In front of the cloth counter in the department store, a salesgirl patiently tore a piece of cloth she bought into 2-inch strips at the request of a customer. After tearing, the customer asked the clerk to tie these small pieces of cloth into knots. In the middle of the shop assistant's speech, she finally couldn't stand it. She said, "Are you mentally ill?"

"Yes, I have a hospital certificate." The customer said.

Another answer

A teacher of philosophy department took only one composition in the mid-term exam:' What is courage?'

Just as everyone was thinking hard about how to write, a classmate handed in his paper!

However, he only wrote five words:' This is courage.'

By the end of the final exam, the teacher had only tested one question:' This is the question, please answer it.'

Everyone still can't write, but this classmate handed in his paper soon.

He wrote:' This is the answer, please give points.'

Classic slip of the tongue

A primary school student took part in the school recitation competition, and the topic was "Maple leaves are red". As it was the first time to attend, he was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. Finally, it's his turn. Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and classmates, the topic I recite is that Hongye is crazy ..."

A pupil was very envious when he saw a classmate who was asked to read a composition by the teacher. He always hoped that the teacher would let him read it once, and the opportunity finally came. "Xiao Qiang, read your composition to everyone!" The pupils jumped up: "(My teacher). Teacher, I am more like your mother ... "

One day, anonymous felt sorry for himself and suddenly turned to the person behind him and said, "Is my chest hair nice?" The classmate was shocked and said, "Oh, no, I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce?"

Four tragedies in life: a drop of dew after a long drought; Meet an old friend and rival in a foreign country; Wedding night, next door; When the gold medal was nominated, you were not there.

leather shoes

Two idiots want to open a shoe store. Someone told them that the best leather shoes are "crocodiles".

So, two fools went to the river to catch crocodiles.

About 50 people were arrested. One fool said to the other, "Catch another one. If he still doesn't wear shoes, forget it. "

Mother fly takes little flies to eat. They flew to a pile of cow dung. The little fly asked gloomily, "Mom, why do we always eat cow dung?" The mother fly immediately slapped the little fly and said, "This unlucky child, don't say such disgusting things when eating!" " "

Four years of drug abuse

One day, a crow and a sparrow were chatting in the tree.

Sparrow: "I haven't seen you. What kind of bird are you? "

Crow: "Ah? I am a phoenix. "

Sparrow: "Is there a phoenix as black as you?"

Crow: "Hey! You don't know. I burn the boiler. "

Sparrow: "Oh?"

Crow: "What kind of bird are you?"

Sparrow: "I am an eagle!" " "

Crow: "Is there an eagle as small as you?"

The sparrow said helplessly, "Alas! Dude. You don't know, I have been taking drugs for four years! "

People = eat+sleep+work+play,

Pig = eat+sleep,

Substitution: people = pigs+work+play,

Namely: people-play = pig+work.

Conclusion: People who can't play = pigs who can work.

Men = eat+sleep+earn money

Pig = eat+sleep

Men = pigs+earning money

Pigs = people-making money

So a man who doesn't make money is equal to a pig.

Women = eat+sleep+spend money.

Pigs = eat+sleep. Substitute into the above formula:

Women = pigs+spending money. Transferred items:

Women-spending money = pigs.

Conclusion: Women are pigs without spending money.

To sum up:

Men earn money to keep women from becoming pigs! Women spend money to keep men from becoming pigs! Man+woman = two pigs

The complaints of three ghosts

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in the sky now, and they are all full. But there's another place! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So,

The first ghost began to say ...

I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night!

One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover! Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said ...

I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure! But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing and thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death! As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house and went into the kitchen. I found that the refrigerator was big enough and threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!

The third ghost said ...

I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator and threw it from the 13 floor! I just fell to my death in my refrigerator! ; A reporter interviewed the personnel bureau by telephone.

But accidentally hit the grain bureau.

The reporter asked: "Is this the Personnel Bureau?"

One person replied, "No."

The reporter was deaf and asked again.

The man said loudly: "I am not from the Personnel Bureau, I am from the Grain Bureau!" " "

Because I was too nervous, I said, "I'm not a person, I'm a pig, and my mother is a pig!" " "

There is a host who presides over the villagers' meeting.

Seeing the township head gesturing for a meeting,

He said, "Comrades and villagers, don't talk. Now the meeting is over! "

But I still did it: "Rabbit, shrimp, don't pulp melons, pickles are too expensive!" " "

He added, "Now please speak to the township head!"

But this is wrong; "Sausage pulp melon for pickles!"

The township head said to everyone, "Rabbits, shrimps and dogs ate today's meal, and everyone has a chinemys reevesii!" " "

Cheers rang out below. ...

It turned out that the township head said, "Comrades and villagers, we have enough food today. Let's all use big bowls! " "If a drop of water represents a blessing, I will send you a South China Sea, if a star represents a happiness, I will send you a galaxy, and if a spoonful of honey represents a miss, I will send you a hornet's nest, so I won't believe it won't kill you.

Notice: there will be a leadership inspection tomorrow morning. Dear colleagues, please dress as required. Man: suit, tie, shorts and slippers; Lady: swimsuit, pants, shoes!

Emergency reminder: There may be tornado weather recently, so be sure to take two dumbbells weighing 10 kg with you when you go out to avoid being swept to the west by strong wind. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

Standing on the balcony that day, you enjoyed the drizzle and thought about the rough life. Your face is wet and tastes sour, bitter and salty. Is it rain or tears? You look up at the sky. Wow, whose mop?

