In the final analysis, these four methods are all about grasping the degree.
Some parents often reprimand their babies with a straight face. This was originally intended to make children afraid of obedience, and the result is often counterproductive. Why? Taking care of everything will inevitably make the child very constrained, which is contrary to the child's lively and active nature, and he will instinctively resist. Everything is strict. He knows you can't take everything seriously. He knows that most of the time you just thunder and don't rain, so he won't take your words seriously! This gives adults a feeling of "disobedience". The root cause is not that children have problems, but that our education methods have problems. What does a three-year-old know about reviewing? Therefore, it is our parents who should be reviewed.
First of all, things should be treated differently. Things are divided into major issues and minor issues, and minor issues are ignored, and major issues are strictly controlled and not discussed. Usually you don't have to yell at each other sharply, and you don't want to be serious easily. Once you are serious, you must be convinced and have a deterrent. The little bastard in our family, I rarely scare, scold, or talk at length, or say nothing, just do it directly and seriously, and then give him a convincing reason after dinner. This is my summary of strictness and perseverance!
Secondly, I am very generous without endangering safety and touching the bottom line of principle. I never interfere with what he does or plays, but also intentionally encourage and guide him and even play with him. Many things need him to play, do and experience, which is necessary for growth! My wife often says I'm father bear, but I'm still the same! Sometimes he loses his temper and throws things at random. I don't usually criticize and stop him. We should allow him to express his emotions and care about them. Don't we adults often do it when we lose our temper? This is my "width". However, after falling for a while, I will tell him not to fall again. If he didn't listen, he immediately slapped him and put away what he had dropped! This is educating him-allowing him to express his emotions, but enough is enough, not listening or teaching, otherwise the consequences will be very serious! That's what I'm talking about, wide but not vertical!
Another example is to hit people first, especially the elders. I don't say anything, just hold them and fight! After the fight, the crying stopped. He was taught that it was wrong to hit people. He should apologize and say sorry, but look at people in the face and say! Once you touch the bottom line of principle, you will never be soft!
Third, if someone hits him, I will encourage him to fight back. If he dare not fight, I will rush to help him! The same is true of grabbing toys. He can't rob others, or he will be spanked. But I can't be robbed of my toys. If I am robbed, I have to get it back myself, otherwise I will be ashamed of him and even help him rob it. Men can't provoke others, but they should also be provoked. They should dare to fight and defend themselves, otherwise they can't get out! In other words, he must do what he should do. This is called love without drowning!
Finally, I will be satisfied with what he wants to buy, play and eat, as long as it does not violate the basic rules and does not affect safety and health. As long as I am around him, I will take time to play with him or take him to play every day. If I want to take him to play, or buy/eat for him, I will always recommend him several options for him to choose from. I seldom make decisions for him. Boys should form the habit of making their own decisions from an early age. But if the situation is special at that time, you can't eat or play, and it's no use crying and making trouble again.
Besides, I won't get used to some bad habits, such as playing mobile phones. First of all, when I tell him not to play, I don't play by myself, especially in front of him. Parents must set an example for him. At least, I can't ask him for a set, but make one myself. The child is disgusted that only state officials can set fires and people are not allowed to light them. He won't listen to anything you say! Secondly, I allow him to play, but I have to limit the time and pay it back then! Make an agreement in advance. If you don't keep the agreement, you can't play next time! Now he has basically formed a habit. If he wants to play mobile phone, he will ask me first: Dad, how long has he been playing? What is the minute hand of the wall clock? I'll tell him when it's over. It's my turn to ask, and he returned the phone without saying anything! This is my pet, but I'm not used to it.
Over time, the little guy likes me to take him. No matter who asks him "favorite", he will say "favorite father". When I was with him, he felt very safe and relaxed!