1. Parents' goals are children's goals.
Many parents, full of expectations for their children, put all their thoughts and goals on their children and regard them as a tool to achieve their goals in life. The result is a complete breakdown of the parent-child relationship. It is wise to help children achieve their goals while putting their own goals in.
It is blind to cultivate children's specialties.
Cultivating children's specialties is an important part of children's growth today. Bian Xiao found that it is very common to set up "interest classes" in kindergartens, children's palaces, cultural centers and cultural training centers during the summer vacation.
There are more than 50 "interest classes" in one street, including dance, painting, Olympiad, calligraphy, vocal music, golden pen composition, musical instruments, piano and so on. Parents are eager for this. Almost 100% of children have participated in various interest classes, and almost no one has not participated.
As far as cultivating children's interests is concerned, many parents do not follow their children's interests when cultivating their specialties, and often force their children to learn according to their own wishes; Or watch other children learn and let them learn; Some parents even force their children to learn 7-8 "specialties". They are afraid that their children will lose at the starting line.
Parents' actions make the children who should be carefree lose their innocence and happiness, and bear the burden of career prematurely. Otherwise, they will destroy their most important innocence and imagination and make themselves lose the possibility of diversified development.
It should be said that it is feasible to cultivate children's specialties and let them choose independently. It is very important for children to develop good living habits, study habits and thinking habits, but this is just ignored. Children have no choice, let alone interest. They can only get twice the result with half the effort, resulting in an embarrassing situation of "children suffering and parents tired".
Do what you want, I don't care.
Parents' thoughts: Why are you so nervous about your children? Children should learn to solve their own problems. Sooner or later, they will live adult lives, so let them be independent as soon as possible!
Psychologist: Don't let children feel that you don't care about their behavior at any time. As soon as they find your indifferent attitude, they will come to verify whether it is true or not. So I began to imitate bad behavior to see if it would attract criticism. This kind of consequence is very bad. The correct way is to abandon this indifferent attitude and establish a friendly relationship with children even if they are not satisfied with their behavior. In this case, it is more appropriate to tell the child, "We have opposite opinions on this issue. But I want to help you, because I like you. You can always come to me for advice when you need help. "
4. Attach importance to knowledge and despise ability
Some parents think that the right way to learn knowledge is for children in large classes to go to kindergartens or interest classes. However, the common sense and skills of daily life that children should master are not taken seriously, but are arranged. As a result, after children enter primary school, the simplest life skills, such as tying shoelaces, lifting pants in the toilet and eating, have to be learned from scratch.
It is problematic for children to be in a daze.
If a mother sees a child sitting alone in the room and doing nothing but staring blankly at the sky outside the window, she will generally think that the child has a problem or is wasting time. In this regard, Zou Xiaobing believes that children in a daze is also a kind of learning. Although they may not realize what they are doing, they are also in a state of learning.
Some experts believe that learning can be divided into "explicit learning" and "implicit learning". The former is manifested in learning English courses and certain skills, while the latter is an unconscious learning. He also said that in fact, when we feel that we have nothing to think about, the brain is also storing, sorting out and processing some information, but it is not trying to implement it with consciousness.
Therefore, parents should understand their children, understand their personality and temperament characteristics, let their children's nature develop and create an environment suitable for their free growth.
6. Think that criticism is the only way for children to get rid of their shortcomings.
Children should criticize if they think they have done something wrong, otherwise they will form bad habits. This is a matter of course for most parents in the traditional concept, and it is wrong for me to tell you this. Because criticism should pay attention to art, not criticism will definitely make children get rid of their shortcomings. On the contrary, destructive criticism will only bury children's potential, dispel their self-worth and destroy their self-esteem.
It is entirely possible for us to get rid of children's shortcomings without criticism. The growth of a child is a process in which advantages are confirmed and gradually enlarged, thus replacing his shortcomings. If a child's self-esteem, self-confidence and sense of responsibility are firm and form a stable self-worth, he will eventually become a successful person. If the parents' criticism is directed at the child's behavior rather than the child himself, then the child will correct his shortcomings. Otherwise, children will feel that their self-worth has been hurt and that they are inferior and powerless. In this way, instead of getting rid of his shortcomings, he will get worse and worse, and finally form a strong rebellious mentality.
Therefore, criticism is a very high art. If it is not used well, it will be very unfavorable for children's growth.
7. I think that praising children will inevitably make them proud and complacent.
This is a traditional misunderstanding of China people. Any spiritual person needs a provider. As children, what they need is the companionship, affirmation, praise and encouragement of their parents. Without these, it is difficult to establish children's self-worth.
Children's nature is to please their parents. Parents' affirmation, encouragement and praise of their children's real behavior is the key to building children's self-esteem and self-confidence and will stimulate their further development.
Only when the child does not reach the corresponding level, parents will praise the child with false and exaggerated language, which will lead to the child's ignorance and complacency about depth, or he will not believe you at all after a long time.
Therefore, praising children's behavior does not necessarily lead to pride, the key is how to praise!