There are more and more families with children around them. I really don't agree with the way most parents educate their children. I just feel that a beautiful little life is being trampled on. Many people get pregnant before they are ready to be parents, so they have to pretend to get married and leave their children to the elderly.
Please ask every adult who wants to have children to think first: Are you ready to be a parent? Are you sure you can be a good parent? What can you bring to this little life? What ideas and methods will you adopt?
1, don't let the child be destroyed by yourself.
With a loud cry, another life came into this world. Have the purest and cleanest soul. This life is full of curiosity and imagination about the world, and his qualities are valuable sources of knowledge and strength for human beings.
But he is also a blank sheet of paper, others can write at will and cannot alter it. Should a screenwriter have some calligraphy and painting skills to pick up a brush and copy? You can get all kinds of qualifications for your job. Did you get a qualified "parent card" for your child?
Children are just copies of their parents, and parents' values will be passed on to children without reservation, which will affect consciousness from the subconscious. It is extremely difficult to change in adulthood. Simply put, your education directly determines your child's future development, and the height he can reach determines what kind of person he will become in the future. To put it bluntly, children's sense of qualification, inferiority, anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, loneliness, and even drug abuse, suicide, gambling and other crimes are inherited from the thinking, problems and lifestyle of the previous generation, which in turn affects his life.
I believe that most of us have had similar feelings in the process of growing up, such as fear of talking to strangers, fear of giving speeches and performances on stage, fear of authority, fear of physical or verbal conflicts with others or liking conflicts very much, etc. These are all manifestations of our incompetence. We think we are unqualified and feel inferior. Tracing back to the source is closely related to childhood experiences and family education methods.
I also heard parents say that children are still young and don't understand anything. They'll be fine when they grow up. I muttered in my heart, it's good to grow up, because I don't need treatment, and I'm disabled.
In fact, the child is your teacher.
The child knows nothing. What they don't know is knowledge, which is superior to adults in other aspects. They don't frame themselves, they don't label themselves, they don't think they can't do it, because they don't have this concept in their minds. They have unlimited imagination and curiosity. Yours is millions of times better than yours.
There is great energy in a child's body. He has no constraints and dares to express himself without scruple. He has no negative emotions, no psychological shadows accumulated by adults, no masks and shields that wrap his soul. These things are called the protection of adults, but they actually suppress our own hearts and energy, which makes us suppress for a lifetime. Back and forth, where it doesn't belong.
Children are diligent in thinking and good at asking questions. They will ask why the moon is round. Why is the sky blue? Why do planes fly? You look bored and naive, but can you really answer the children's questions? Can you explain it clearly in the simplest language? When you can't explain, you will respond to the child: Don't ask such childish questions! The child was so frightened that he dared not ask again next time. Is it because the child asked the wrong question, or you are unable to handle this kind of question and answer it yourself?
Adults hinder children's growth in many ways. By educating children, we can get to know ourselves again. When we are willing to re-examine ourselves, we find that these problems are simple, but we really don't know them. You don't understand the logic and principle behind them. You don't. When you are willing to understand them, it is the process of learning synchronously with your children.
Parents are also the window for children to know the world. How do you explain the phenomena in life to this little creature? How to teach him to face all kinds of conflicts, setbacks and joys in life? How to make him understand in simple language, and at the same time realize the problem, and avoid the dark side of this society from affecting him? This premise is also that parents can think clearly, have enough knowledge reserves, have discrimination, and have the ability to think and express.
Traditional education hopes to cultivate excellent quality, curiosity and patience, which children already have. They can keep trying to play with building blocks and concentrate on things more than adults. As long as adults develop according to the nature of children, there is no need to cultivate them. The reality is often the opposite. Traditional education is not cultivating children's excellent qualities, but actually killing them. In the end, the child will be cultivated into a person who has no self-confidence, self-discipline and self-improvement like himself. The reason is also very simple, how to teach children what they don't have.
Children can also be parents' teachers. Children's innocence, children's optimism and children's fearlessness are all things that we adults don't have.
Children can transcend utilitarianism and find fun in this world. How many adults can do this?
Children have a sense of morality that adults can't match. They are honest, kind and simple. More importantly, children are willing to obey adults. They love their parents. Love is the instinct of life. Children have more love because their instincts are stronger and their instincts are not bound. Parents should protect their children's love.