With you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I am afraid of lightning; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who will feed the pig food?

It's been a long time since I received your message, and I feel very distressed. I thought I cut my pulse with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped off a building with a parachute and hung it on noodles, but they all died. Just invite me to dinner and support me to death.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clocks, but you can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

May you be happy every day for 365 days a year, 8760 hours forever, 5256000 wonderful minutes and 3 1536000 seconds.

Whether it is sunny, cloudy or rainy, the day when I can see you is sunny; No matter yesterday, today or tomorrow, a day with you is a beautiful day.

If the world has only 10 minutes left, I will recall the ups and downs with you; If there are only three minutes left in the world, I will kiss you affectionately; If there is only 1 minute left in the world, I will say I love you 60 times.

10% persistent+10% missing+10% jealous+10% suspicious+10% sweet+10% distressed+10.

There is a tacit understanding called empathy, a feeling called wonder, a happiness called being with you, and a yearning called living like years.

Yesterday, when I turned on my mobile phone to read short messages, I was shocked and fainted all night because of the electrostatic reaction of my clothes. Take off your clothes before you watch it, so as not to get an electric shock!

Dear users: Your mobile phone has the function of withdrawing money. Just take out the SIM card and insert it into the ATM. If ATM doesn't accept business, please hit ATM with your mobile phone!

It is not easy for two people to meet in the vast sea of people. When you receive this sincere blessing, please try your best to hit the strong man with your head and see that countless stars in front of you are my infinite blessing!

Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students: Count off in the first row! You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly: Count off! So you reluctantly turned and hugged the tree!

Rainy, wet, wet ... every night, you just stare at the cold window and stare at it. I came over and said to you softly, "Wang Cai, go in. The person who sent the bone won't come today.

"

Shall we go on a date on Saturday Please grant my sincere request! Because I really want to go to the seaside with you and listen to the sound of the sea. I'll take you to climb the highest stone near Shanghai and kick you down!

I wrote your name in the sky, but it was taken away by the wind. I wrote your name on the beach, but it was swept away by the waves. So I wrote your name in the street, but the police took it away.

A kindergarten teacher said to children who often wet the bed: From now on, no one is allowed to wet the bed, and 3 yuan is fined once a day and 5 yuan twice a week ... A child raised his hand and asked: Teacher, how much is the monthly subscription?

God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you?

If beauty is a mistake, then I am all wet. If cleverness is a crime, I have committed a heinous crime. It's really hard to be a man, but you'll get better. There is neither wrong nor sin. I envy you!

I can't eat in the morning because I miss you, I can't eat at noon because I miss you more, I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily, and I can't sleep at night because I'm hungry.

I am poor and can't afford many red roses. My money can only buy a cactus, but I am romantic. Now I come to you with this cactus and summon up courage to say those three words to you-sit on it! ! !

I always thought that if I was invisible, others would not find me. It's no use. A calm person like me, no matter where he is, is as bright and outstanding as a firefly in the night. Melancholy eyes, sparse beard, amazing AK shooting, martini in 1982 and toothpicks from Fage all betrayed me deeply. ....

When the white clouds pass by, it is the trace of my missing you;

When the sun shines, that's my miss for you;

When it rains, it is proof that I miss you;

When it thundered, that's when I prayed to heaven that you were hit ... haha-

Because of you, I believe in fate; Because of you, I believe in past lives.

Maybe all this is predestined, pulling us together,

Now I really want to say ...

What evil did I do in my last life!

I'm sorry to send you a message so late ~ ~

If it bothers you ~ ~ I'll tell you here ~ ~

Serves you right ~ ~ Who told you to go to bed earlier than me ~ ~ ~ Hehe! !

Thank you for being with me when I was most frustrated.

I reached out when I needed help most, and I have countless words to say.

Just want to tell you:

"Nothing good has happened since I met you! You are a loser! 」

Being your friend for so long, you have always cared about me.

I often give you trouble. I really don't know how to repay you. ...

So ... I will be a cow and a horse in my next life ... and I will definitely pull up grass for you to eat. ...

The answer is: rain without fish? Mud mountain without stones? Trees on the ground have no branches? I don't have a father? A woman without a husband? A deserted city without a city? Judging from the homonym of the answer, the last six-word romantic answer is: grow old with you.

In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. I was sent to check and found that the shell exploded in the farmland. You stood there in rags, with dark eyes and tearful eyes. You said to me: Is it worth stealing a cabbage with a shell?

You know our friendship means a lot to me. I cry when you cry, and I laugh when you laugh. When you jump off a tall building, I will stick my head out without hesitation: "Wow! Strangely, not dead! "

I said to my mother: I like you! After spending so much time with you, I feel I can't live without you. I want you to come to my house every day to accompany me! But my mother didn't agree. She said: no dogs at home!

Yesterday, when I turned on my mobile phone to read short messages, I was shocked and fainted all night because of the electrostatic reaction of my clothes. Take off your clothes before you watch it, so as not to get an electric shock!

If I were the sun, I would give you warmth; If I were a diamond, I would give you eternity; But I am nothing ... so I can only give you a harassment. Ha ha!

There is something between heaven and earth called snow, which falls from the sky and falls to the ground; There is something in the world called love, which is born from self-attraction and harmonious in sublimation; One of my friends is you, whom I met by chance and stopped at eternity. Happy Thanksgiving