People who die young because of illness always feel that there is nothing to learn, and people who commit suicide are not among the choices, just like Fu Lei is among them. Until now, I can fully understand that everyone has their own feelings, especially after I experienced all kinds of anxiety that befell me after I became a mother, and I can savor Fu Lei's deep and meticulous love for Fu Cong. Piano master and Fu Cong in the world is undoubtedly Fu Lei's greatest "masterpiece", which is admirable enough. Of course, Fu Lei's erudition and the balance between art and scholarship at that time were beyond our ordinary people's reach. But you can still learn from him a family education "model" that will never be out of date.
real
Fu Lei had an unhappy childhood. He lost his father in his early years and his mother was a tiger mother. Fu Lei, who grew up in this educational background, directly imposed the "family style" of strict education on his first child, Fu Cong. In his first letter home, Fu Lei made a review to his son, admitting that he had been too strict with Fu Cong's education in his early years, and that he had made mistakes and caused physical and mental harm to Fu Cong and his mother in his early years. Truth makes his words and expressions get effective feedback.
It is really shameful to reflect on the rational role that you have been playing in your family. For children, an unattainable saint will make them feel depressed and feel that they can't keep up with the glorious image of saints in their parents' minds. However, a parent who can make mistakes, admit mistakes and correct them can become the leader of his children.
Everyone makes mistakes, and there is no room for escape. How to truly admit your mistakes in front of children is very important: children, I will make mistakes like you, and some mistakes are irreparable, but I will not repeat such mistakes in my future life. You will also be warned of the consequences of my mistake. I let you see my pain, in order to avoid you stumbling and looking for pain again.
Whether a child or a physical adult, learning is lifelong, and it is a two-way learning from experience to lessons. Only by showing children the true self and the equally imperfect self can we export the correct concept to children. It is impossible for a child to learn to be an ordinary person from an unattainable "saint".
Wise nagging
Some people say that nagging is the killer of parent-child relationship and the culprit of children's rebellion. I don't think this view is completely correct. Fu Lei didn't say much in his letter at home, but he told many details about trivial life and dealing with people. Trivial things, such as the location of writing letters and posting stamps, accurate words, body movements and mood when playing the piano, expressing gratitude to people in time, tone of voice, how to get along with his wife, don't spoil children too much, and let children learn to adapt to loneliness from an early age ... are all trivial and broken Tang Priest's nagging.
If Fu Cong hears these words in front of Fu Lei, it may not be instructive for him. By his own admission, Fu Lei has a bad temper. During his stay in Poland, Fu Cong returned to China on a short vacation. Fu Lei mentioned in the letter that it should have been cherished, but it was still somewhat unpleasant in language when we met. People who have bad emotions will instinctively report within a limited time. If there is a buffer, setting a speed bump for the impulsive brain will greatly reduce the trouble caused by impulsiveness.
And the kind of freedom between relatives is precisely the reason why our words and deeds are too intense. Writing letters is different. People have to slow down the processing speed of the brain when writing, which is equivalent to adding a speed bump to bad emotions. Readers can't directly face the author's bad mood, but only accept the text itself. As the saying goes, "distance produces beauty", and beauty isolates intense emotions. If Fu Cong and Fu Lei have lived together for more than ten years, with their equally hot personalities, they may not be able to live in harmony, and their achievements may not be as great as they are now.
Therefore, the correct nagging is to shield emotions: through writing. Now I often nag my children like this. It's much easier to prove it in person than with a knife. What is embodied in the letter is really a model of wisdom and a glorious image of a loving mother. The most important thing in education is effectiveness. On the premise of not making irreparable mistakes, all methods will lead to the same goal.
The truth lies in the small life, so we should give our children a realistic and feasible guide to life operation.
Fu Lei is sensitive to life. He explained to Fu Lei what the ordinary Tao is. All lifestyles, lifestyles, are actually in the real little life. Fu Lei taught himself about China and the West, traveled widely, and had profound insights into various scenes of life. He always thought that Fu Cong should be taught how to be a man before becoming an artist. From the discussion, we can see that the content of letters is more about daily life than art.
What he taught Fu Cong is very operational, and it must be a feasible operation method after the truth comes out: Fu Cong spends at least ten minutes chatting with his wife every day on the way of getting along with husband and wife; Artists should be close to life, not just immersed in music, but can relax in nature and look for pure inspiration; Be polite to others, be respectful when listening to the teacher's instructions, and give back to others' kindness in time; Learn to manage money, form the habit of keeping accounts, and let your wife live a medium standard life. Poverty can also kill artists. To cultivate children's independence, it is easy to enlarge the advantages when children are young and ignore the potential shortcomings. When children always want to pester adults, they should learn to let go at the right time and let them experience loneliness from an early age, because people will always be lonely, and getting along with loneliness is an ability that should be cultivated from an early age. .......
As an ordinary mother with no achievements, what I can receive from Fu Lei's letter is the above three aspects. Maybe I will have a deeper understanding when I look at it later. After reading Fu Lei's last letter, I didn't feel sad, and I felt deeply sorry for him. Presumably I have nothing to worry about, and I can be brave and beautiful with my wife!
People live only to achieve their greatest achievements, and educating their descendants is one of the greatest achievements, which is related to the inheritance of blood and spirit. Fu Cong is undoubtedly Fu Lei's masterpiece. Fu Lei's epitaph is: "A lonely teenager will create a world". Fu Lei is successful. He knew that Fu Cong could fight alone. He has been lonely, created a world and made friends with his heart.
The purpose of education is nothing more than to make children grow up to be people who are not afraid to fight alone in the world. It is good to have like-minded comrades-in-arms, but at important nodes in life, everyone has to fight alone. This is a lifelong education that everyone must receive.
Pay tribute to Fu Lei, pay tribute to the naked child and pay tribute to loneliness!