I chatted with my friends two days ago and talked about children's education. She told me this: I got married with my husband last March. That day, I was preparing in the hotel locker room. My husband's five-year-old niece came to see me. At first, she praised me as "my aunt is so beautiful", and I was just about to reply with a smile. She went on to say, "Aunt, when are you getting divorced?"
I was speechless for an instant and didn't know how to answer. The child's mother is still chatting with someone. Hearing her words, she smiled and said, "Never mind." I listened at that time, but I didn't say "it doesn't matter" for a long time.
In fact, there are not a few such children in reality, but they are often simply revealed by adults. What does it matter if the children are still young and ignorant? As we all know, children's children's words often reflect a family's tutor. A friend said that she saw her little niece yelling at her parents more than once, and the whole family had to let her go when she lost her temper. And the mother who said "children are not sensible" can only comfort herself with the same words every time.
As we all know, when children were young, they didn't get the guidance and correction they deserved. When I grow up, it will only make people feel disgusted: this person is really ill-bred. There was a blogger in Weibo who spoke out: Once my eldest son was disobedient, I casually said, "You are going to make me angry." The six-year-old son immediately said, "You are a dead man. Please tell me your mobile phone password!" " "I feel shocked and ashamed. How can a 6-year-old child say such a thing mercilessly? From that day on, I have been reflecting on what is wrong with my education ... I have to say that some children's "childlike innocence" is innocent and lovely, and some children's "unbridled" is unscrupulous and I don't know how to measure it. I saw such a comment on the internet that children's children's children's words are unscrupulous, which may be the fuse between adults. If the child blurts it out, it is probably the language used by the adults behind the child. As soon as you listen, it becomes "children's talk"
As we all know, when children were young, they didn't get the guidance and correction they deserved. When I grow up, it will only make people feel disgusted: this person is really ill-bred. There was a blogger in Weibo who spoke out: Once my eldest son was disobedient, I casually said, "You are going to make me angry." The six-year-old son immediately said, "You are a dead man. Please tell me your mobile phone password!" " "I feel shocked and ashamed. How can a 6-year-old child say such a thing mercilessly? From that day on, I have been reflecting on what is wrong with my education ... I have to say that some children's "childlike innocence" is innocent and lovely, and some children's "unbridled" is unscrupulous and I don't know how to measure it. I saw such a comment on the internet that children's children's children's words are unscrupulous, which may be the fuse between adults. If the child blurts it out, it is probably the language used by the adults behind the child. As soon as you listen, it becomes "children's talk"
Parents can't say "nice words", how can they expect their children to talk well?
Behind the child's silence is countless bitterness.
In Zhihu, I saw the Lord's answer about an example of his daughter. My daughter has just been two months, and she hasn't learned to burp yet. She is already imitating the emotions of adults. Every time I change her diaper, she opens her mouth and screams, almost crying. At this moment, as long as I am laughing, she can instantly change from crying to laughing. But if I show nervousness or indifference to her crying, she will cry 100%. Parents' emotions are like dandelions. When they are blown away, people around them will be polluted, especially children who are extremely sensitive to emotions. I have seen too many families, either parents quarrel and ignore them, and children huddle helplessly in the corner and dare not say anything. Or use the authority of parents, children will start to beat and scold when they are slightly bad, even the opportunity to explain is stingy, and continue to preach self-righteousness.
When children grow up, they either learn to yell at their parents or become silent, as if their hearts were blocked.
I have seen such a cartoon: many times parents feel that they can't enter their children's hearts. Have you ever thought that this result is their own making? Have you seen Survival in the Wilderness in Nature? Many animals will immediately become quiet and even "pretend to be dead" when danger comes, so as to reduce the risk of being found by hunters and seek self-protection. So are children. At first, they were lively and cheerful. Later, after being ignored, indifferent, abused, incomprehensible, ignored and vented, they fell in love with the coat of silence.
Because you don't talk, you can be punished less; Because you don't talk, you can be seen less and vented less; Because if you don't talk, you can hide your vulnerability; Because they don't talk, mom and dad won't find their strong desire to be understood.
I once received a helpless message from a 12-year-old reader: every time I failed the exam, I was particularly afraid to go home because I was sure to be scolded. "How silly!" "Why don't you work hard!" I'm tired of listening to it. I especially want to see the scores on the test paper. My mother can hug me and let me know that she cares about me, not just my grades. But since the first grade, she has never hugged me again.
In fact, many things in the family can be solved through good communication. However, we are used to saying goodbye to the people closest to us, and our temper is just a little bit, which makes children gradually escape from their families and parents when they are sensible. Children's silence is not only nothing to say, but also a kind of micro-resistance to parents' authority and such a helpless acceptance of the world.
The most successful education is to cultivate a talking child. Why are more and more children now either arrogant and ignorant, or silent and introverted, unwilling to talk to their parents? In the final analysis, there is something wrong with our education. In Love and Loneliness, Zhou describes how parents should communicate with their children: everything that belongs to their children should be paid attention to with love and discussed with equality. What children need is understanding and respect, equal communication, active guidance, active attention and calm talk.
1 Don't let emotions dominate the content and rhythm of the speech. Many parents can't help being emotional and angry with innocent children because of some things in their work and life, obviously the children have done nothing wrong. If you can't control your emotions and try not to talk, you can tell your child first: I'm sorry, dad (mom) is in a bad mood now. Leave me alone. Can I talk to you later?
(2) When children say something wrong, give them some punishment and guidance, and don't let "children talk nonsense" become real "uncultivated". If the child says something wrong, don't simply expose it with "the child is not sensible". At this moment, explain to him why some words can't be said indiscriminately and teach him to apologize to the offended person on his own initiative.
When an error occurs, timely guidance will be much more useful than reasoning afterwards.
In addition to guidance, you can also formulate punishment measures for children, such as which swearing words you can't say and what punishment you will get if you say them. With rules, children can know the boundaries between words and deeds.
3 Give children the opportunity to explain and express. Listen to the voice in your child's heart. If the child fails in the exam and does something wrong, don't just swear, stop and give him a chance to explain. Let him speak his mind bravely, even if it is completely contrary to your point of view, he should have the opportunity to express himself bravely. Only when children are willing to express themselves can we know what is different in their world and truly participate in their growth.
Give children more encouragement and patience. Only love can breed love, and only talkative parents can breed talkative children. Don't let children grow up to know that they have become a representative with no quality and no education. Don't let us as parents become the closest "strangers" to our children.
Encourage each other