First, peek at children's letters, chat records, diaries, eavesdrop on children's phone calls, and install cameras at home.
Parents mistakenly think that these practices are manifestations of loving and caring for their children, but they are not sure what harm these practices will bring to their children.
1. shows parents' distrust and disrespect for their children.
"Love without respect is a kind of injury.
Children who have no secrets will not grow up.
Without trust, there is no education. "-Sun Yunxiao
2. It is easy to encourage children to develop the bad habit of practicing fraud and pretending.
Peeping or eavesdropping on children's information is generally not easy to play a real role in supervision and supervision. On the contrary, it has invisibly developed the bad habit of children practicing fraud and pretending.
In order to prevent parents from peeking at their diaries, some children specially wrote two diaries, one is a real diary and the other is a fake diary.
3. For slightly older children, it is easy to cause children's rebellious psychology, but it does not play a role in educating children.
Why do you say that? Although children are small, they are equal to their parents in personality. Children, like adults, need respect from others, personal space and privacy. Installing cameras at home, peeking at children's diaries and eavesdropping on children's phone calls ... undoubtedly infringe on children's private space and privacy. This kind of education is contrary to human nature and educational laws.
Tao Xingzhi's children's songs
Everyone says that children are young,
Who knows that people are careful.
If you look down on children,
It is even smaller than a child.
Children's songs This poem fully embodies the educational thought of trust, respect and understanding of children, which is the principle that we educators and parents must follow.
The growth of children needs a certain space, which includes psychological space, not just the size of the house we live in. Children whose psychological needs are not satisfied are generally prone to Internet addiction.
"Children's addiction to mobile phones is not mainly a problem of mobile phones, but an education problem, and children's needs are not met. Some schools prohibit students from using mobile phones on campus, but Beijing No.11 Middle School provides network support and allows students to use mobile phones. This is the difference in education level. Professor Yi from Beijing Normal University said that they put forward the compensation theory of psychological demand network satisfaction. Everyone has psychological needs, some people are well satisfied in reality, and some people are not satisfied in reality. When they are not satisfied and the demand is strong, they will seek alternative ways to meet. When the psychological needs obtained online far exceed the satisfaction in reality, they will easily indulge in the network. " Sun Yunxiao
Without respect and trust, there is no education. To love children, we must understand, respect and trust them. They are the basic rules and requirements for educating children.
Husband and wife often quarrel or fight in front of their children, which is also extremely unfavorable to their development.
It is normal for couples to have some contradictions and frictions because of some things. If you really need to quarrel, you can choose not to quarrel and fight in front of your child when he is not present.
Teacher Zhao Zhongxin, an expert in family education, said: Family education is background education and education at the beginning of life.
The psychological environment and atmosphere of a family is not only a harbor for children, but also has a great influence on their physical and mental development.
An American psychologist surveyed more than 4000 children. The results show that children who live in families with frequent laughter have higher IQ than children whose parents are not harmonious.
In addition, a research center in the United States conducted a long-term follow-up study on 6 1 children, from infants to 18 years old. The results show that 20 children grew up in families with poor emotional atmosphere. They are not only behind other children in intelligence, but also obviously shorter than other children.
Another researcher found that more than a dozen children with severe developmental disabilities are mostly from families with poor psychological environment. Some parents are divorced or separated, some parents have disputes in marriage, and some family members are directly at odds for a long time ... These make the children's cerebral cortex often get abnormal stimulation, which will lead to dysfunction and visceral dysfunction for a long time, leading to physical dysplasia.
Picasso, a master painter, said, "Everything is possible in harmony."
Teacher Sun Hongyan, director of the Children's Institute of China Youth Research Center, wrote in "Eight Kinds of Educational Wisdom to Change Children's Life": "Students living in a harmonious family atmosphere have better academic performance and moral character than students living in a normal family atmosphere; Living in a normal family atmosphere is better than living in a tense family atmosphere. "
Children who grow up in a warm family atmosphere have a sound personality. The child's mood is free, happy and relaxed. Cheerful and optimistic personality, but also full of confidence. He loves life and cares about others. It is easy for him to take an active part in learning and get good grades.
Third, parents are indifferent to the elderly at home. The story of a wooden bowl: Once upon a time, there was an old man who lived with his son, daughter-in-law and grandson. The old man is too old to walk. His eyes are blurred, his ears are hard to hear and his knees are shaking all the time. The old man can't take care of himself. Whenever he sits at the table to eat, he can't hold the spoon steadily and often spills vegetable soup on the tablecloth or on the ground. Neither the son nor the daughter-in-law likes him.
Once, when the old man was eating, he spilled soup all over the floor and broke the bowl. The daughter-in-law pointed at the old man's nose angrily and shouted, "How do you eat? Spill soup and other things all over the floor every day and break the bowls! Everything is out of order for me. Do you know how busy I am in a day? I want to kill me! " Therefore, they don't allow old people to eat at the table. When eating, they drove him to the corner behind the stove and gave him a pottery bowl with only a little food in it. Old people don't have enough to eat every meal and are often scolded. The old man was so sad that he often hid in the corner behind the stove and secretly shed tears.
