. There is a phenomenon in education, which is called "similar ideas attract, while opposite ideas repel". Your point of view is far away from children, and it is not easy to be accepted by children; Your point of view is similar to that of children, and children are naturally easy to accept. Therefore, parents should first lower their standards and find a place close to their children for counseling. It's like going up a step. If you want to pull the child up the steps, you have to go down first, get close to the child and then pull it up. If you are far away from your children, it is often difficult for them to get close to you.

Beware of "Yin flourishes while Yang declines" and strengthen "male education"

Q: Now some fathers pass on the responsibility of education to their wives, but they avoid leisure. Some are too busy to manage because of their work; Some have a bad temper and can't be angry with children; Others simply don't care, and feel that it is natural for a wife to take responsibility for educating her children. How to treat this phenomenon of "Yin flourishes while Yang declines" in family education?

Expert: Father is a mountain, mother is the sea, and parents have their own advantages. We must complement and balance Yin and Yang, and we must prevent the phenomenon of "Yin flourishes while Yang declines" in family education.

I once did a survey. In family education, 50% are mothers, 20% are fathers, and 30% are equally divided. Since ancient times, "it is the father's fault to raise but not teach", and it is a great mistake for a father to give up the responsibility of educating his children. Husband and wife must be consistent in educating their children, and both sides should take the initiative to educate their children, so that children will feel that their parents care about themselves and dare not take advantage of them.

From feeding in infancy to school education in kindergartens, primary schools and junior high schools, our children have now received enough maternal education. If the father gives up the educational responsibility at home and the children receive a series of female education from an early age, how can they be masculine? If children lack male education, their character, emotion and will will will be affected to some extent.

Desalinate the traces of education and teach without teaching.

Q: Parents always expect immediate teaching, but it often backfires. Is this eagerness for success also an important reason for the tension between parents and children?

Expert: Parents should remember "three points for teaching, seven points for grading". Three-point teaching is moderate teaching. If you preach too much, children will be rebellious, but the effect is not good. Waiting for seven minutes means that parents should be patient with their children. If you are impatient, you will have conflicts with your children. Education sometimes requires waiting, children's personal experience, and even some detours and falls. Children need more time and the polishing of the world to grow into adults, which can never be done overnight. If you encourage young people, you will lose more than you gain.

Parents should be patient when communicating with their children. After the conversation, don't rush to let the children express their opinions. Let the children go back and think about it. At that time, a statement was made immediately to admit mistakes, which were often false. Only through the ideological struggle can we have a real understanding.

Q: You first put forward the concept of "teaching without teaching". Can you elaborate on this concept?

Expert: That's exactly what I want to emphasize. The best education is not to criticize and reprimand, not to impose punishment, but to dilute the traces of education and let the educated be subtly affected. Teaching without teaching means infiltrating educational content into games, chatting and life, so that children can receive education unconsciously in a harmonious and natural atmosphere.

Source: (/s/blog _ 6457e99b0100glq1.html)-The correct memorandum on family education _drrty_ Sina blog Ten "minutes" for astronauts, a satellite can be lifted into the air in one minute, and for prospectors, it can be drilled in one minute. As a parent, if you use your life and make good use of "one minute", the sky of your child will shine with a gorgeous rainbow. One-minute contact with parents should pay attention to touching the child's head and shoulders, holding the child's hand, passing on the affection between parents and children through contact, and passing on love and strength to the child. Listen for a minute. Don't always let the children listen. Parents can change their perspective, listen to their children's voices and enter their inner world. When listening to children, you must be focused, energetic and amiable. One-minute game clumsy children have fun in the game, smart children learn knowledge in the game, and excellent children gain wisdom in the game. Games can enhance the feelings of parents and children, improve children's interest in life and adjust their mental state. Games played by parents and children must be healthy, active and interesting. When parents correct their children's mistakes in one minute, they must clearly point out what the correct behavior should be and what harm the wrong behavior will bring. Correcting children's wrong behavior should not be allowed to develop. But in the face of children's mistakes, parents should first find out whether they are caused by subjective or non-subjective factors, and how serious they are. Correction should also pay attention to the occasion, the language should be gentle, the attitude should be gentle, and we should not rush for success. A minute's encouragement can make people full of confidence forever. Parents should have patience and perseverance, stimulate their children's interest in life and study, stimulate their self-confidence and constantly promote their development. Praise a child for a minute, there will always be his unique advantages. As parents, we should pay attention to the outstanding performance of children in life and study, seize the best opportunity and give praise. In the process of praise, we should pay attention to the way, place, intonation, opportunity, degree and so on. Participating in a family for one minute, parents should respect their children's dominant position, understand their opinions, and try their best to involve their children in the management of family affairs and reach a consensus, which will be conducive to the formation of a good family atmosphere. In the process of children's participation, respect and guidance should be combined, and children should not be subject to everything. Punish the child for a very serious negligence in one minute, and you must punish him, otherwise the child may go astray. Therefore, parents should show their attitude, point out the nature of the mistake and order it to be corrected, but they must never hurt their children and avoid confrontation. Show your love in one minute. Parents should let their children know that you are their favorite person. Even when you have serious problems, parents will punish you, which is also the responsibility of parents to fulfill their love. Parents must have certain skills to express their love for their children. One-minute expectation Parents should let their children know what they expect of their children. For example, parents can talk to their children about the mental process of growth at an appropriate time, so that children can know that parents do not want their children to suffer the same setbacks; You can talk to your child about a beautiful life ideal. But parents' expectations of their children should be rational and realistic.

