Dr. Karen Ruskin, the author of "Cultivating a Respectful and Responsible Child-Nine Keys", said: "Irresponsible children will take everything they have for granted and think that the world will always do it for them." Responsibility is more than just completing the task.
"It's also an attitude: take action and be proud of it, not just let your parents do things for you," said Dr. Alex Barzwei, co-host of the talk show "About Our Children" on Dr. Sirius Radio. The following are nine practical skills shared by two experts and parents, aiming at helping children to establish a sense of responsibility and learn to take responsibility from every point of daily life.
1, growing up, if your child is used to holding food and reaching for clothes, you can't expect him/her to be full of responsibility and know how to do it overnight. Imagine your high school daughter complaining on the phone: "Mom, I'm hungry. When will you go home? " You said: make a sandwich! She replied, "I'll wait for you." Cultivating children's sense of responsibility needs to start as soon as possible.
2. Invite children to help. It's time to do housework. Don't complain and don't delay. Smile and ask your son for help (even if he is slow). Working as a team, spending time with children is a precious time. "When a child is invited, he will feel very valuable." Dr. Ruskin said, "He will have a good impression, know that he is a member of the family, and be proud of maintaining the family."
3. Teach children to do things. The unanimous advice given by the two experts to parents is to let the children bear the responsibilities commensurate with their abilities. First, you can demonstrate how to do some small things. If the child wants to eat snacks, please tell him where the apples are and how to wash them. Does your daughter always throw dirty clothes on the floor? Put a basket in her room and tell her to put the old jeans in it. Dr. Buzzwei suggested that children should be given responsibilities commensurate with their age. Use the word "responsibility" when communicating with children about the tasks they want to accomplish, which will not only make children feel grown up, but also play an important role.
4. Demonstrating how to be a parent is a role model for children, so it is very important to be a role model at home and constantly tell children how to be responsible. For example, every time after breakfast, we will use the plates on the table as a demonstration: "Now we put the plates in the sink." Use the same short word "we" repeatedly to show how easy it is to solve the problem. Ask your other family members and nannies to do the same. You will be surprised to find that these behaviors soon become children's habits.
5. Praise the children more. Children like to help and are willing to help. For them, doing trivial things does not feel like work. Praising what you have done helps to maintain a positive atmosphere. "When you hung your coat on the hook, I was happy for you!" Or "thank you for taking out the garbage in the room!" " "Dr. Busway said that when children do something over and over again, they will gradually form a sense of ownership. This continuous interaction helps them to do things actively in other occasions such as school or games.
6, adjust expectations When you let a five-year-old child make the bed, he may be very untidy. It is unwise to criticize children at this time. Instead, you should praise your child and show her how you do it the next time you make the bed.
7. Avoid using prizes to motivate children. Both experts suggest not to try to cultivate children's sense of responsibility through material rewards, at least not from the beginning. Although the reward map may be effective for some children, for some children, other methods will be more effective, such as praise, being with parents, or feeling more confident. If you expect your child to do ordinary housework, you don't need a reward unless you expect your child to do more housework than ordinary housework.
8. Making rules for children will help children better understand and practice their responsibilities. For example, let the son brush his teeth before breakfast and get dressed before watching TV. (Note that watching TV is not a reward-it is the result of completing daily activities. Dr Ruskin believes that a young child may not fully realize that it is his responsibility to do these things, but helping him develop healthy habits will enable him to finish his homework voluntarily one day without your supervision.
9. Let children bear the consequences and learn to take care of their own things, which also helps children to have a sense of responsibility for their actions. Let his son finish his physical labor and clean up. If he leaves a messy table, tell him not to use crayons and scissors until the next day. If he shirks his responsibility, he needs to continue to take action and take his supplies. The more times you take this action, the more likely he is to take the initiative to clean up, or at least not complain too much about it.
"In the final analysis, it is a child's choice not to pack toys, but parents are always afraid to make their children suffer pain, sadness or anger," said Dr. Buzzwei. If we always solve children's problems, they will not learn to take responsibility when they grow up. "In the same way, if your daughter goes to school with a bag on her back every day, but one day she forgets to bring her sneakers, she can't attend the training that afternoon.
Even if you really want to give her sneakers, don't give them, because next time she will remember her responsibilities twice. Cultivating children's sense of responsibility is not an easy task, and parents should play an important role in it, although it may take years and a lot of practice. If you follow these suggestions, you are more likely to cultivate a responsible child and grow into a responsible adult.