What does he mean by betraying his marriage? Is your relationship children or adults?

There are two kinds of derailment:

One is that the spoon is derailed;

One is cheating without looking back.

Both of them are cheating, but their internal meanings are different.

First kind

I know a friend whose husband was entangled with other women just after giving birth to a child. The strangest thing at that time was that her husband didn't avoid her, but openly cooperated with that woman in business-this is a kind of derailment with his head out:

I actually want to stimulate your relationship with us. In those days, my friend wanted to have children wholeheartedly, but my husband was actually protesting to her with the existence of another woman: "Why don't you pay attention to me so much?" Do you still have me in your eyes? "

Obviously, this kind of derailment is actually centered on the original relationship, and there may be hope for recovery.

The second type

This is a revolutionary derailment. The relationship between the two has long been decadent, and derailment is only the "last straw." For example, in the Japanese drama My Dangerous Wife, the husband and lover jointly poisoned his wife, indicating that this man had long wanted to fly away.

In real life, it is generally not so extreme, but in this relationship, husband and wife often experience a long conflict, and both sides have suffered great harm, such as some physical injuries, such as "crying twice and hanging up three times", the original husband's company, the criticism of the whole family and so on.

Water under the bridge. Don't say whether it is worth loving, just say that you can love again after walking so far.

Under these external manifestations, it reflects the emotional intelligence level and personality level of both sides, as well as the relationship between the three different stages of personality development that are mutually constructed:

1, the relationship between "you eat me and I eat you"

Such two people are actually babies, and both of them are "nibbling at each other": the wife wants her husband to understand tolerance and coax himself; The husband wants his wife to forget the past and stop tossing about-both of them are like starving babies, doing nothing but crying with their mouths open, waiting for each other to feed themselves.

They can only see the "mother's breasts" and can't see the mother's "people", so they can't understand the empathy for each other. Men of this personality level often cheat because they can't stand the "interruption" in life. Once they are empty, they must be satisfied immediately. It will be very difficult to recover in this state.

2. The relationship of "eating yourself"

The so-called "eat yourself" means that the parties have been "playing with themselves". What are they playing? I'm playing with the moral standards, rules and justice in my head.

Such people maintain a relationship in order to make everything conform to their own rules of the game, and abandon the relationship and the other party because they no longer conform to their own standards and rules.

If a man who eats himself cheats, it is often because he needs to release his dark side on another woman. I remember that in the American drama Detective, the detective clearly has a beautiful and elegant doctor wife, but she has to be obsessed with the coquettish mistress.

He lives in a well-regulated law enforcement department that represents justice, and has a standard happy family that conforms to the mainstream values of American society. However, there is nowhere to vent all kinds of darkness during the investigation, so he wanders between the extremes of Excellence and Extremity.

3. The relationship between "eating others and eating yourself"

Such people belong to the type that struggles back and forth in the conflict. He wanted to pursue an ideal life, but he felt guilty, so he wandered back and forth inside and outside his marriage. I once saw a confession on the Internet:

"My lover is my ideal woman. I like her very much, but I dare not leave my wife. She acts like a child all day. I don't know how she can live without me. I feel that I have to take care of her, so it is particularly contradictory. "

We can't compare which relationship is more worthy of being saved and loved. In fact, each has its own core problems to solve. If it is solved, it is a moment of growth, growth and dynamic relationship:

* In the first relationship, what the "baby" should learn is to let himself grow, to comfort himself, and to be responsible and responsible for his emotions;

* In the second relationship, the key is whether you can learn to understand others, get rid of that set of rigid standards, enter the inner world of others, and realize emotional connection;

* In the third relationship, the key is to find a balanced way to really get along with people.

No matter what kind of personality level, whether the derailed person can complete the transformation of his life and the growth of his life determines whether the value is worth saving.

Of course, if you choose to continue, you must continue to make emotional remedies. At this time, you must understand two things.

1. Many women hope that their betrayed husbands can take on the role of restorers. Since you have hurt me, you must accept my anger and punishment. Unfortunately, for cheating men, they simply can't undertake such an important task. If a man betrays his marriage and wants to return to his family, he must end his relationship with mistress. Aside from moral factors, he has to endure the pain of lovelorn.

It can be said that men are both perpetrators and victims. He not only has to bear the guilt and remorse for his wife and family, but also bears the loss and depression of ending a relationship.

Therefore, if you want to save your marriage feelings, you can't pin your hopes on men, which will only make you more disappointed. If you feel powerless, you should think that he may be as powerless as you.

Seeing these points clearly, maybe you can face marriage more clearly.