Correct tone of family education Successful family education is closely related to parents' verbal expression. In particular, the tone of parents talking to their children will have a far-reaching impact on their emotional intelligence, IQ, temperament and self-cultivation. The tone of trust children especially want to be trusted by adults, especially parents, so they should show full trust when talking to children. If your child wants to learn to play badminton, you can say in a trusting tone, "Star, as long as you study hard and study hard, you will definitely learn to play." This invisibly gives the child a kind of self-confidence and makes him understand that only persistence can achieve success. Never use sarcastic tone, which will hurt the child's self-esteem and make him feel insecure about his ability. The tone of respect begins at the age of two or three, and children's self-awareness begins to sprout, and this self-awareness will become stronger and stronger with age. Children have their own opinions, which shows that children know their own strength and ability. When he puts forward his different opinions and demands, he should use a respectful tone: "Then you can play for a while, but after that, you must learn English." Children are willing to accept it. The tone of the discussion is that every child has self-esteem. If you want your child to do something, you can let him know that he is equal to you and you respect him. For example, if you want your children to pick up toys that have fallen on the ground, you can say, "Stars and toys are littered. What a bad habit. Will you organize toys with your mother? " Never use the tone of command, otherwise children will be disgusted with your criticism and will be unhappy even if they do what you ask. The tone of appreciation Every child has advantages and a desire to express himself. Finding and appreciating a child's advantages will make him more willing to show it. The child drew a picture, perhaps not very well, but the enthusiasm and seriousness of the child's painting is the greatest advantage. When a child shows you a painting, you can't take it lightly, which will make the child lose enthusiasm and confidence in painting. His works should be affirmed in an appreciative tone. Children's desire for expression is satisfied, and they will be more interested in painting if they have a happy emotional experience. It is impossible to encourage children to be blameless. When a child does something wrong, don't criticize blindly, but help him learn from his mistakes, accumulate experience and encourage him to succeed again. For example, when a child helped his mother to fill a meal for the first time, her mother fell to the ground and smashed it. You can't blame him, it will hurt children's confidence and courage to try new things. We should use an encouraging tone, not only to teach practical methods, but also to give children the confidence to try again. What kind of relationship should parents establish with their children in terms of their development? 1. Treat children with respect and consideration. Respect means treating the child as an independent person, rather than being dominated and controlled by adults. To give children enough respect, we must meet their independent needs. Adults can accept and understand when children make mistakes or are imperfect. For example, if a child pours water badly, it will knock over, or it will move very slowly. At this time, you should have enough patience and fully understand your child. If we don't understand the child and see that the child is not doing well and unsatisfactory, we will replace it, and the child will feel that he is not good and gradually lose confidence. Montessori said that adults must treat children "humbly". What does this "humility" mean? Adults should try to understand their children. If you don't understand your child's needs and abilities, you are not modest to your child. How to understand children? Through activities, give children opportunities for games and activities, and observe children with a sincere attitude that I don't understand children. Discover children's needs and abilities in activities, so that children can have a clear understanding of their independent development and social communication development. On the contrary, adults' humble attitude is to stick to the rules and think they know everything about their children. "I knew that children were like this", "I didn't expect" and "I had foresight" ... thus undermining children's interest in activities and their willingness to develop independently. Children are developing and changing every day, and tomorrow's ability is different from today's, so we should know children and understand them modestly. 2. Always work or play with children. Parents should allocate some time to play with their children every day. When working or playing with children, we should talk with them in the right language and polite language, so that children can develop good language habits from an early age. Through playing and playing games with children, we can understand the growth of children's personality, temper and ability. And children can also feel their parents' care and love for him. This is very important for the establishment of a good parent-child relationship and the happy growth of children. 3. Establish a flexible parent-child relationship with children. Adults should pay attention to children's development and growth. As children become independent, adults don't have to help them with everything. Don't be too wordy, it depends on the child's ability and growth. Sometimes children don't want to listen to what their parents say. They think their parents are old-fashioned and don't want to talk to them more because the parent-child relationship in the family is inflexible. Flexible parent-child relationship means that parents can understand the development of children's ability, let children do what they can, and only help children when they really need help. In this way, adults and children can work and live in a relaxed and happy environment. Good family education condensed five sentences.

