What should I do in the face of contradictions arising from the inconsistent educational concepts of husband and wife? My personal experience and understanding tell me that the following five points can effectively change this problem, so that children can grow as little as possible.
As a father, I insist on the following points to deal with it. In this educational environment, children are not greatly influenced by the conflicts and differences between my mother and me in educational concepts and methods. On the contrary, children grow stronger in this environment, and their psychological quality is surprisingly good. In the process of his son's growth, he was hit, accused and scolded by his mother, and also encouraged, affirmed and praised by his father. He grew up in this intertwined educational environment, and I deeply cherish this educational environment for children (both good and bad are lacking).
How to effectively solve this problem is as follows:
First, teach the most stubborn person first. If the other person can't teach well, you can teach again. Avoid teaching children in different ways at the same time. In the face of children's same problems, you teach this way and he teaches that way. This kind of education has no effect, but it makes children more ignorant. My relationship with my wife is that, for example, when she thinks that children are young, she always likes to complain and reprimand them, no matter whether they are strict or not. And I don't think this kind of education can improve the children's problems, and she is stubborn and insists on doing so. Finally, I made the following decision. I told him: If you think you are right, then you should teach first. When he dealt with a child's problem for a period of time without any effect, I said to my lover: Your education on children's problems is over. So your method doesn't work. Now let me teach it. Soon, the problem of children really changed. Since then, when she and I have conflicts in teaching children, we have adopted the strategy of "whoever is stubborn first teaches first, and I will take the initiative to teach if the other party fails to teach well", and the effect is very good. Not only will there be no direct conflict with each other, but the information received by children will not be confused.
Second, when you see that your lover's education is wrong, don't blame the other person's education in front of the children. Even if you know that it is wrong for your mother to do this, don't do it. Avoid pointing out each other's mistakes and exposing each other's shortcomings in front of children. This can better protect each other's educational prestige, and will not let children "engage in revolution" with confidence, or even ignore their parents' words and contradictions. When the children are away, when you talk to your lover, you can talk about education and talk about your opinions and suggestions. At this time, you will often get better results, and the other party will accept it more humbly, instead of sticking to your own opinions in front of the children and damaging each other's face. Parents blaming each other's faults in front of their children will greatly increase the difficulty of their children's future education.
Third, don't get angry. Don't let the other person not teach, even if you are angry-broken pots and broken falls. The responsibility of educating children is not 50% for both parents, but 100% for both parents, not to mention speaking ill of each other in front of children, which is very fatal. When the other party is angry and does not teach the child, you must not let the child not teach because the other party does not care. This is an extremely irresponsible educational behavior. It is the fundamental responsibility of parents and educators to take the initiative to assume their own 100% educational responsibility regardless of whether the other party teaches or not. I also adhere to this rule when tutoring children. I remember driving my son to school and home every day for two months before his first grade. I have to go to work and she has nothing to do, so I let her drive him, but she always refuses. At this time, I didn't get angry and ignore it like most people, but took the time to answer it myself, didn't complain and didn't talk, didn't get angry because the other party didn't teach me, and took on the responsibility of being a parent.
Fourth, when a husband and wife quarrel or fight about two people or family matters, if the child is on the scene, we should consider the child's psychological reaction and feelings. Don't focus on your emotions and feelings. Stop quarreling between husband and wife. At the same time, talk to your child in time, tell your child the reason or specific things that you quarreled with your lover just now, tell your child whether the quarrel is right or wrong, and let your child look at the problem objectively. My wife and I had several fierce quarrels and two fights, and I handled them in this way, so the growth of children was not affected too much or for a long time.
5. Husband and wife should read more of the same educational books and attend expert lectures together. Parents' meetings and school teachers should also try to go together, so that we can better influence the one at home with the help of a third party, instead of forcibly changing each other through our own words. This is too difficult. After being married for a long time, many people feel that "the closest person is our lover, which is the most difficult thing for us to change in this world". We should use other forces to influence each other.