One day, the old man's hands trembled so much that he couldn't even hold the pottery bowl. The pottery bowl fell to the ground and broke into pieces. The daughter-in-law kept scolding, but the old man kept sighing without saying a word. The couple discussed: My dad, he can break everything. At this rate, how much shall we spend to buy him a bowl and a basin? We must find a way. What is not perishable? By the way, make him a bowl out of wood. So, the son found a fast log and began to make wooden bowls. In a few minutes, the wooden bowl will be ready. When the old man's four-year-old grandson came running, his daughter-in-law was trying to remove the sawdust. He picked up the chips on the ground. "What are you doing? What do you want with all this useless wood? " The old man's son asked. "I'm going to make this wood into a wooden bowl and keep it. When I grow up, I will take it out for my parents to eat. " Hearing this, the son and daughter-in-law looked at each other for a while, first with a wry smile, and finally began to cry.
They seem to finally understand: what they do, their sons see in their eyes and remember in their hearts.
According to the Bible, one of the ten commandments given by the Lord to Israel is: "Honor your parents, so that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you." (Exodus 20: 20)
Parents' filial piety to the elderly is not only reflected in language and behavior, but also in eyes and expressions. If you just give money to the elderly and help them do some work, but you are full of complaints or don't even say anything, the boredom, helplessness and unhappiness in your eyes will have a subtle influence on your children. Parents should play a real role model in their children's minds, and the details are very important and crucial.
Mr. Tao Xingzhi once said, "If you want your child to be what kind of person, then you must be that kind of person first."
4. often corporal punishment of children.
On April 30th, official website, such as People's Daily Weibo, CCTV News Weibo, CCTV Youth Weibo and Observer Weibo, released or forwarded a message: Today is the International Child Abuse Day.
International Day Against Child Abuse: Reject corporal punishment and violence, please turn if you support it! A few days ago, a 4-year-old girl in Heilongjiang was badly beaten and sent to the hospital. Her father and stepmother were detained. Today is the International Day of No Children, also known as "No Slap Day".
Sun Yunxiao: "Corporal punishment can only lead to fear and hatred, and can never promote children's intellectual development."
Dr. zimbardo, president of American psychological preschool, believes that a large number of data studies show that the more severe the mother's corporal punishment is, the more aggressive the child is. Children who often suffer corporal punishment are more likely to have various problems when they grow up, such as depression, suicide, alcoholism, child abuse, wife beating and so on.
The latest research by Canadian scholars found that corporal punishment not only makes children more aggressive and antisocial, but also may cause long-term developmental damage and even lower IQ.
Spanking, slapping, twisting ears, the damage caused by your casual actions, some are irreversible, and some are even fatal. Please know how to guide and respect children. Violence is not necessary for education. Corporal punishment is illegal and may even be a crime. Parents should listen to their children's voices and accompany them to grow up with tolerance and patience.
Say "no" to corporal punishment on the International Day of No Corporal Punishment for Children. It's not just that I don't fight today. I hope all parents educate their children with wisdom, not with simple and rude hands.
Sun Yunxiao, an education expert: "When the relationship with children is good, education is easy to succeed; When the relationship with children is not good, when education is easy to fail ... all successful education is harmonious education. "
Parents must provide their children with a warm and peaceful learning environment and a relatively independent and quiet learning space.
5. Always compare your children with other children.
Parents are advised not to compare their children with other children, but to encourage their children to compare with themselves. Especially when it comes to exam results, many parents often say: My friend's child is the third in the class and my child is the third from the bottom in the class. The neighbor's children got 100, and my children got 60 ... Obviously, this comparison method and reference are extremely unreasonable and unscientific. My child is the third from the bottom in the class. Compared with the first class, it is not comparable in itself and is extremely unreasonable. Doing so will often hurt children's self-confidence in learning, hurt their self-esteem and make them feel more frustrated, which is totally useless.
Parents should encourage their children to compare with themselves: if the score of this exam is 70, it should be compared with the score of their children's previous exams. If the score in the previous exam was 60, now 70 means that the child has made remarkable progress in the exam. Progress is worthy of encouragement and praise, and continue to work hard; If there is no progress, we must carefully find out the reasons and mistakes of retrogression, so that children can learn from each other's strengths and make persistent efforts to catch up.
As the saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day", any progress is gradual, and it is generally impossible to make rapid progress in learning. So we should also pay attention to the scale and method of comparison.
Eight kinds of educational wisdom necessary for good parents: "Make progress every day, be good at communication, give priority to moral education, teach children leisure, cultivate good habits, parents are allies, pay attention to children's happiness index, and pay attention to quality and time." sun hongyan
Encourage each other! ? end
About the author: Zang Xiaoyun, female, 197 1 February, 49 years old, Aquarius, graduated from Northwest Normal University, engaged in English teaching in primary and secondary schools for 26 years, and likes reading and writing. Learn family education knowledge every day, hoping to help more parents and children.