Don't treat children like children. Realize that they have enough wisdom and thoughts to make decisions for themselves, but it is up to you to release their wisdom. Parents are just role models. Don't make decisions for your child, and don't do them for him. Too many decisions for them will make children feel too stupid and slow, and their actions will be meaningless, which will lead to deep inferiority and excessive dependence on their parents. Treat him as an adult to have a normal conversation, instead of using some overlapping words such as "baby" and "eat rice" and some coaxing tone to communicate with children, communicate with others in a normal way, and talk to friends and family for children to listen to. When you don't pay attention to him deliberately, he grows freely.
Of course, at the same time, we should also see that children's understanding ability is still very shallow. Parents will always be their umbrella, and they have the responsibility and obligation to shield and remove the junk information that they can't distinguish, so as to provide a good environment for children's physical and mental growth and avoid children from being hurt.
Don't expect to hand over your child's education to the school teacher. You don't care about children's growth and don't want to spend time and energy taking care of them. How will the teacher treat a child who is left behind by his parents? Even if he meets an excellent teacher and there are so many students in the class, can he pay attention to it? An excellent parent is worth hundreds of teachers.
3. Where is the education child? This is just educating yourself.
There are countless books and skills on how to educate children, but have you ever thought that even if those skills can be memorized, can you use them well? Can you fly a plane by memorizing the whole tutorial on how to fly a plane? A good knife can cut vegetables and people. On the issue of children's education, Tao is more important than skill, and correct ideas are more important than concrete actions.
If the so-called method is used and the child still doesn't improve, he will blame the child for disobedience or the wrong method in the book instead of thinking about his own problems. So, is this just a question of how to educate children?
The premise of all this is to be yourself first. If you can't do it yourself, please don't ask your children. If you are watching TV, don't let the children do their homework; If you are playing games, don't expect your children to learn. The child is you. A child is a mirror for you. Children will treat others the way you treat others. How you treat your life, so do your children. You are bored, and children can't feel the beauty of life. The king of educating children is to cultivate themselves persistently. What kind of person you are is much more important than what you tell him to be. Children's education is about parents' ability, not only the ability of money, but also their own quality.
Sacrificing yourself for children, damaging your health, giving up your career and wasting your sex life are not noble, not love. Because you don't understand love at all, because you have no goal in life and no career, you can't give up at all; You don't love each other, so you can only focus on the children. You are also a child who hasn't grown up. Conversely, fill an empty heart with your own children. Please be a normal person and take care of yourself first. Otherwise, in the end, the child may just be a punching bag and another victim.
Not only educating children, but also including gender relations, family communication, friends exchange and so on. Be yourself, not dependent on others. Even if the other person is just a child.
If you want to love children, please love your wife first.
Children should not be your favorite, but your wife. Please always put the relationship between husband and wife first. The relationship between husband and wife is the core of a family. Children are just passers-by in your life, and they will have their own independent life when they grow up. There is no need to interfere. You just gave birth to him and gave him a body, but that's none of your business.
At the same time, the husband's respect for his wife will make the child learn to respect all other women, including his future wife. Children, especially boys, will observe how fathers deal with communication problems with their wives and how to solve contradictions in marriage and family life. The father's handling method will have a subtle influence on the child, and the child will involuntarily adopt it in his later life. Family is happy, and children can naturally feel love in it in order to have love.
Love your wife, please love yourself first. A person who doesn't even love himself and doesn't know how to love himself cannot love others.
The child's perception ability is super strong. He can feel the subtle changes in the atmosphere at home, give him a comfortable environment and make him feel happy and safe. This feeling will accompany him all his life.
It is better to teach children knowledge than to teach them love. It is better to pay more attention to children's mental health than to their intellectual growth. Children's basic abilities such as communication, understanding, sense of humor, teamwork, social etiquette and mind may be more important than going to various training classes to practice Olympic Mathematics, calligraphy, piano and dance. When his basic knowledge is solid, when he has good habits, is cheerful and confident enough, regards learning as a pleasure and can get a sense of accomplishment from it, it is logical to take the exam and get a good ranking.
Mothers give their children love, tolerance, warmth and understanding. Fathers let children feel what is strength, what is courage, what is rules and what is boundaries. The role of mother and father is irreplaceable by anyone. Therefore, please don't give your child to the older generation, otherwise what your child lacks in childhood may not be made up for in this life.
Speaking of which, you may have questions. I'm so old now, and I can't change according to you. What should I do?
(Note: The above parents refer to biological parents, adoptive parents and guardians)
Andy making
Message: Dad is waiting for you here, son.