1, turn preaching into an example
The attitude of preaching is condescending, and the premise of preaching is to take one's own words as the truth, and children must listen. But in fact, many children are disgusted with their parents' preaching. What is more powerful than preaching is to set an example. Lead by example can set an example and play an exemplary role. Practice showing it to children, not telling them endlessly. For example, parents play computer games without restraint every day, but they want their children to control playing games and concentrate on their studies. Of course, children are not convinced. Children can be afraid of you when they are young, but now they will refute you: if you play games every day, I won't play? So don't turn a warm family into a preaching class. It is better to talk less and do more for children.
2, change the command discussion
Most parents received the same education when they were young, so because of the inheritance of education, they are also used to using the command sentence to their children: "You should go to bed, do you hear!" " "Go and tidy up your room!" . Parents are in a strong position and children are in a weak position. We should listen. But in adolescence, children are no longer afraid of your deterrence and begin to openly resist this mandatory order.
If you talk to your child in a consulting way and in a gentle tone, it will be different. For example, "Should I sleep? You see it's so late. " "Can you tidy up the room? I'm worried about the mess. " If parents are worried that their children will not listen, they can use optional sentences. For example, if they are asked to go to bed at 8: 30, you can say, "Do you go to bed at 8: 10 or 8: 30?" If children are playful, they will definitely choose the latter. You can say, "Well, I respect your choice, but you are responsible for your choice. I believe you will go to bed as soon as you arrive at half past eight. " This is easier for children to accept than non-negotiable and non-selective commands.
3. Turn negative into positive.
Parents always inadvertently use negative sentences to deny their children, such as "you are so stupid that you can't even do such a simple question."
"There will be another fight, and the teachers have all gone home!" "You lied again. Why do you always lie to me?" All of the above are denying children: children are not smart, children are not good, and children are dishonest. Such negative labels will make children feel bad about themselves, and the denial of adults will become their own denial of themselves. Anyway, I'm not good, just break the jar and break it! I'll show you "bad" and see what you do! Children can't be without mistakes and shortcomings, but children also have a good side. Why not let go of the bad side of the child and affirm the good side? For example, if you find that your child is sensible, you will be sure: "This child is becoming more and more sensible." If a child does well in only one of the five exams, then let go of those four exams and make sure that he does well in that exam, so as to enhance his confidence and let him see hope. And children will develop towards the good side in the constant affirmation, praise and appreciation of their parents.
Step 4 turn nagging into concern
I'm afraid there's no parent who doesn't nag their children. Some of them nag unconsciously, and some of them know that nagging is not good and there's nothing they can do. This habitual nagging is a disaster for children. In fact, the effectiveness of language is limited, and body language is as important as the act of love. For example, when giving a child a task, pat the child on the shoulder and nod to show trust; If the child behaves well, give him an approving smile and proud eyes. One of the reasons why adolescent children don't like their parents is that they can't feel their love, because this love is cut off by endless nagging, accusations and teaching. At this time, if parents try to put their mentality back when their children are two or three years old and let themselves relive the maternal love at that time, then I believe that this unconditional love of parents can soften the opposition between children and you.
5, change control to let go
Parents think that children are still young and need to be strictly controlled, whether they are wild or not. For example, taking care of children's study life, doing things for children, and being strict everywhere. In short, in the eyes of parents, children will never grow up. I don't know that such control makes children lose their sense of responsibility and give their growth to their parents; Similarly, such control cannot cultivate children's self-control. So once the parents leave it alone, the child will be like a wild horse without rigidity. So parents walked into such a misunderstanding: you see, once I leave it alone, my child will go bad! However, children feel oppressed and unable to control freely. In order to break free and seek self-space, children will confront their parents. Therefore, parents should let go when they should let go, teach their children to be responsible for themselves, and trust when they should trust, give their children the opportunity to exercise and let them grow up through experience.
6. Replace the leading role with a supporting role
When children are young, parents should stand in front and lead them. When the child grows up, parents should stand behind the child, follow the child and watch the child go. Just give him a hand at the critical moment. When children are young, parents are used to "directing" their growth at the front desk. When children grow up, they should move themselves behind the scenes and let them take the stage to star in life. This abdication is very important. It gives respect, democracy, equality and trust, gives children room to grow up, gives them the right to make their own choices and gives them responsibility. If you don't give in like this, children will either grow up or protest with rebellion and opposition for their own growth.
When children are rebellious, they dare to say "no" to their parents and dare to "disobey". Parents begin to become confused, angry, complaining and sad. At this time, parents should choose the correct parenting style, change the command discussion and control into letting go … Let children know their parents' concerns and their own problems when they are rebellious, so as to correctly understand the problems and get out of rebellion.