(1) Good parents are learned.

2 1 century, the information society requires more and more people's quality, and any post needs training and assessment. However, it seems that only children are born, and without education, it seems that they will automatically find jobs and will never be laid off. In fact, this understanding is wrong. Everyone should learn relevant knowledge before becoming a parent. The sooner you prepare your awareness and knowledge of how to be a parent, the better.

An excellent mother even said: Many people think I am relaxed and say that your children are so excellent that I don't need your care at all. As we all know, I even sleep with one eye open at night!

(2) Good children are taught.

What excellent parents have in common is that they spend a lot of time on educating their children. Some people may say that so many parents can't read a word, isn't it also educating their children? In fact, illiteracy is not uneducated, and these parents are also experts in educating their children. The mother of Ann Jin Peng, the gold medal winner of the world middle school students' Mathematical Olympiad, never graduated from junior high school, but let her children learn four operations by heart before going to primary school. How many parents who graduated from college can do this?

(3) the formation of good habits.

In fact, most of children's habits-good or bad-are cultivated by our parents intentionally or unintentionally. My parents have been teaching so much that they don't realize that they are teaching. This is "hidden education", which is much more powerful than "explicit education" and is also essential.

Most excellent children are the result of quality education, while problem children is the product of problem families. Most of the children's problems are not caused by the children themselves, but reflect the parents' problems. Parents are often the biggest maker of children's problems and the biggest obstacle for children to correct their mistakes and shortcomings. The urgent task is not to educate children, but to educate parents. Without the change of parents, there will be no change of children.

(d) Good communication is audible to all.

Most excellent parents do well in these aspects, and their good communication comes from consciously following these three steps. The first step is to listen, that is, let the children speak out and understand the true meaning of their words. The second step is understanding, that is, whether it makes sense to think from the child's point of view, and the result is often reasonable. The third step is advice, that is, a reasonable child may not be able to take the right action. At this time, parents should give advice.

(5) Good grades are made.

Intelligence is not the most important thing. What is more important than intelligence is will. What is more important than will is morality. What is more important than morality is a person's mind and ambition.

The most important factors, such as will, morality and mind, are not through "explicit education" such as parents' preaching, but through parents' behavior, that is, "implicit education", which is transformed into children's flesh and blood, so as to produce results. Therefore, when children stand on their parents' shoulders, they can walk as far and as high as their parents.

Let the children do as they are told. Listen carefully. We adults always feel that we know the situation better and understand things better than children, so we often say "what you say is wrong" to children ... when a person's true feelings are constantly denied, how can we not feel confused and angry? In fact, we adults will do the same. You might as well stand in the children's position to understand them. When a child expresses his feelings to you, crouch down and listen carefully. This is respect for the child. Jia Ni's mother simply responded to the child. When a child is confused, it is difficult for him to have a clear thinking and a positive attitude to look at the problem if he only gets the suspicion and blame of his parents. So, when the child said to me, "Someone stole my pencil." I often use "oh?" Or use "is that so?" Waiting for simple words to respond, so that children can learn to sort out their thoughts and feelings in the narrative, and thus may find a solution. Xinyu's father asked his children to express their feelings. Once, my daughter told me, "The little turtle is dead." I immediately responded to her: "Really, what a surprise." The daughter said sadly, "It's my good friend." "Yes, it's really hard to lose a good friend." I am deeply sympathetic. The daughter said that her mood was much more stable. In fact, as long as someone understands the child's inner feelings, she can get comfort from it. Bobo's mother comments: It is very important for children to be obedient and respect them. Be good at helping children face their inner feelings. Because, only when they know what kind of feelings they are experiencing, can they start looking for solutions. In life, we should avoid the conversation between parents and children from turning into quarrels or silent confrontations.